There’s one factor that is common to all who experience problems with MOTOS (Members Of The Opposite Sex) versus those who don’t.
Simply put, those who are satisfied with their level of success have control over their dating lives, and those who aren’t…don’t.
When your dating life is “out of control,” that’s precisely when you are in very real danger of becoming a “chaser” rather than a chooser.
In other words, because you don’t feel as if you have OPTIONS, every interaction with every woman becomes all-important.
After all, if she “rejects” you, it’s back to the drawing board…
Just about every day it seems I get an e-mail or two from a guy who believes that WOMEN are uniquely and invariably the “choosers,” while men are the “chasers.”
And although I don’t believe it necessarily has to be that way, these men sure tend to have a firmly-held belief in that regard.
After all, to the average guy it really does look like attractive hotties call all the shots. Tons of guys approach, and tons of guys get “rejected.” Only a select few “golden boys” get past her defenses and are offered the chance to “impress her.”
Now I’ll be the first to admit to you that those women are indeed “choosers.”
And guess what? If you fall in line trying to “impress her,” you’re chasing.
But here’s a shocking revelation for you.
Just about every day, we get an e-mail (or four) from a WOMAN who believes MEN are the “choosers,” and that she as a woman is left to do the “chasing.”
And she’s 100% correct also.
How can this be?
Yes, the one with the OPTIONS is in control, no doubt. But there’s something deeper at play here when it comes to “choosing” vs. “chasing.”
And you know what? The deeper issue is indeed VERY gender specific, unlike the baseline factor of having control over your dating life.
The truth is that BOTH genders are CHASING something.
And BOTH genders, once they understand what MOTOS really want, have the power to be selective in giving it to them.
As a man, you’ve probably already figured out that guys tend to “chase” sex. Women who are sexually attractive to us tend to be immediately desirable.
So the battle cry of the man who feels women have all the power in relationships is, “Yeah, but SHE can get laid anytime she wants…it’s US GUYS who have to try so hard!”
Want to know something? It’s PRECISELY that one-dimensional way of thinking that’s KEEPING YOU in “chaser mode.”
If you are frustrated with the power women seem to have over you, that’s why.
So what’s the secret here?
Let me challenge you: What if you could get outside of your own head for a moment and get into the head of a woman?
Like I said, we get letters from women who believe MEN have ALL THE POWER.
How can that be?
Easy. It’s just that men and women are chasing after DIFFERENT OUTCOMES.
Women aren’t chasing sex. Women who are “chasers” are typically chasing COMMITMENT.
A woman who feels her dating life is out of control is likely frustrated because she feels a fantastic long-term relationship is out of her reach.
Need proof? Google “dating advice for women” and look at the titles of the various books and programs out there. There aren’t many “get laid quick” books for women, are there?
Yet, women’s dating advice is plentiful and apparently necessary. And almost all of it focuses on getting a man to stick around and commit. Even Emily’s Click With Him program is no exception.
So what does all this mean in practical terms?
(Make sure you are sitting down for this.)
What this means to YOU is that making the shift from CHASER to CHOOSER is absolutely, positively within your grasp.
But you’re going to have to make a radical mind shift.
If you are sex-focused, you are–by definition, mind you–HANDING OVER all the power to women. You are putting them in the “catbird’s seat” as far as being the choosers YOU are chasing.
Meanwhile, the man who knows how to IGNITE FEMININITY understands women. He understands the more holistic gift that a great woman represents to him.
What’s more, he also inherently recognizes that a great man?confident, masculine, able to give her security, and of unmistakable character?is IMMENSELY VALUABLE to women everywhere.
Basically, he knows that a “great catch” is so sought after by women that they will do exactly that…they will seek after it.
In other words, if YOU can be that guy, women will CHASE YOU.
And make no mistake. It’s not like you have to COMMIT to every woman who desires you any more than a beautiful woman has to have sex with every guy who’s chasing her.
Simply BEING THE MAN who represents to women the potential fulfillment of her dreams and desires is where the magic lies.
But here’s the crazy part: your sexual frustrations will likely vanish into thin air in the process.
When you TAKE THE LEAD and represent to a woman exactly what she wants, she’ll respond by offering YOU what YOU want in hopes of getting what she’s “chasing.”
Now listen, I don’t advocate taking advantage of women sexually.
I don’t recommend that any more than I recommend you becoming a “sexless boyfriend” to any of the women you’ve been chasing in the past.
What I AM saying, is that you will NEVER AGAIN “chase” sexual fulfillment.
Instead, your eyes will be opened to an almost surreal world where women desire MORE of you than LESS of you. Women will call YOU more often. They will write you letters. They will cook you dinner. They will rub your back. They will GLOW when you look at them.
All without you having to beg, grovel or otherwise resign your manhood.
After all, beggars can’t be choosers.
Marni (Creator of The Wing Girl Method – www.winggirlmethod.com):
I am constantly getting emails from men around the world asking for advice on women. I thought I would share one of these emails with you because I think it is something you can learn from.
This email was written by a 26 year old man in London. He totally has his outer game down pat and his actions should be able to get him most women he wants. Pay attention to the negs he uses, because these are lines you may want to incorporate into your routine.
The one thing he does not have down is how to transition from outer game to a more substantial “connecting” with the girl he’s persuing. Without this connecting, your outer game will be wasted.
If you cannot transition from being the entertainer to being the man, then you will never truly be successful with women. Below is his email to the Wing Girls, and my response follows.
Dear Wing Girls,
It was a singles’ social boat cruise, and the following are the events that happened with one of the cuties I am really interested in. Need some opinion how to pick up the momentum.
Thursday Night: It was a singles’ social event, and I was moving around groups of women, busting on them and teasing some. This particular cutie that caught my eye I approached by grabbing her by her arm and telling follow me. She came along willingly.
Me: Why were you avoiding me all night? Her: I was not, you were busy running around with other girls. Me: Wait, are you single? Her: Yes, of course Me: You better be, otherwise I have to kick you off the boat! Her :(laughs) Me: Are you a Good girl or a Nice girl? Her: Naughty but nice. Me: Do you speak English? Her: Yes. (giggles) Me: Choose one then…good or nice? Her: Nice I guess? Me. Do you know the difference? Her: You tell me. Me: Good Girl goes out, comes home and sleeps, a Nice Girl goes out, sleeps and comes home. Her: (laughs) Me: Do you know the difference between a Good Secretary and a Nice Secretary? Her: No, go ahead. Me: Good Secretary will say, “Good morning, Sir,” and a Nice Secretary will say, “It’s morning, Sir.” Her: (laughs)
Then we have a chat about where she is staying, her ethnic mix, and places she has traveled. She turns out to be Singaporean and British. Then I say, “I bet you suck at Thumb-wrestling!”
Her: Bring it on. Me: I do not play without a wager. Her: What is the wager? Me: Loser buys dinner. Her: OK Me: No Cheating! Best out of 3, GO!
We wrestle, and it’s 1 – 1. Last round…I start to tickle her and wrestle/hug her. It’s good fun with some tension. I lose on purpose cuz I tickled her. I say ok, give me your number and we’ll set something up. We part.
The next hour, we exchange glances and I throw a few “I’m watching you” and “Stay out of trouble” lines at her, at which she giggles (most probably from a nice dosage of alcohol consumption.)
Friday: Cool off
Saturday: Message her to check if she got home alive and ask for her email address. She replies ok and gives me her email address.
Sunday Morning: Call and leave a message. She calls back and we have a chat about setting a date, but we both have commitments. She mentions briefly to touch base next weekend if we can do something together. I say, “Ok, we’ll see.”
I then ask her what is she up to? It’s almost noon, and why is she lazing like a pig? She giggle and says she has plans with some friends to watch Sex and the City.
Me: So which character best describes you? Her: I dunno, what do you think? Me: I think you are a Samantha in Charlotte disguise. Her: Noooooo, No one likes to be her, its not nice. Me: Are you judging her? You are even more evil. Her: Nooo hahah etc. Me: I gotta go, got training, will call and catch up.
I text her later telling her I had to cut her short cuz I was dealing with London traffic. TOURIST. Will call at night to catch up and have some stimulating conversations. End with Charlotte and a wink.
Called her at 22:30, went to her voice mail, I say, “Ahh, playing hard to get? Cheeky! Holla back!” Not heard from her since.
Tuesday 11PM, sent her a funny text: “It’s important to find a man who has money, a man who adores you, a man who is great in the sack. It’s also important that these 3 men should never meet! How are you doing?” Did not receive any reply.
Any opinion as to how I can pick my game up again?
I will share my response a little later, but I wanted to use this email to show you an example of how many men can get carried away with too much outer game. So carried away that they lose the girl.
Listen, I am the first one to admit I LOVE THE GAME!! I love the banter, the butterflies, the negging, all of it. It is fun, but only for a night, maybe two tops. After that, I need something a little more substantial.
When I met Mystery at David DeAngelo’s seminar, where we were both speaking, I can honestly say he captivated me.
He was able to pull me away from a crowd of people, talk with me for two hours, and keep me completely focused on him. I understand how his game works, and it worked on me.
It worked on me because it was fun and exciting and it challenged me. I did not feel madly in love with him, nor did I think we had a great connection, but I had an urge for him to like me, respect me and want me. But once we had separated, I did not think of him again.
His magic only worked for a short period of time because I had nothing real to latch onto so that I could feel connected. I was simply entertained.
I have many clients that have done several PUA programs. These men have no problems engaging and approaching women, but after that they are helpless. They do not know how to have real conversations, nor do they listen to women. Basically they have learned to tap dance for women, and once the dance is over the women leave.
I am a big fan of programs like Mystery’s because he teaches men to be comfortable in their own skins. He shows them they can be that guy they have always wanted to be. They are worthy and deserving of everything that others have. I would recommend his material to any one of my clients.
But…where his program falls short is that it does not teach men what to do next. It is hard to keep up banter. It gets exhausting.
I am going to give you a straight and honest female perspective.
As a man, you have to give women a little more than just a moment of entertainment. If your goal is to get a woman to sleep with you for an evening, then outer game works great! Routines, magic tricks, anything that captures your audience and gets them excited will work perfectly.
But if you are looking to be with a woman for a longer period of time you will never succeed without showing a bit more substance. This is what makes connecting with her possible, and without that, your outer game is useless.
Here is how I responded to the email above.
What I noticed from your email is that you need to STOP playing a game. Games like this are good in the moment. They are fun and entertaining and get a girl’s heart racing, but once this moment or period in time has passed, reality sets in and girls realize what this behavior really means. It means player, games, and sex with no phone call the next day.
Again, if you want to sleep with women, great tactic, but you need to move fast or the euphoric feeling will disappear. If your goal is to date and have relationships, then you are totally using the wrong approach.
Not sure what you were trying to accomplish. The routine you have described will totally get a girl back to your room if you take the right steps to lead her there. Seeing that you took your time makes me think you were looking for something more.
One other key thing I noticed was the Sex and the City joke. First, very impressed you knew the characters. Second, no woman wants to be referred to as a Samantha by a man who is trying to sleep with her. It makes her feel slutty and used. It also makes her think that there is only one thing on that man’s mind, and that makes her feel dirty. Women want to be in control of their own sexuality and know that they are being respected.
Do not pigeon hole women by telling them who they are. Let them tell you who they are. You will get way more out a woman that way. To save yourself from this comment, it would have been smart to send her better text that had more heart attached to it, more of the “real” you. I think you would have gotten a response.
What I try to teach to all of my clients is that balance is so important. Outer game is fun and exciting, and most women, especially the great ones, will engage in it. But every outer game needs to have some substance behind it. It’s all about connecting, because once you run out of outer game, you need to make sure you have something left.