Have we reached info-saturation on pickup and attraction?
I was pondering this the other day as I was putting together information for a presentation, and it stuck with me. I think that the subject of attraction and pickup should be as easy as possible to learn and to use.
A few years ago, I was subscribed to a bunch of newsletters on the topic of seduction. After a while, it got to be just way too much, and it was making it harder for me to arrive at my own understanding.
You’ll find that lot of the info out there is basically the same. Everyone wants to convince you that THEY have found the answer. What we’ve found is a bunch of answers to a lot of questions – not just one.
We don’t need more complex models and clever diagrams. We need CLARITY.
You need more exercises that will actually put you on the path to getting better with women, and in all social situations. You need more examples and maps to find the path that suits you.
Have you noticed that there are very few people who can give you exercises that are PRACTICAL at helping you with the Inner game?
Why is that?
Let’s look at the problem. First of all:
Face it, we all want to be motivated and inspired by someone. It’s hard to stay motivated every day and all the time. Humans are lazy by nature. The funny thing about laziness is this: We go through all kinds of EFFORT and WORK to be lazy.
How do you think such things as the remote control and the recliner with drink holders were invented?
Human beings put out unbelievable effort in the NOW to avoid work in the LATER.
Each one of those people that invented those time-saving, effort-saving things thought it was a wonderful idea, or they just wanted to get rich. Either way, they motivated themselves with the promise of a better future if they would just invest time in something right now.
Think about that for a minute, then rejoin me. I’ll be here.
Now as for motivation, well that’s like taking a shower. Every time you get it, you feel great, but it wears off. Tomorrow, you’ll need motivation all over again.
NOBODY is motivated 100% of the time, no matter what you may think.
NOBODY is good with women 100% of the time.
NOBODY is happy 100% of the time.
It all comes down to your own fire and drive. Moods come and go, but action speaks volumes.
It’s YOUR job to find what motivates you and leverage it to keep you going. I don’t care if it’s tapes or e-books or 2 triple espressos in the morning. You have to go to the source of your motivation and drink from the well, my friend. Don’t think that reading an e-book once or watching a program once will get you that motivation. You have to be willing to pick it up and re-read it ten times (minimum) to really start to ingrain the beliefs in your thinking.
There are some guys out there that are so hung up on the analytical side of this stuff that they get into REAL trouble when it comes to making more pictures of how to graph attraction and buying temperature and social value and
Jeez, Louise. It’s time to put your scientific calculators away and just own up to the ACTION you must take. To improve your inner game will require work – and some of it might scare you.
Ultimately, the more information you try to find out there, the more you are really trying to avoid DOING what you know you must DO. We’re seeking the Holy Grail of attraction and pickup techniques, but what we end up doing is not putting the EFFORT in. By studying instead of doing, you get to feel the pleasure of learning and avoid the pain of practicing.
Remember: Anything worth doing will NOT be easy.
Let me say it again.
Anything worth doing in life will NOT be easy!
And it’s not easy to get off your butt and go meet women. It’s much easier to sit inside and surf some nasty pictures or post to a forum. Or maybe even figure out if you plot the data points of a woman’s interest against her body language you’ll get the square root of
On the other hand, if you can accept the total reality that if you learn AND apply, you will succeed. It is as inevitable as the day following the night.
I believe in the Jeet Kune Do philosophy as applied to the Art of Attraction. I call this (jokingly) “Jeet Kune Dating.”
Here’s your acronym for the week. I offer it to clarify and help. If it doesn’t do that, forget it.
R = Relaxed & Resourceful – Cool and calm keeps you at your best, your ability to connect to your innate abilities.
E = Effective & Energized – It has power – Alpha Power. Raise your energy level.
A = Authentic & Alpha – It has to be YOU, and it has to be the Masculine you.
L = Lifestyle & Lasting – Because it’s NATURAL to you, you’ll never lose it – No separation from your identity.
R.E.A.L. Game. This is what I use to help guys get their inner game solid.
Bruce Lee sought to reconcile all the various styles and methods he saw in the community of Martial Arts. He created the Tao of Jeet Kune Do as an answer to this, explaining that NO-style should be your style. It comes from a personal set of beliefs.
I try my best to perform the same function for guys today. By providing them with tools that they can adapt to their personalities, they can build on the foundation of their REAL selves to achieve success more readily.
Other methods often require you to slap a whole structure on top of a foundation (i.e., personality) that it may not fit. It makes more sense to start with building locks of that person’s personality type to give them their own individual approach. In the end, every man that achieves true success with women will end up with his own UNIQUE style anyway.
Wherever you go, there you are.
In the Tao of Jeet Kune Do, Bruce Lee’s book on his philosophy of fighting arts, he talks about the six diseases that plague us. I think they are frighteningly relevant to the art of attraction and pickup, and so I offer them to you here. Consider also that following anyone “system” is only a stepping stone to greater growth. In fact, if you follow any particular system of pickup or seduction (or whatever you choose to call it), then you are also using a ‘technique,’ but in a much larger sense. You’re using one BIG technique.
Ah, how this plagues so many men. The need for results and desire for women puts us in a dangerous headspace. We must let go of attachment to results, but pursue them to a conclusion.
Again, too strong an attachment to a technique fails to grasp the understanding that we must all CUSTOMIZE our approach to our R.E.A.L. selves.
Wow. I have to raise my hand at that one. I’ve done this a lot. You learn a ton of clever stuff, and you gotta unload it. In the end, you probably could have done without it all. You just act from the confidence that HAVING it means you don’t have to USE it.
This would be all of us. What guy hasn’t let his ego creep into his approach or interaction with a woman and ruin things by being the braggart or boaster? Just Relax and let her discover you. Not get overwhelmed by you.
We, as men, must be the initiators. I know there’s a ton of clever stuff out there that appeals to a guy’s desire to not approach or not take action to get women attracted to him, but the REALity persists. You must be the one to take action. Initiate. It’s your destiny and your birthright. Don’t shirk it.
This one is the toughest to understand, in that Zen koan sort of way. I think what is meant by this is that to succeed, you can’t be constantly wrestling with your weaknesses. You can’t let go when you’re trying to get rid of them.
You must simply dilute them with the power of your strengths. I think that a big part of this thinking is that if I focus too much on overcoming my weaknesses, I succumb to them.
Take that with a grain of common sense. Desire is a part of human nature. But in the end. you will only be as successful to the degree that you LET GO, not cling desperately to your ‘style’ or your ‘techniques’ or your methods. Remember, long after all the clever lines and approaches have been exposed, your authenticity and REAL character will never be out of style or a liability. You can’t get CAUGHT if you’re being YOU.
Real Life Examples of SEXY STEREOTYPING in Action
Did you know that girls make funny little lists of what they’re looking for in a guy? Yup, it’s true. I talk pretty openly about my work as a dating guru with lots of different girls, and sometimes they give me some pretty interesting inside information.
One thing I’ve noticed in my own life and when teaching students are that women have certain “sexy stereotypes” hard-coded into their brain. If you can tap into these stereotypes, it makes everything easier moving forward. Let me give you a few examples.
A few weeks ago, I was talking to one of my girls and she was telling me her roommate wants a guy with 3 qualities:
1. Asian guy
2. Indie rock look
3. With a car
That’s all she’s looking for and she can’t seem to find it. Weird huh? If a guy with these 3 qualities approached her, he’d probably get laid with little or no game.
Another girl was telling a story about how she used to go and hit on any guy that had a “fuzzy in the back.” Translation: fashion mullet. Then she was disappointed because every guy she hit on turned out to be gay. Another hot chick leading a sexually frustrated existence.
A third girl I spoke to told me she immediately liked me because I had the same leather jacket as Uncle Jesse from an old sitcom called “Full House.”
What’s going on here?
Do girls really choose guys based on weird criteria like having a fashion mullet or a John Stamos jacket?
The answer is yes they do. Sounds simple I know, but it’s a deeper concept than you may realize.
The fact of the matter is that girls stereotype you in the first 2 seconds when you approach them. If she stereotypes you as a “sexy guy” the approach is going to go much better than if she stereotypes you as an average guy or a loser.
Sometimes, girls just light up automatically because you fit their idea of what a sexy guy is.
Other times, you have to dig yourself out of a hole because she already thinks bad things about you before you even do your opener.
You can learn all the techniques and great openers in the world, and that’s a necessary part of the game, but if you haven’t created a look and an identity that are easy for girls to stereotype as “sexy” then you’re making things more of an uphill battle than they need to be.
In our culture, the word “stereotyping” has a bad reputation. It’s been vilified quite a bit in the AFC media. We see it every day- people on TV who say “Stereotyping is WRONG! You have to evaluate people based on the content of their character!”
While we all may agree with this in theory, we also know that this is the real world. Attractive women are not going to give you a chance to show “the content of your character” unless you create powerful attraction in the first few minutes. If you look like a Trekkie, most women will write you off as a loser even if you have the great inner game or a great opening line.
Beautiful women who get approached a lot have no choice but to immediately stereotype you based on your appearance, voice tone, and body language. It’s just not practical to get to know lots and lots of guys. So they go with their “gut instinct.” A lot of that “gut instinct” has to do with how she stereotypes you before you even say anything.
If you can figure out how to make women stereotype you as a sexy guy, amazing things start to happen. You may get same day lays, kiss closes in minutes, fewer cock blockers, logistics get easier. All the other parts of your game seem to suddenly come together and you get RESULTS.
So how does one harness the power of sexy stereotyping?
Start by realizing that there are many stereotypes hard-coded into the female brain that you can use to your advantage. We all know what the sexy stereotypes are, even AFC know that. Here are a few examples:
Even normal, conservative girls are attracted to guys that fit these sexy stereotypes. But very few men have the balls to transform themselves into someone who can be stereotyped as a sexy guy.
Most guys are afraid to change their look and their identity for 2 reasons:
1. It takes them out of their comfort zone.
2. They are afraid friends and family will give them a hard time.
It’s true, if you change the way you present yourself, some narrow-minded people will say, “What’s up with you? YOU CHANGED, MAN! You look like a FREAK.”
You have to expect that a few people are going to try to pressure you into being a bland, average type of person. They are afraid that if you raise your social value, you’re going to stop hanging out with them. It’s kinda like when you’re alcoholic friends try to get you to drink your life away. These people are THREATENED by the fact that you are improving. They are afraid they will LOSE you as a friend if you get cooler.
Many people harbor a secret resentment towards anyone with high social value. It’s a defense mechanism that allows them to continue their delusional ways. Is that the kind of person you want to have as a friend?
Get some balls and don’t worry about that. Start experimenting with how you’re presenting yourself.
Let’s get a little more concrete here and talk about sexy stereotyping as it relates to your style of dress. Of course, there are MANY ways to convey sexiness and tap into positive stereotyping, but how you dress is the easiest one! Why? Because you can take your time and plan it out. Then once you get it figured out you don’t have to work on it again until it’s time to update your style.
Body language and voice tone are much harder to improve, you have to think about them all the time for MONTHS until they become a habit.
Let me give you a step by step approach to turning on the power of sexy stereotyping.
1. Stop worrying about what your AFC friends think. Pay less attention to them and more attention to how women are perceiving you.
2. Take an active interest in style and fashion. As kids, we were all taught that if you’re into fashion, that means your a fag. Then our moms would order our clothes from the JC Penney catalog and sure enough, a dork is born. Now that you’re a grown man, you can be secure enough to take an interest in fashion and not feel like it makes you less masculine. One of the best places to do research on the topic is myspace.com There are thousands of people on there who have cutting-edge fashion knowledge, and they congregate in the “groups—>fashion” area of the myspace website. These are people who sit home all day getting all dressed up just to take pictures for myspace!
3. Start to identify sexy stereotypes when you see them. If girls are flocking to a guy or group of guys, have a look at how they’re presenting their identity. Pay attention to how they’re expressing their identity through their clothing.
I’m always looking for this, and I think I’ve recently discovered a new sexy stereotype. I saw these guys in a club a few weeks back with bad blazers and short hair in a ponytail. These guys were lanky and had big weird noses, but they were walking around like they owned the place. Girls were digging them. I realized what it was – the European vibe. I dubbed this look “Euro-douche” and filed it away for future use. Watch out for the Euro-douche look!
4. Choose a sexy stereotype that feels natural to you.
5. Find a person who has mastered the style and has a similar body type to yours.
6. Model your style after that person’s look. You must model yourself after the best in order to get similar results. I know your social conditioning is telling you that you’re a unique snowflake and you should never copy anything. I’m telling you from experience that modeling is the fastest shortcut to sexy stereotyping. There’s no need to reinvent the wheel. Don’t make things harder than they need to be. Do it the easy way. Modeling a person who already has it figured out will give you a huge head start. You can customize the look later when you have your developed your fashion sense a bit more.
7. Test it out. Don’t spend $1000 on 7 new outfits all at once. Try on a new stereotype and see what reactions you get. I’m talking about reactions from attractive women, not reactions from your Trekkie looking friends. If you’re getting good reactions from hot chicks, you know you’re onto something. If not, try something else.
8. Expand and refine. Enjoy success. Watch how much easier it is to attract women when they categorize you as a sexy guy. You’ll find you have less trouble with CBS, fewer blowouts, less LMR, and less flaking.
I work with guys on their style all the time and here are a few guidelines-
If you seem like a normal average guy, you’ll often get the normal average result. Most attractive women reject normal guys all the time. This is their default response. Rejecting normal guys becomes a habit.
Normal guys who approach these women are usually needy AFCs. After years of being approached by normal looking guys who are needy, there is a correlation formed in the woman’s subconscious: Normal=Needy. I know it’s not fair, but we must deal with the world the way it really is, not the way we wish it would be. If you’re always worried about “blending in” and “looking normal,” all of the negative stereotypes from needy AFC will get transferred on to you! YIKES!
REMEMBER: There is massive social pressure on all of us to “blend in.” If you bend to social pressure all the time, you can’t expect to achieve greatness in this area or in life in general.
Are there girls out there who like “normal looking” guys? Yes, of course. But, these girls usually like sexy guys too. They tend to put normal looking guys in the “husband/provider” category, and sexy looking guys into the “seducer” category. Which category would you rather be in?
Some guys try to mix looks that just don’t go well together. I see it all the time. They’re trying to express the complex individualism that defines their existence.
.it’s not that deep.
.girls just don’t care.
You have to make a strong statement so they GET IT right away. Girls stereotype you in the FIRST 2 SECONDS! They’re not going to take the time to process how your glowing necklace reflects off your khakis. Don’t confuse their sense of stereotyping. If they don’t understand what you’re going for right away, you’re gonna be right back to digging yourself out of a hole. And who wants that?
This is an interesting question. Should you just add a few elements of a sexy stereotype, or should you go all out? The short answer to this is that it’s all relative to your location. If you live in NYC or LA, and you want to do the “Male Model” look, you’d better go all out or it’s not gonna work. If you’re in rural Montana, a little goes a long way. As long as you dress like a model more than any other guy she’s seen this month, you probably will get a pretty warm response to your approach.
I’ve traveled all over the world meeting women, and I go all out with sexy stereotyping. “Going all out” will work everywhere, but it is not completely necessary in suburban and rural areas.
I’d advise you to overshoot your goal rather than undershoot it. Think big. If your gonna do this, go all out! In the beginning, you may feel weird. Feeling weird is a sign that you are FORCING your personality to grow. Get yourself a BIG BOLD style and let your reality grow into it. If you feel like you may have gone too far, but you’re getting good reactions from women, that means you’re doing something right. Give your personality some time to grow into your new look. Don’t panic and revert back to a being a scared, pussy-ass dude who looks just like everyone else.
You’d be amazed at the results you can get when girls are perceiving you as sexy instead of average. It changes the tone of the entire interaction. It changes the balance of power. It makes THEM chase YOU.
My students are sometimes amazed when I get makeouts in 30 seconds or end up dragging some girl off to the bathroom in 10 minutes. They ask how I do it and sexy stereotyping is a big part of why I succeed in 10 minutes while other guys take 10 hours or even 10 days to get into a chick’s pants.
Some have asked me why I’d just give away my secrets like this. What if every guy taps into the power of sexy stereotyping, then I wouldn’t be so successful anymore. The fact of the matter is that VERY FEW of the people reading this right now will have the balls to develop into a sexy guy. Are you one of the few guys who can make it happen, or will you file this away as just another piece of entertainment from the Internet?
Can you leave your comfort zone? Do you have the courage to stand up to social pressure? That is my challenge to you.
If you can take my ideas and turn them into real-world results, then you deserve every bit of success you get! There’s plenty of pussy to go around, and I applaud everyone out there who are making it happen.
I wish you the best in all your endeavors with women and in life in general, and I will see you at the Cliff’s List Convention in Montreal.
Just a comment on the Underscore Mike/Rhino’s post:
Here is how I would handle the situation:
If you play the game right, they always lose. This way, you come across as a fun guy and you will end up with a kiss from her while she is having a good time and laughing. Then follow with your routine stack. I have used this many times with great success.