Cocky And Funny Only Works With Funny

David DeAngelo discusses the difference between being cocky-and-funny and just being a jerk.



I found some material that can help anyone to reframe their mind and use visualization


I’m interested in Psychic Sexual Command 29. Please respond or of any books of psychic command or remote influence.


I’ve been getting a lot of ‘second level’ feedback from guys I know on this list who have been getting feedback from other guys on the list and then saying things to me like “Some people think that you came across as being a real asshole, not a nice guy, mean to women
etc.” in your posts.

So I’m going to have to take responsibility for what I’m saying, and apologize if I came across that way. I put a lot of time and energy into writing that information to share, and I hope that I didn’t turn some people off by being unclear

Here are a few words that might clarify and sharpen the ideas that I’ve shared:

When I am with a woman, or even on the phone with a woman, most of the time she is between the states of “I have no idea what the hell to expect from this guy” and laughing their asses off.

All the shit about not giving women exactly what they want, never giving direct answers, send mixed signals must all be viewed through the frame that I mentioned early in the first post of “Cocky and Funny.”

To be specific, when I’m with a woman, she’s usually laughing
now, she might be hitting me while she’s laughing, or laughing nervously at times, but the fact is that she’s laughing! I almost never (and I mean never as in I can’t even remember the last time
) have women get genuinely angry, depressed, or any other serious negative emotion when they’re with me. They’re laughing most of the time.

***If you could be in the room with me during my interactions with a new woman that I’m interested in, you’d most likely be thinking “This guy is funny as hell
but he’s really pushing it. I mean, he’s on the borderline of saying something that’s just too damn arrogant. But wow, the chick just seems to get more and more into him as this goes on
interesting.” You would not be thinking “Wow, this guy seems to me like an asshole womanizer who’s mean to women.”

I say this so that you understand that all of the techniques that I employ are part of the all-important ‘Character’ that I discussed in my first post.

For instance, I was having my first phone conversation with a 5’11 Elite Model today that I met on AOL a couple of days ago
she was trying to act all sophisticated by asking me how I dress, and she says “So how do you dress? I mean, what are you wearing right now ?”

I said “What am I wearing? Jesus
I don’t usually have phone sex until I’ve known someone for at least a few weeks

She said “Fuck you !” and started laughing.

I never did answer her question about how I dress
as I also avoided her questions about what I drive and what I do for a living
but I’m meeting her tomorrow at noon none the less.

By staying cocky and funny, women will laugh their asses off, get frustrated that you’re not playing to them, and finally crack and show that they like you (this girl actually asked me to meet her). By the way, she’s called me ‘pompous,’ ‘arrogant,’ and 47 other names, but she laughs as she’s saying it (the key).

If you’re just a plain old run of the mill asshole, then none of this will work. The ‘assholes’ who get laid usually have an angle (money, fame, whatever) that they mix with the assholeness.

Mean, self-centered people with no social attractiveness are usually out of luck.

So keep in mind the all-important ingredient: Humor.

nothing works for me like humor mixed with arrogance.

I also want to mention once again that I’m very flexible, and in many situations, I will begin to do very sweet and thoughtful things for a woman
just on my terms.

And when it comes to sex (***big key here***) I always pay attention and learn what a woman likes
my goal is to be the most fulfilling lover that she’s had. Mix all this up with some special sauce, and you have the recipe for hot women that love to have sex with you and love you as a person as well because you’re interesting to them.

Remember, women are not linear, logical creatures. If you do things that make sense, they will do things that don’t make any sense at all.

If you do things that don’t make any fucking sense at all, then women will often do what you want them to do.

It’s just that you have to know exactly which things to do that don’t make sense.

Make sense?

I’m off.



(Commenting on: “Again, look at Ross. On one of the many videotapes he has he openly admits he’s not a “looker.” That’s good enough for me. Keep your head up and never give up. Never, ever give up.”)

I was being falsely humble. Actually, I’m sizzling fucking gorgeous
right Tabby? Tabby? Et tu, Kitty?



Hey dude, my reply to Ross’ comments which I 100% agree with. A happy ending to the Shannon story. I really got no business fucking 20-year-old babies but somebody’s got to do it!

(Commenting on Ross: “(Changing subject): I think you are over-selling. I get what you are attempting, but less is more, in this case. More demo’s fewer words. She doesn’t strike me as an overly-conceptual type anyway, and the ideas you present may merely be a fantasy for her, not an opportunity she has to take! We men can translate fantasy (sexual especially) into action, given an opportunity, but women can’t !”)

Ross is absolutely right, this was an over the top sale and it won’t work with 9 out of 10 chicks
.but it worked on this one. She called today to let me know she had broken up with her boyfriend and wants to come for a visit and soon. But your point is dead on, this typically won’t work but Shannon is one of those girls that operates on excess
everything is bigger than, more fantastic than, more awesome than, and she has an incredible imagination so I figured I could get away with it. Besides, it was her that initiated the conversation, pulling me in that direction. Anyway, I get my turn at bat this weekend so we’ll see.



What I’m about to impart is for those of us who are looking for a relationship. If you’re just looking for one-nighters, then this insight will probably be marginal to your game: I’ve been doing a lot of field work on the “10”‘s. My conclusion is this: They’re all fucked up. Every single one of them. Their reality is comparable to that of a rock star. People can be having an otherwise rotten day, yet when they walk in the room
suddenly everyone around them acts happy! If everyone acted this way around you
don’t you think it might warp your sense of reality? I flew first class back from California last weekend and sat next to a 10. We both had a layover in Denver (no pun intended). I met her for breakfast the next morning since the connecting flight wasn’t until 11 am. From where we met until we were seated in the restaurant (no less than 100 yards away) I counted three separate people who actually walked by and said, “Hello !” Their faces would light up at the very sight of her. People fall all over themselves to help out a 10. They buy them stuff. They shower gifts and ask nothing in return. A “10” can get rich men who will buy them anything. And they can get movie stars. The world caters to them. They live in a completely different reality than you or I. And it’s not just a reality that’s in their head
it’s a reality that is confirmed every day of their life. Life for them is like flying first class. They come to expect that type of service. And anyone who tries to treat them with lesser service (Read: No supplication) indicates to them that they must have accidentally walked into the “coach” section and should immediately veer back to first class. And here’s my rambling point: These women are spoiled brats. Personally, I’m not going to waste any more of my time on them, unless one of you stud-muffins can convince me otherwise
I’ll settle for the 8’s.

P.S. Wanna know what happened to me with the 10 at the airport? Once we met and sat down for breakfast, it was immediately obvious to me that the rapport we’d had the night before (on the plane) was somehow gone, and nothing I did could get it back. (Maybe she spoke with the boyfriend
who knows? Or perhaps it’s just two people before their morning coffee ?) In any event, once we ordered she started acting like a polite bitch. So when the bill came, I looked at her and said the same line I’ve shared with y’all before: “You got money ?” In response– as if on cue– she pulled out her company American Express card and ended up paying for my breakfast, too. I could tell that under all of her politeness, she was pissed about this
since she was expecting me to buy her breakfast! So, I at least got a free breakfast out of the deal. And hey
I’m only a “5 1/2.”

(Commenting on: “This is the key; looks mattering in what context? In the context of someone who is not especially suggestible, your looks could be a>insurmountable problem. In the context of a highly suggestible or even fairly suggestible subject, they can swiftly and even laughably be negated. with A highly suggestible subject, your looks don’t mean squat. Fortunately, given the right conditions, most folks are at least somewhat suggestible, and it is the brightest women who are most suggestible (and often the champion athletes as well !”)

I agree
go after the highly suggestible women if you just want to get laid. But to say that the brightest women are most suggestible is just plain false. I can’t understand why you would want to be with a highly suggestible woman if you are looking for a long-term relationship? (I’m assuming that you are.) These women aren’t just highly suggestible to you
they’re highly suggestible to everybody! These women are easily influenced. Period. They will squander your money on every infomercial product, Chia Pet and Encyclopedia/vacuum salesmen that cross their path. They are incapable of critical thinking because they are so suggestible. They are highly influenced by conmen and fraudulent claims. And because they are so suggestible, they make poor decisions. And this makes them a liability, in my book. Besides
why would you want to be with someone who’s hyper-suggestible? (For more than one night, that is.) Give me a woman who’s more of a skeptic but with a positive outlook on life any day! There is a difference between the type of woman who’s imaginative and adventurous yet is still a critical thinker, uses logic and reason (granted, a rare quality among women !) vs. the woman who is highly suggestible.


Mr. Fluffy:

Although I am somewhat of a health and fitness fanatic and I work out daily, I no longer have 2% body fat. However, by most standards, I am lean, probably about 8-10% body fat. Recently, I was out with a 27 yr old Peruvian HB named Fab. Fab is an extreme health and fitness fanatic, who I believe truly considered me to be flabby. She called me Mr. Fluffy, and also teased me about having wrinkles (I’m 32). I don’t remember what I said when Fab said something about this. I think I said something like
You can go home alone, and to think I once liked you and thought of you as a nice person. Anyway, Fab told me You’re supposed to just say “I don’t care.” Suddenly, it was like a light went on in my head. I realized that she had been telling me the proper responses to make all night long and that most women tend to do this while guys just don’t pay any attention. She was also telling me what could be an effective response when other women says similar things. A short while later, I made a comment about how even if she didn’t think I was irresistibly hot, I know she was still ok with my looks because she called me, and she chose to go out with me. Incidentally, regarding that neg hit stuff with the hand models. Right from the start Fab not only knew that she is physically perfect, but she also knew that I found her extraordinarily beautiful and was totally hot for her. In fact, my acknowledging her beauty probably bordered on supplication, and throughout most of the evening my states were very affected and my mind was very distracted by her overwhelming gorgeous beauty. Although not a model, she is perhaps the best looking woman I’ve ever seen, and I was actually meeting her in person. People tell Fab that she looks like Jennifer Lopez (same coloring, skin tone, similar hair, but Fab has a much prettier face and way better body). Yet, despite never neghitting her or trying to shake her self-esteem she 1) went out with me, and 2) became somewhat sexual with me. However, note that I did make myself scarce when it came to responding to her initial calls and e-mails, but this was done more to my being busy than anything else. So, how did I initially meet her? I was racing for a train one nite and she pointed out a shortcut to the train, but I still missed the train. After missing the train, I calmly stated now I have a chance to go back to my car and get my book. Then, I suddenly noticed her gorgeous looks. She saw my response and laughed. I immediately asked her if she’d like to go to a comedy club with me to watch a friend perform. She told me that she was waiting for her Uncle to pick her up. I said “Tell your Uncle you’ve met a great guy. Cum/Come with me.” She said, “I can’t tonite.” I said let’s go out another nite give me your number. She said, “No, you give me your number and e-mail and pulled out a pen with her day planner.” Then, her Uncle drove up so I gave her my number without getting her number. Fortunately, she followed up and e-mailed me a few days later. After a few days, I e-mailed her back. She gave me her phone number. Then, we had 1 phone conversation for about an hour. Virtually zero patterning. It was more like two good friends talking, and us taking turns discovering each other. Then, we got together in person a few days later. However, when I met her in person there was a gradual progression of patterning, lots of nonverbal seduction, and massage. More than anything, I relied on spontaneity, a spirit of adventure, humor, outrageousness, and a fun attitude coupled with being extremely nice (many of you would probably say AFC ). Although I rarely pay when I go out with a woman, I spent a fair amount of money on her. I did this because I wanted her to have a certain experience. It wasn’t about spending money, power, or trying to buy her affection. I spent money to take her to the top of a very tall building (World Trade Center) at nite. For those in NYC, this is a great place to take a woman, especially if she is from another country. So, I broke many classic SS ‘ing rules and yet had one of my most successful meetings ever.



(Commenting on Ron: “The other bigger challenge I want to mention became lusting after results with SS because I felt I had so much to learn. And that’s what happened to me in the first year, I really got nowhere because I was so wound up sexually it was affecting my thinking. I finally decided to do something about that and kill a bunch of birds with one stone. A lot of guys may look down on this, but I would venture to say that social conditioning about this is probably the reason. (I used to myself.) However, in my case, I felt I had to start at square one. So, I hired an escort. A beautiful, mature (not an 18-year-old sex kitten – I prefer older women) professional escort who I felt would help me. This did at least six things for me that I could put my finger on.”)

Ron, while I wouldn’t recommend your method to everyone, I’m pleased for you that you found a way to make progress, a way that suited you and has turned out well so far. IMHO, part of leaving AFC -land behind is learning to experiment, to let go of preconceived notions and find out what works for you. And you’ve been doing that. No doubt, when the time is right, you’ll leave escorts behind and get what you want from the straight women you want. You seem to me to be a self-aware guy with insight, so I’m sure my next point has already occurred to you. I’ll state it anyway, for the benefit of other readers. One problem with escorts is the unintended conditioning on the client. The client repeatedly gets into a situation where his physical needs get met, and most of his emotional ones don’t. Clients often fall for escorts. The smart clients know that if they declare their emotional connection, and express a desire for more intimacy, the escort will run off, scared. So the smart clients hide it. And that is the conditioning starts. The client is in a situation where it is too risky to express honestly what he feels and would *like* to express. So he learns to hide it, so he can keep on seeing his favorite escort. If he just wants to fuck a hot babe efficiently, then no problem, he has nothing to hide. If ultimately, he wants intimacy as well as sex, then the escort-client situation becomes a bad training situation where he has to suppress part of himself and not act spontaneously. It can become a bad situation in itself. And it can be bad training for future LTRs. Lots of guys can fuck escorts without running any emotional risks whatsoever. Fine. To any sensitive love-hungry AFCs out there, thinking that Ron’s solution might work for them too, I say: it might, for a while, but it has emotional pitfalls. Use it to make progress, if you feel you must and nothing else is working. Then move on as soon as you can. Note that my point has nothing to do with moral or legal issues. It’s purely about self-development and getting what you want in life



(Commenting on Anthony: “So next time you are in a bar and you see some chicks and you think you aren’t good enough to get them, think again. I am overweight and I get Super Hot Babes staring at me.”)

I’m past 50, balding, and need to lose 15 pounds. I never go to the gym or work out. Yet my girlfriend is a stunning, tall, highly-sensuous Chinese woman in her 30’s who turns heads everywhere she goes. She loves me deeply, and it is primarily my attitude that inspires this. She knows that I am in “high demand” (or at least I would be if not for her !), and this greatly increases her estimation of me. At first, it was my ‘playboy attitude’ toward women that attracted her. But because I care for her, I have chosen to cultivate this relationship, to attempt to make it work over the long-term. Now that I know her well, I understand how her feelings operate, and I attempt to “feed” those feelings with the nectar that nourishes them the best. Of course, when she wishes me to do something that I don’t agree with, I refuse to do it. She may get in a snit for a short time, but she gets over it quickly and esteems me all the more afterward for having done so. I am led to understand that nobody has ever stood up to her before, i.e. a Chinese goddess is accustomed to getting what she wants when she wants it. I think that is one of the reasons that she esteems me so highly.

(Commenting on: “Do a guy’s looks really matter? no. I don’t care what you say, I don’t care > who you are, Brad Pitt or Chris Farley it won’t matter if you keep them wondering !”)

About 8-10 years ago I used to hang out at a lounge that had some decent bands, decent women, and dancing. A cocktail waitress there was a stunning, absolute goddess, a 10 or 11 in anyone’s book. About 5 foot 10″ tall, blonde, mid-20s, perfect proportions. And she was an intelligent woman, too. We had some nice chats on some slow nights, she obviously read a lot and could discuss philosophy, etc. She would be anybody’s dream girl. Of course, I tried to get her interested in me, but with no success.

A week or so later, I’m at a different bar in town, and in walks the goddess. Obviously, it’s her night off. She is arm-in-arm with a short, middle-aged guy who has a **big grin** on his face (and who could blame him ?). He’s about a head shorter than she is. He’s wearing a beret that he doesn’t take off, probably because he’s bald. She is beaming and smiling at him with obvious and sincere affection. These two apparently are well-known by the regulars (which does not include me), and a lot of greeting goes on, mostly directed at her. One fellow, noting the commotion, says to me something about how “This guy is an artist, she likes artists.” (I don’t think that the guy was a famous artist or anything, just somebody who knows how to cultivate an image.)

I think of this incident whenever I hear a guy fretting excessively about his “looks.”

So, the bottom line is: a guy’s looks do not matter very much. Good looks can help, but they are not nearly as important as a good attitude.

(Commenting on: “Never doubt the power of making yourself the most powerful person in the room! (3 months ago I would never have said this.”)

As the fat, ugly Henry Kissinger always said, power is the ultimate aphrodisiac.



(Commenting on Nathan: “Now that is an uninformed statement. I know the guy who made that line up (I posted it on ASF a while back). He’s been with models
including an actual hand model (but she was hot, not just her hands BTW), that’s where he got the idea. I’ve met models (I know a couple of fashion photographers) and it’s a well >known fact that they are very insecure. Lots of hot women are insecure. And even if they’re not
well, this line said with a genuine-sounding tone is going to put them in that state briefly. The point of this whole “neg” thing is to get her to think ‘omfg I’m so hot and all those men are after me, and why not this one guy? wtf is going on am I fat or something ?’ You get the point.”)

This point was recently illustrated on the Howard Stern Show. He did a broadcast from the Playboy mansion and I thought it contained some good info from a PUA point of view. Howard brings a bunch of his misfits along with him to the mansion. One of which is a foot fetishist. It seems that the Playboy girls were lined up to show them their feet. Howard pulls the girl onto the interview couch to find out why he is so popular. The guy judges a couple of girls feet. Obviously, these girls are attractive by most standards, but this guy was really picky about the type of feet that he liked. He was dogging these girls out and seemed genuinely unimpressed with the quality of feet that he was seeing. The more he ripped on them the more girls would line up and try to impress him. This is not the same I realize as neg hits but interesting nonetheless. Makes me want to pretend to have this fetish and try out this move. Howard Stern, if you can stomach his adolescent humor and generally offensive behavior, has quite a female following and I often gain insights from his show. Especially the interviews. Tom Leykis is also worth a listen on some topics.


Joe Gigolo:

Here are some patterns I have put together:

As you think about people, from your most primal thru your most modern and sophisticated, looking back on the great eras and civilizations you’ve heard about from all over the world throughout history, from the most powerful, to the most admirable and inspirational, what people (person), in the past and here right now are you most fascinated and intrigued by ? And as you picture this person in front of you, what do you feel makes you admire and respect (fascinates and intrigues you about) this person?

Describe for me, as fully and completely as you can remember, how you feel the moment you realize, the instant you can sense you’re really interested, deeply drawn to someone. And as you relive those feelings, now with me, how do the feelings that come when you’re with this person affect the way you feel when you’re with him, looking at him?

Has it ever happened to you that you meet someone and immediately you feel very relaxed and comfortable with this person? Like you’re on the same wavelength and you’re feeling the same vibes, and you get that sudden click and you feel that glowing warmth inside that completely washes over you and it feels peculiar but feels really good. And the more you’re with this person the more you sense, the more you start to realize just how much of an understanding two people can have and you can easily picture this person in your life like you were meant to know them and you feel you’ve known this person forever. Have you ever felt that?

Have you ever felt an incredible connection with someone? When it’s not about thinking, it’s completely about feeling and you know it. That little voice inside you is screaming & yelling at you: “Hey! Wake up! This is it !” and everything else you see or hear in the background simply melts away and you become completely unconscious of time. Your entire consciousness slows down and becomes much more intense. Awareness of how you’re feeling now increases and your attention is captured by this fantastic, magnetic person you’re with, and it’s like tunnel-vision, and you feel yourself getting pulled in by the way they’re looking at you and you’re looking at them, you get drawn in closer by their voice, and you focus completely on the feelings you get that come when you’re with this person. (Squeeze) Do you understand what I’m saying ? Can you feel that?

Further, confuse her as she’ll answer that she understands and it builds momentum. Even if she wasn’t really feeling it, she’s already answered that she has>

For this one you might want to elicit if she has a favorite flower, jewel, if she’s ever done rock or mountain climbing (including indoors), and her sense of spirituality (not necessarily religion) to further personalize it.

Imagine I’m an all-powerful wizard with the magical ability to improve anything about a person they desire. Picture yourself scaling this immense mountain alone, in the cold, all the way to the peak (insert elicited feelings about rock climbing), crossing a golden drawbridge over rushing stream entering a majestic palace, walking down a warm glittering (with favorite jewels) hallway, and climbing up rose-petal (favorite flower) covered marble steps to see me atop the steps in a lavishly decorated throne. I have the power to improve you in any way you desire physically, emotionally, and spiritually. After you kneel on the velvet rugs and give me your offering, you ask me to grant your wish to change 1 physical, 1 emotional, and 1 spiritual quality about yourself. What qualities about yourself do you ask me to change?

Multiple planes at once.



One of the books that I’ve found very interesting is the ‘How to be the Jerk Women Love’, by F.J. Shark. Though I’ve received the book last week and didn’t complete it yet, I’ve gone out Friday to one place on St. Laurent Boulevard here in Montreal and decided to play with his game. Here is how it went: I was looking for some change to make a telephone call, and I approached one of the hotties working at the place for giving billiard sets; Me: Hi, I want some change. Her: Yes, sure. Me: Do you always curl your hair? She: Sometimes, (in a shaky voice) Me: Why do you have to do that, for God’s sakes? The girl virtually panicked and she couldn’t utter a word. I decided to let her go. I thought that this particular wording might have been a bit rough, especially with the softy ones. I then went and sat by the bar. The bartender was a rocking blond that everybody was hitting on. She seemed to be dynamic behind the bar and was ‘displaying’ a lot of confidence. I ordered my ‘Corona’ and waited for the moment when she was not busy, as she lit up a cigarette and passed by me; Me: How long have you been working here? She: I worked here as a waitress for about a year, and as a bartender for about two weeks. Me: You seem to be comfortable at your stage, and despite those big earrings you are wearing, I see that you are dynamic and move with ease. She: Oh, you don’t like my earrings. Me: Yes, I do n’t. (True, I didn’t like them and I thought they were too big) She: Those are the biggest I’ve got. It is the first time I wear them. Me: I think that a smaller set would allow more exposure to your face. By the way, let me ask you this; a lot of people seem to talk with you around here, how do you differentiate between those who are trying to pick you up (Pointing far to the right) and those who really want to get to know you (sp)? She: Ummm, I guess I don’t care. At that moment, she was called by another bartender, and she said ‘stay here, I’ll be right back’. I then said that I’ve to go now, see you. * Advice needed; when I see that she is responding to some criticism I’m throwing, what is a good strategy to use in that case to keep her attention? Saturday morning I went out to pick up a gift for my son’s birthday. I headed to ‘Toys R Us’. I spotted a pretty 5′ 8″ worker. Not completely in a mood, but I decided to go and talk to her: Me: Do you have a sister working in the store? She: Not today, she works here but she is off today. Me: I thought I saw someone that looks like you. How come all workers are wearing a ponytail today? {mistake, I should have personalized it} She: I guess it is easier to work when it is tied up. I had a little chat with her about her outfit and decided to call it off.

It was my first time playing the jerk role, but hey, it is getting them to respond, and I get to be in control of the conversation.

Though I find it easy to initiate conversations with bartenders, cashiers and store workers, I’m not yet at ease walking to anyone in clubs, supermarkets, street
.etc. I seem to worry more about what to say when I’m approaching someone in public. Any input is appreciated.

The Ten Biggest Mistakes Men Make with Women

Etienne Charland lists the top ten mistakes guys make with women, and Noodleboy seeks advice from experts on opening to overcome his approach anxiety.

Mistake #1: Pursuing Women

Most guys will try all kind of things to get women, such as subtly hanging around a cute girl, walking across the bar to talk to a hot girl, trying to be funny and interesting enough to keep a girl’s attention, trying to get a girl’s phone number, or simply wishing to be with the girl next to them. The problem with all these approaches is that these men are pursuing women. Pursuing women mentally is as bad as pursuing them physically. No matter how you look at it, women are the ones who decide whom they let inside. They look for a man who walks his own path in life, who is centered in his own reality, and who is not thrown off-balance around her. When you pursue a woman, you are being reactive to her. You are not being yourself, and that’s not attractive. Stop trying to get women, but instead let them join you in your life.

Mistake #2: Putting Women On a Pedestal

Most men will look at a hot girl and wish they would be worthy enough to be with such an incredible woman. If you say things like this, you are putting girls on a pedestal. When you do so, you are not being yourself, and that’s not attractive. Some guys will even make funny negative comments to bring women down to their level. That might compensate for putting women on a pedestal, but it doesn’t solve the problem itself. If you view her from a social perspective, there is no way you can compare with her looks and status unless you are a millionaire or a Hollywood star. However, all is not perfect underneath her skin, and she is too often hiding all kinds of issues and insecurities behind her façade. If you relate to her as a human being, you have your authenticity, ease for life, and carefree nature to offer. In fact, you can be at her level before you even say a word by not being thrown off at all by her presence. If you are feeling and behaving exactly the same before, during, and after meeting her, you are relating to her on an equal level, and that’s very attractive. If you can do this, you will succeed. You will stand out because it is hard for her to find a guy who is not being reactive to her.

Mistake #3: Viewing Women as Sexual Objects

With all the sexy skin shown to us everywhere by the media, we have been conditioned like dogs to view women as nothing more than sex objects. Women have also been conditioned to adapt to that image. When a woman walks around showing off her physical assets and wearing a lot of makeup, she has succumbed to the media’s portrayal of women and also views herself as a sex object. When she thinks of herself that way, it’s hard for men not to view her that way too. Most men simply want to have their way with this type of girl, and afterward won’t give her much of a second thought, much less want to see her again. The problem is, all this leads to fantasizing about women sexually and therefore creates a bigger disconnection between men and women. All this is social conditioning: it is not natural and does not lead to sex. Viewing women as purely sexual objects get in the way of connecting with women because you then have an agenda and an attachment to the outcome. You are then trying to get something from her, and that is not attractive to her. Sex is the by-product of connecting with women. You connect with women by shining with your authenticity, integrity, and carefree nature, and by creating a safe space where she is free to like you or not. Once you are really connected to a woman and it feels like the two of you are alone in the world, a sexual relationship will develop on its own, and you won’t have to force it.

Mistake #4: Pushing Interaction

Most guys fail with women because they try too hard to get them. Even trying a little bit is too much. It would be like saying your girlfriend is just a little bit pregnant. Either you are pursuing her, trying to get her, and pushing the interaction, or you aren’t. When you push a conversation verbally or physically, women perceive the neediness behind it, and it repels them. When you are centered in your reality and you communicate with women without expectations or attachments, it leaves space for the connection to happen, and you don’t have to push anything. If you try it and it doesn’t work, it’s usually because you still have subconscious attachments to the outcome.

Mistake #5: Using Pick-Up Techniques

To compensate for a lack of success, many men learn and use pick-up techniques. The biggest problem with these techniques is that they work once in a while, which makes men try even harder to get lucky again. Using tricks to work around your unattractiveness doesn’t really solve your unattractiveness. Even when you get lucky, it rarely leads to a real connection or lasting relationship, because you show a façade that is not really yourself. It’s just a matter of time before she realizes who you really are and she decides whether or not she likes you. What really happens is that if you interact with a woman and you act naturally and are not thrown off by her, then she will decide that she kind of likes you. If you play games, she will most likely see through it and will take one of the following actions: reject you; play games too and make you jump through hoops; or, rarely, decide she still likes you and goes along. If you can differentiate what helps you from what hinders your success, you can keep your confidence and openness and let go of everything that comes from a state of mind of scarcity, such as pick-up techniques. Even if you get lucky once in a while with these techniques, it is way too much work, and you can’t spend your whole life pursuing things.

Mistake #6: Valuing Outward Appearances and Independent Women

Many men consider women with perfect skin and toned, voluptuous bodies to be the best women to pursue a sexual relationship because that’s what we see all the time in magazines. Many men also consider independent career women to be the best-suited mates for long-term relationships. If that’s the case for you, it makes you live with the fantasy of sex instead of really experimenting with it. Women have also been conditioned to adapt to those images by the media. That screws everything up, causing all sorts of problems ranging from breast cancer to a divorce rate in excess of fifty percent, to the presence of more singles than ever in history. The truth is, women who focus too much on their perfect appearance do it to compensate for a lack of self-esteem, and they are disconnected from their authenticity and spontaneity. For that reason, it is hard to feel an emotional connection with them, and sex with them is usually average and mechanical. After engaging in intimate relations with these women, men usually dump them the next day, which lowers their self-esteem even more. As for independent career women, their sexuality is locked down because they are too logical and masculine. Relationships with them are often a power struggle and too often end up in divorce. For physical intimacy to be satisfying and for relationships to be healthy, you need polarity: a very feminine and confident woman who helps you develop as a man. You want authenticity, integrity, a carefree nature, lightness, and spontaneity in a woman to feel one with her. Just shifting the focus of what you value makes a big difference in what you attract into your life: fantasy or reality.

Mistake #7: Trying To Be Someone Else

When you view a man who is very successful with women, you may be tempted to imitate him in order to achieve his success. However, he is not successful because of what he’s doing, but because of who he is and the way he lives his life. You and he have different strengths, weaknesses, and life paths, so your styles will be different. You can’t try to be yourself and try to be someone else at the same time. When you are acting like someone else, you repress a part of yourself and something feels wrong. You don’t want to be your weak self who fails either. There is a powerful and successful self deep inside you, but it is hidden behind fears, excuses, and social conditioning. That’s the self you want to get in touch with. Charisma with women is not a skill to learn; rather, it’s a natural ability you can uncover by unlearning what hides it.

Mistake #8: Viewing Sexually Explicit Videos, Magazines, or Other Material

Another thing too many men do is watch porn instead of having sex. Porn conditions you to live with sex as a fantasy instead of sex as a reality. It also conditions you to view women as sexual objects and to view sex as a “big bang” act. Sex is the by-product of connecting with a woman, and it is a mind-body-soul experience in which you can experience full-body orgasms that sometimes last more than thirty seconds. The sex shown in porn movies is nothing compared to what sex can be. Watching porn also conditions you to the wrong types of women and the wrong kind of so-called physical “intimacy” instead of valuing their authentic feminine nature. When you are not having sex, you are much better keeping your sexual energy and using it to move you forward in other areas of your life. The best thing you can do to bring sex closer to your reality is to stop watching porn.

Mistake #9: Feeling Bad About Failures

Another common mistake is to feel bad when you don’t attract women, when you are single, or when women reject you. You feel bad because you are attached to the outcome, which is the result of having neediness inside you. That neediness is not attractive and does nothing at all to help you. To succeed, you have to let the neediness go. When you walk through the world and you don’t care at all how women respond, that projects a totally different (and very attractive) vibe. When you come back alone from a bar, do you beat yourself up for failing, or are you smiling because you had such a great time? Feeling grateful for what you have and feeling good about what you don’t have yet will shift your reality.

Mistake #10: Saying “This Girl is Special”

Women want you to be the same before, during, and after meeting them. Sometimes you may meet a very attractive and nice woman, think “this girl is special,” and start behaving differently around her without realizing it. You then give her too much attention and change your plans too easily for her. You become responsive to her as the stimulus, and that’s not what she wants. She wants a man who remains the same around her and who doesn’t get too emotionally attached. Even when I could sleep with several women per week, I met a few “special” girls, and although I slept with them, things didn’t work out afterward with any of them. You are the rare catch; don’t start behaving differently around the best women.

It makes THEM chase YOU

 Is there too much information out there on this topic?

Have we reached info-saturation on pickup and attraction?

I was pondering this the other day as I was putting together information for a presentation, and it stuck with me. I think that the subject of attraction and pickup should be as easy as possible to learn and to use.

A few years ago, I was subscribed to a bunch of newsletters on the topic of seduction. After a while, it got to be just way too much, and it was making it harder for me to arrive at my own understanding.

You’ll find that lot of the info out there is basically the same. Everyone wants to convince you that THEY have found the answer. What we’ve found is a bunch of answers to a lot of questions – not just one.

We don’t need more complex models and clever diagrams. We need CLARITY.

You need more exercises that will actually put you on the path to getting better with women, and in all social situations. You need more examples and maps to find the path that suits you.

Have you noticed that there are very few people who can give you exercises that are PRACTICAL at helping you with the Inner game?

Why is that?

Let’s look at the problem. First of all:

1) You need motivation.

Face it, we all want to be motivated and inspired by someone. It’s hard to stay motivated every day and all the time. Humans are lazy by nature. The funny thing about laziness is this: We go through all kinds of EFFORT and WORK to be lazy.

How do you think such things as the remote control and the recliner with drink holders were invented?

Human beings put out unbelievable effort in the NOW to avoid work in the LATER.

Each one of those people that invented those time-saving, effort-saving things thought it was a wonderful idea, or they just wanted to get rich. Either way, they motivated themselves with the promise of a better future if they would just invest time in something right now.

Think about that for a minute, then rejoin me. I’ll be here.

Now as for motivation, well that’s like taking a shower. Every time you get it, you feel great, but it wears off. Tomorrow, you’ll need motivation all over again.

NOBODY is motivated 100% of the time, no matter what you may think.

NOBODY is good with women 100% of the time.

NOBODY is happy 100% of the time.

It all comes down to your own fire and drive. Moods come and go, but action speaks volumes.

It’s YOUR job to find what motivates you and leverage it to keep you going. I don’t care if it’s tapes or e-books or 2 triple espressos in the morning. You have to go to the source of your motivation and drink from the well, my friend. Don’t think that reading an e-book once or watching a program once will get you that motivation. You have to be willing to pick it up and re-read it ten times (minimum) to really start to ingrain the beliefs in your thinking.

2) You don’t need another graph/chart/picture/clever analytical method. You need ANSWERS.

There are some guys out there that are so hung up on the analytical side of this stuff that they get into REAL trouble when it comes to making more pictures of how to graph attraction and buying temperature and social value and

Jeez, Louise. It’s time to put your scientific calculators away and just own up to the ACTION you must take. To improve your inner game will require work – and some of it might scare you.

Ultimately, the more information you try to find out there, the more you are really trying to avoid DOING what you know you must DO. We’re seeking the Holy Grail of attraction and pickup techniques, but what we end up doing is not putting the EFFORT in. By studying instead of doing, you get to feel the pleasure of learning and avoid the pain of practicing.

Remember: Anything worth doing will NOT be easy.

Let me say it again.

Anything worth doing in life will NOT be easy!

And it’s not easy to get off your butt and go meet women. It’s much easier to sit inside and surf some nasty pictures or post to a forum. Or maybe even figure out if you plot the data points of a woman’s interest against her body language you’ll get the square root of
well, nothing.

On the other hand, if you can accept the total reality that if you learn AND apply, you will succeed. It is as inevitable as the day following the night.

I believe in the Jeet Kune Do philosophy as applied to the Art of Attraction. I call this (jokingly) “Jeet Kune Dating.”

Here’s your acronym for the week. I offer it to clarify and help. If it doesn’t do that, forget it.


R = Relaxed & Resourceful – Cool and calm keeps you at your best, your ability to connect to your innate abilities.

E = Effective & Energized – It has power – Alpha Power. Raise your energy level.

A = Authentic & Alpha – It has to be YOU, and it has to be the Masculine you.

L = Lifestyle & Lasting – Because it’s NATURAL to you, you’ll never lose it – No separation from your identity.

R.E.A.L. Game. This is what I use to help guys get their inner game solid.

Back to Bruce

Bruce Lee sought to reconcile all the various styles and methods he saw in the community of Martial Arts. He created the Tao of Jeet Kune Do as an answer to this, explaining that NO-style should be your style. It comes from a personal set of beliefs.

I try my best to perform the same function for guys today. By providing them with tools that they can adapt to their personalities, they can build on the foundation of their REAL selves to achieve success more readily.

Other methods often require you to slap a whole structure on top of a foundation (i.e., personality) that it may not fit. It makes more sense to start with building locks of that person’s personality type to give them their own individual approach. In the end, every man that achieves true success with women will end up with his own UNIQUE style anyway.

Wherever you go, there you are.

In the Tao of Jeet Kune Do, Bruce Lee’s book on his philosophy of fighting arts, he talks about the six diseases that plague us. I think they are frighteningly relevant to the art of attraction and pickup, and so I offer them to you here. Consider also that following anyone “system” is only a stepping stone to greater growth. In fact, if you follow any particular system of pickup or seduction (or whatever you choose to call it), then you are also using a ‘technique,’ but in a much larger sense. You’re using one BIG technique.

Now, the six ‘diseases’:
1) “The desire for victory.”

Ah, how this plagues so many men. The need for results and desire for women puts us in a dangerous headspace. We must let go of attachment to results, but pursue them to a conclusion.

2) “The desire to resort to technical cunning.”

Again, too strong an attachment to a technique fails to grasp the understanding that we must all CUSTOMIZE our approach to our R.E.A.L. selves.

3) “The desire to display all that has been learned.”

Wow. I have to raise my hand at that one. I’ve done this a lot. You learn a ton of clever stuff, and you gotta unload it. In the end, you probably could have done without it all. You just act from the confidence that HAVING it means you don’t have to USE it.

4) “The desire to awe the enemy.”

This would be all of us. What guy hasn’t let his ego creep into his approach or interaction with a woman and ruin things by being the braggart or boaster? Just Relax and let her discover you. Not get overwhelmed by you.

5) “The desire to play the passive role.”

We, as men, must be the initiators. I know there’s a ton of clever stuff out there that appeals to a guy’s desire to not approach or not take action to get women attracted to him, but the REALity persists. You must be the one to take action. Initiate. It’s your destiny and your birthright. Don’t shirk it.

6) “The desire to get rid of whatever disease one is affected by.”

This one is the toughest to understand, in that Zen koan sort of way. I think what is meant by this is that to succeed, you can’t be constantly wrestling with your weaknesses. You can’t let go when you’re trying to get rid of them.

You must simply dilute them with the power of your strengths. I think that a big part of this thinking is that if I focus too much on overcoming my weaknesses, I succumb to them.

Take that with a grain of common sense. Desire is a part of human nature. But in the end. you will only be as successful to the degree that you LET GO, not cling desperately to your ‘style’ or your ‘techniques’ or your methods. Remember, long after all the clever lines and approaches have been exposed, your authenticity and REAL character will never be out of style or a liability. You can’t get CAUGHT if you’re being YOU.


BE real.

Brad P.
Real Life Examples of SEXY STEREOTYPING in Action

Did you know that girls make funny little lists of what they’re looking for in a guy? Yup, it’s true. I talk pretty openly about my work as a dating guru with lots of different girls, and sometimes they give me some pretty interesting inside information.

One thing I’ve noticed in my own life and when teaching students are that women have certain “sexy stereotypes” hard-coded into their brain. If you can tap into these stereotypes, it makes everything easier moving forward. Let me give you a few examples.

A few weeks ago, I was talking to one of my girls and she was telling me her roommate wants a guy with 3 qualities:

1. Asian guy
2. Indie rock look
3. With a car

That’s all she’s looking for and she can’t seem to find it. Weird huh? If a guy with these 3 qualities approached her, he’d probably get laid with little or no game.

Another girl was telling a story about how she used to go and hit on any guy that had a “fuzzy in the back.” Translation: fashion mullet. Then she was disappointed because every guy she hit on turned out to be gay. Another hot chick leading a sexually frustrated existence.

A third girl I spoke to told me she immediately liked me because I had the same leather jacket as Uncle Jesse from an old sitcom called “Full House.”

What’s going on here?

Do girls really choose guys based on weird criteria like having a fashion mullet or a John Stamos jacket?

The answer is yes they do. Sounds simple I know, but it’s a deeper concept than you may realize.

The fact of the matter is that girls stereotype you in the first 2 seconds when you approach them. If she stereotypes you as a “sexy guy” the approach is going to go much better than if she stereotypes you as an average guy or a loser.

Sometimes, girls just light up automatically because you fit their idea of what a sexy guy is.

Other times, you have to dig yourself out of a hole because she already thinks bad things about you before you even do your opener.

You can learn all the techniques and great openers in the world, and that’s a necessary part of the game, but if you haven’t created a look and an identity that are easy for girls to stereotype as “sexy” then you’re making things more of an uphill battle than they need to be.

In our culture, the word “stereotyping” has a bad reputation. It’s been vilified quite a bit in the AFC mediaLook up this term. We see it every day- people on TV who say “Stereotyping is WRONG! You have to evaluate people based on the content of their character!”

While we all may agree with this in theory, we also know that this is the real world. Attractive women are not going to give you a chance to show “the content of your character” unless you create powerful attraction in the first few minutes. If you look like a Trekkie, most women will write you off as a loser even if you have the great inner game or a great opening line.

Beautiful women who get approached a lot have no choice but to immediately stereotype you based on your appearance, voice tone, and body language. It’s just not practical to get to know lots and lots of guys. So they go with their “gut instinct.” A lot of that “gut instinct” has to do with how she stereotypes you before you even say anything.

If you can figure out how to make women stereotype you as a sexy guy, amazing things start to happen. You may get same day lays, kiss closes in minutes, fewer cock blockers, logistics get easier. All the other parts of your game seem to suddenly come together and you get RESULTS.

So how does one harness the power of sexy stereotyping?

Start by realizing that there are many stereotypes hard-coded into the female brain that you can use to your advantage. We all know what the sexy stereotypes are, even AFCLook up this term know that. Here are a few examples:

rocker guys



gothic guys

club players


male models

Latin lovers

tough guys

mafia guys


Even normal, conservative girls are attracted to guys that fit these sexy stereotypes. But very few men have the balls to transform themselves into someone who can be stereotyped as a sexy guy.

Most guys are afraid to change their look and their identity for 2 reasons:

1. It takes them out of their comfort zone.

2. They are afraid friends and family will give them a hard time.

It’s true, if you change the way you present yourself, some narrow-minded people will say, “What’s up with you? YOU CHANGED, MAN! You look like a FREAK.”

You have to expect that a few people are going to try to pressure you into being a bland, average type of person. They are afraid that if you raise your social value, you’re going to stop hanging out with them. It’s kinda like when you’re alcoholic friends try to get you to drink your life away. These people are THREATENED by the fact that you are improving. They are afraid they will LOSE you as a friend if you get cooler.

Many people harbor a secret resentment towards anyone with high social value. It’s a defense mechanism that allows them to continue their delusional ways. Is that the kind of person you want to have as a friend?

Get some balls and don’t worry about that. Start experimenting with how you’re presenting yourself.

Let’s get a little more concrete here and talk about sexy stereotyping as it relates to your style of dress. Of course, there are MANY ways to convey sexiness and tap into positive stereotyping, but how you dress is the easiest one! Why? Because you can take your time and plan it out. Then once you get it figured out you don’t have to work on it again until it’s time to update your style.

Body language and voice tone are much harder to improve, you have to think about them all the time for MONTHS until they become a habit.

Let me give you a step by step approach to turning on the power of sexy stereotyping.

1. Stop worrying about what your AFC friends think. Pay less attention to them and more attention to how women are perceiving you.

2. Take an active interest in style and fashion. As kids, we were all taught that if you’re into fashion, that means your a fag. Then our moms would order our clothes from the JC Penney catalog and sure enough, a dork is born. Now that you’re a grown man, you can be secure enough to take an interest in fashion and not feel like it makes you less masculine. One of the best places to do research on the topic is myspace.com There are thousands of people on there who have cutting-edge fashion knowledge, and they congregate in the “groups—>fashion” area of the myspace website. These are people who sit home all day getting all dressed up just to take pictures for myspace!

3. Start to identify sexy stereotypes when you see them. If girls are flocking to a guy or group of guys, have a look at how they’re presenting their identity. Pay attention to how they’re expressing their identity through their clothing.

I’m always looking for this, and I think I’ve recently discovered a new sexy stereotype. I saw these guys in a club a few weeks back with bad blazers and short hair in a ponytail. These guys were lanky and had big weird noses, but they were walking around like they owned the place. Girls were digging them. I realized what it was – the European vibe. I dubbed this look “Euro-douche” and filed it away for future use. Watch out for the Euro-douche look!

4. Choose a sexy stereotype that feels natural to you.

5. Find a person who has mastered the style and has a similar body type to yours.

6. Model your style after that person’s look. You must model yourself after the best in order to get similar results. I know your social conditioning is telling you that you’re a unique snowflake and you should never copy anything. I’m telling you from experience that modeling is the fastest shortcut to sexy stereotyping. There’s no need to reinvent the wheel. Don’t make things harder than they need to be. Do it the easy way. Modeling a person who already has it figured out will give you a huge head start. You can customize the look later when you have your developed your fashion sense a bit more.

7. Test it out. Don’t spend $1000 on 7 new outfits all at once. Try on a new stereotype and see what reactions you get. I’m talking about reactions from attractive women, not reactions from your Trekkie looking friends. If you’re getting good reactions from hot chicks, you know you’re onto something. If not, try something else.

8. Expand and refine. Enjoy success. Watch how much easier it is to attract women when they categorize you as a sexy guy. You’ll find you have less trouble with CBS, fewer blowouts, less LMR, and less flaking.

I work with guys on their style all the time and here are a few guidelines-

Guideline 1: Don’t worry about “blending in.”

If you seem like a normal average guy, you’ll often get the normal average result. Most attractive women reject normal guys all the time. This is their default response. Rejecting normal guys becomes a habit.

Normal guys who approach these women are usually needy AFCs. After years of being approached by normal looking guys who are needy, there is a correlation formed in the woman’s subconscious: Normal=Needy. I know it’s not fair, but we must deal with the world the way it really is, not the way we wish it would be. If you’re always worried about “blending in” and “looking normal,” all of the negative stereotypes from needy AFC will get transferred on to you! YIKES!

REMEMBER: There is massive social pressure on all of us to “blend in.” If you bend to social pressure all the time, you can’t expect to achieve greatness in this area or in life in general.

Are there girls out there who like “normal looking” guys? Yes, of course. But, these girls usually like sexy guys too. They tend to put normal looking guys in the “husband/provider” category, and sexy looking guys into the “seducer” category. Which category would you rather be in?

Guideline 2- Don’t be too confusing.

Some guys try to mix looks that just don’t go well together. I see it all the time. They’re trying to express the complex individualism that defines their existence.

.it’s not that deep.

.girls just don’t care.

You have to make a strong statement so they GET IT right away. Girls stereotype you in the FIRST 2 SECONDS! They’re not going to take the time to process how your glowing necklace reflects off your khakis. Don’t confuse their sense of stereotyping. If they don’t understand what you’re going for right away, you’re gonna be right back to digging yourself out of a hole. And who wants that?

Guideline 3: How far should you take it?

This is an interesting question. Should you just add a few elements of a sexy stereotype, or should you go all out? The short answer to this is that it’s all relative to your location. If you live in NYC or LA, and you want to do the “Male Model” look, you’d better go all out or it’s not gonna work. If you’re in rural Montana, a little goes a long way. As long as you dress like a model more than any other guy she’s seen this month, you probably will get a pretty warm response to your approach.

I’ve traveled all over the world meeting women, and I go all out with sexy stereotyping. “Going all out” will work everywhere, but it is not completely necessary in suburban and rural areas.

I’d advise you to overshoot your goal rather than undershoot it. Think big. If your gonna do this, go all out! In the beginning, you may feel weird. Feeling weird is a sign that you are FORCING your personality to grow. Get yourself a BIG BOLD style and let your reality grow into it. If you feel like you may have gone too far, but you’re getting good reactions from women, that means you’re doing something right. Give your personality some time to grow into your new look. Don’t panic and revert back to a being a scared, pussy-ass dude who looks just like everyone else.

You’d be amazed at the results you can get when girls are perceiving you as sexy instead of average. It changes the tone of the entire interaction. It changes the balance of power. It makes THEM chase YOU.

My students are sometimes amazed when I get makeouts in 30 seconds or end up dragging some girl off to the bathroom in 10 minutes. They ask how I do it and sexy stereotyping is a big part of why I succeed in 10 minutes while other guys take 10 hours or even 10 days to get into a chick’s pants.

Some have asked me why I’d just give away my secrets like this. What if every guy taps into the power of sexy stereotyping, then I wouldn’t be so successful anymore. The fact of the matter is that VERY FEW of the people reading this right now will have the balls to develop into a sexy guy. Are you one of the few guys who can make it happen, or will you file this away as just another piece of entertainment from the Internet?

Can you leave your comfort zone? Do you have the courage to stand up to social pressure? That is my challenge to you.

If you can take my ideas and turn them into real-world results, then you deserve every bit of success you get! There’s plenty of pussy to go around, and I applaud everyone out there who are making it happen.

I wish you the best in all your endeavors with women and in life in general, and I will see you at the Cliff’s List Convention in Montreal.

Just a comment on the Underscore Mike/Rhino’s post:

Here is how I would handle the situation:

Her: We are raising money to buy drinks for the bride. You can kiss my thigh if you give me a dollar ( or whatever ).
Me: Oh, I don’t do that. BUT, I will give you TWO dollars if you win the 5 questions game. ( See Style’s demos, 2005 Cliff’s List workshop DVD )
Her: Sure! ( She always says yes b/c now she has a chance to make $2 instead of $1, plus it is fun )
Me: I tell you what. If you win, I will give you $2. If you lose, I get a kiss on the cheek. You wanna to play? ( Obviously, it is better to get a kiss from her instead of winning $ from her. This is a variation from the original Style’s demo. )
Her: Yes!

If you play the game right, they always lose. This way, you come across as a fun guy and you will end up with a kiss from her while she is having a good time and laughing. Then follow with your routine stack. I have used this many times with great success.

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