So she laughed at you? Seduce her sister. Her sister accuses you of trying to seduce her? Seduce her anyway. But not until you make her pay.

It occurs to me that changes such as (for the first time) sleeping with your friends (see Ray’s comments below), having or a threesome, wife-swapping or other activities where we move our comfort zones, we open our minds up to new possibilities, new experiences, to be able to explore the concept that you can make your fantasies your reality, that you can take that step and do those things that you only dreamed of before take courage. And it takes courage to make that leap in everything. Most men, when they first approached a woman, had to face their fears, insecurities and negative self-talks to force themselves to take action. And so it is with every new challenge, where you have to do what is uncomfortable, what is out of your ordinary experience in order to go after the things you want. And you don’t know what will happen; maybe your girlfriend will be turned on when you propose a threesome as opposed to take offense that you would bring someone else into your private intimacy.

Maybe that reserved appearance of that attractive woman is just a cover to wild tigress who worries that she may appear too easy or hungry. In fact, the more I learn the more I think that women are as eager to seduce men as men are to seduce women, it’s just that most men don’t go after them in a way that lets them express this. Instead of thinking about the negative, we should think of the positive. Lately, I find that when I am out with intelligent women the subject of limiting beliefs comes up (I guess because it is on my mind a lot lately). I know that I still deal with my own limiting beliefs which I am aware that I allow to prevent myself from obtaining everything I want out of women and relationships. And these e-mails document part of my journey to break free from my own hesitations and limitations while learning about women and myself in the process.

Recently I was out at a bar/restaurant where I ran into Carol, a very intelligent young lady who does business consulting and who I had introduced to some people who engaged her for some work. This kind of changed our relationship slightly from personal to business. I have known Carol for about 10 years and when I had met her we went out once or twice. I remember getting her back to my place, we were sitting on the bed and I made a move to kiss her. She laughed. Clearly, this was not working and I never dated her again and had been out of touch with her for a long time up until about 6-8 months ago. Things clearly had changed and I could see that she was looking at me differently. But at the bar/restaurant about a week ago, she was there with and so introduced me to her sister. While Carol is not bad looking (I am sure most guys reading this would find her quite attractive), her sister is definitely hot. To be honest, I take a perverse pleasure in sticking it to Carol because she had laughed at me even though I know that we are both different people today and I shouldn’t do that.

So I have this very warm, intense conversation with her sister who gives me her number. The problem with her sister is three fold: one, she is divorced with three kids; two, she’s too old (my age, 42) to get involved seriously with because I would want a family if I got that serious with someone (and not someone else’s); and three, she’s too intelligent and wise about relationships which makes her dangerous and I don’t want to get roped in because of reasons one and two. I have a friend who met a woman (I started up with her and a friend of hers on the street at the beginning of last summer, he went out with her and I went out with her friend) who has two kids and who is of a different religion (his family would have a very hard time with this) but he got deeply involved and is struggling to get out of it and I don’t want to get into the same situation.

So I am internally debating with myself as to how far do I want to take this with her sister. I decide to try and just close the deal and keep my perspective on things, so I call her up and invite her over for Tuesday night. Tuesday is the one night she can’t make it, so, pretending to check my agenda, I suggest Wednesday night which she agrees.

I tell her to just come over and we’ll talk and get to know each other. Wednesday night I speak to her and she agrees to come over for 8:30. At 9:30 she calls me up, very upset that as she has thought about it she is very uncomfortable with what’s going on with me. Firstly, the business of checking my agenda as if I was squeezing her into my schedule bothered her. She doesn’t date very often and when she does she wants it to be special and I made it like a business appointment. Then, I had the nerve to invite her over to my place for a first date. She thought I was a gentleman, not a womanizer (which she defined as a man constantly in search of a parent replacement, looking for something that isn’t real, etc.). And I insisted on it (she had asked me if I was sure that that was what I wanted to do and I said yes; this was not insisting in my book but I didn’t argue with her). Not to offer to take her out for a drink or a coffee, to pick her up, nothing. Well I listened to all of this and never admitted to anything. I said, “What did you think? Did you think I was going to invite you over to my place and then seduce you?”

I made comments to the effect that she ought to get real, that she isn’t getting me that easily. And it is true because even though she is very attractive, I am hesitant about getting roped in here and I believe my hesitation is part of the attraction to her. I am sure that most guys chase her for her looks (she in fact confirmed this to me when we did go out finally last night) and are only interested in nailing her. In the end, she calmed down and started to wonder if she had jumped to the wrong conclusions so she suggested we get together and we made plans for Friday night (last night). So I drop by my neighborhood flower shop and buy her a red rose before I pick her up. This shocked the hell out of her (“So you are romantic, after all” she says) and I took her to the local Sheraton for drinks in the lobby bar (this is a very nice place).

She did a lot of the talking and spoke freely about her sexuality, her life, her having never completely surrendered herself in a love relationship, etc. The conversation went extremely well and was quite deep and I could tell she was interested in some affection when we were leaving (when they stand so close to you that you almost have to ask for a room to breathe, the odds are pretty good). So I was warm but to a degree kept my distance and at the end of the date as I left her off she hinted about speaking with me again which I just didn’t say anything about (I wanted to leave her wondering if I would call again).

She kissed me on both cheeks but leaned into the first one in such a way that I could have made out with her but I didn’t take the bait as I have to make her pay for thinking that I was anything other than the best thing that could ever happen to her. Stay tuned for further developments.

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