Here’s the second installment of dating experts’ opinions on the Sticking Points discussion of looks – the full question is what is your opinion on how much being good looking matters in a guy’s efforts to have success with women and what do you as a dating coach advise guys who aren’t good looking and have some ingrained beliefs to deal with about it?

We are interested in your thoughts on this – we know that many guys have hang ups about their looks and here’s your opportunity to get some advice on how best to deal with your sticking point.

You can do little about the way you look, as humans we can’t influence our exterior appearances. As men, we treasure a sexy look.  For most of us the way a girl looks is her most important quality. The good news is that women are psychologically wired differently than us men.

That’s right, for a woman looks are not that much of an issue as it is for us guys.

Believe me you don’t have to be Brad Pitt to be successful with women.  There are a lot of meat-heads or studs out there who can‘t get girls even if they‘re the only man in a room full of desperate girls.

When you go out just make sure you look and smell your best. Make sure that your clothes look good and that you are well groomed and smell halfway decent. That’s the only thing you should be worried about.

Sure, women appreciate a nice body. It shows that you’re disciplined and that you take care of yourself and these are qualities that are very appealing for women.

But remember, it isn’t big muscles or looks that attract women – it‘s the CONFIDENCE that muscles or looks give a man. You have to realize that much of your success with women depends on your confidence far more than on your appearance.

Once you understand that your core personality, moral principles, and strong values are what really matter, the way you look and talk will be deeply affected.

One more important thing: your real seductive values are more than skin deep and they certainly should not depend on your external appearance. Remember that confidence and sense of humor is a lot sexier to women than looks and money. Your best option is simply to the best confident version of yourself.

Guy Eros Olivera Guillermo, Obsessions System:

Being attractive puts you in a class where you don’t have to deal with a lot of the pressures that “ugly” people face.

In order for those “ugly” guys to become popular, they have to have GREAT personalities.

Very masculine women tend to veer towards the prettier guys. To her, he is a status symbol.

Very attractive guys fall into either 2 categories: grossly charming or average.

The grossly charming guys who just happen to be attractive become heart throbs. Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt, Justin Beiber and Justin Timberlake fall into this category.

Unattractive guys tend to get the “prettier” girls. Not necessarily sexy, I mean pretty. Think Selena Gomez or Kendall Jenner… Average body, amazing face.

The sexy girls go to whomever is aggressive enough to spot and seduce her without hurting or harming her reputation (by wearing the waist of his pants over his

stomach or something similar).

Typically the prettier the girl (not sexy, purely pretty in the face with a decent body), the more sensitive she is, so she is going to want a man who makes her feel

beautiful and is very supportive and loving. A father figure-type.

Conclusion: Ugly guys, get pretty and develop your social position in life AND DO ANYTHING YOU CAN TO LOOK ATTRACTIVE.

Pretty guys, get dirty and develop your personality as quickly as possible. You only live once.

You can have anything you want in life as long as you’re willing to work for it.


Alan Roger Currie
Author, “Mode One: Let the Women Know What You’re REALLY Thinking”

My thoughts:

As some of the other dating coaches have expressed, looks DO MATTER … but not to the extent that many men think they do.

In my lifetime, I have known many men who were “average looking” who were prolific womanizers and extremely popular ladies’ men.

I believe your degree of self-confidence, personal charm and charisma, and your manner of verbal expression are much more important to a man than his overall looks.

That said, I do think you should always strive to keep your physique in the best shape possible. Women do generally prefer men who have a lean, athletic physique much more than a guy with a big beer belly who is 75 – 100 lbs. overweight. Make sure your personal hygiene is also A+ grade.

Bottom line: Looks are your “frosting on the cake” … not the ‘cake’ itself. Once a woman starts conversing with you and generally interacting with you over a period of days, weeks, and months, the significance of your looks will begin to diminish.

Eat right, exercise regularly, and you will be good to go.


Ashley Shreve:

One of the biggest self-limiting excuses I see men use to prevent them from achieving their goals with women, is that they believe they are not attractive enough.

It is true – many woman love a six foot tall attractive man, or a model from GQ.  Truth is, that only goes so far with women.  Women are different from men when it comes to choosing a mate.

As men, we tend to make a decision within 30 seconds on whether we will sleep with a female or not.  Females tend to operate a lot on an emotional level as opposed to the male “must conquer” mentality.


Have you ever seen an HB10 with a nerdy guy?  Have you ever seen a perfect target totally into an older or overweight man?  It happens every day.  One of the reasons for this is because these men have the ability to appeal to their emotional side.

I am sure you have heard the saying, “you have to pre-heat the oven first.”  Even when having sex, a woman needs to be relaxed and emotionally into it to fully experience her orgasm’s potential.  A man that appeals to a woman’s emotional needs, will automatically become more attractive to her.  Likewise, the more a woman invests herself emotionally in a man – the more attracted to him she becomes.

Women also have more specific tastes when it comes to men then we do with women.  Their are also many different “Types” of men for women to be attractive to then we have options with women.  Let’s be honest – for the most part any of your guy friends will agree with you on whether a woman is attractive or not.  It’s very simple with men.  With women, it is not uncommon for a group of best friends all to have a different “type” when it comes to selecting a mate.  Just because you are not a model from “GQ” does not mean that you are not someone’s type.

Here are some tips:

– Identify your style and rock it!  Don’t let what other men do confuse you into a self-identity crisis.

– Ask gay men or women friends for tips on how to exploit your style

– Stay Groomed – Always keep yourself well groomed and kept.  This will win over an attractive slob any day.

– Use Hair Product – having product in your hair always gives the illusion of being cleaner or well groomed to a woman.

– Find venues where your style works best

– Master positive and negative body language and use it!

– Use qualification and disqualification – get your target to prove her worthiness to you!

– Win over the group – most girls will look to their friends for approval.  Their friends don’t have to think your sexy, just funny and they will give your target the “I like him” response.

– Take it Old-School PUA – Use Social Proof and DHV techniques to raise her attraction level towards you

Don’t forget to leave your comment below 


I have been fortunate enough to have been able to present a lot of great material in the cliff’s list newsletters and now on the website that have made a significant difference in many guy’s lives.

    7 replies to "How Much Being Good Looking Matters Part 2"

    • markj

      Awesome stuff guys!!!! Great info.


    • Viper

      My whole life I’ve felt like a 5 out of 10 in the looks department. I’m over 50 now and have more dates than I’ve ever had in my whole life. And, upon retrospect, I’ve had some really decent looking girlfriends. Damn the clarity of time!

      I realize now that my self worth was directly affecting my attractiveness factor. I felt unattractive and therefore, I was. I was so AFC it’s saddening/maddening now. All the missed opportunities!

      First, realize “you” are the prize. Not your looks or wealth. Looks won’t secure a girlriend and same for wealth. Both don’t guarantee compatibility. Dress your best, smell good, trim your shit and get a pro hairstyle. Now you’re ready to feel at ease and talk the talk.


    • obsessionsystems

      Viper man, I feel you. When I was in my early 20’s and dressed like a million bucks, I did pretty well, now, if a woman will so much as have me as a friend, I will break her. I don’t want to speak too soon, I’m sure there is the exception and all… Jesus Christ man, this PUA stuff is amazing.

      This PUA stuff is crazy… and it only get’s better after time.

      Guy Guillermo,
      Obsession Systems

    • obsessionsystems

      P.S. Great bottom like Alan Roger Currie

      @ Bottom line: Looks are your “frosting on the cake” … not the ‘cake’ itself. Once a woman starts conversing with you and generally interacting with you over a period of days, weeks, and months, the significance of your looks will begin to diminish.

    • chris

      My best friend and I would have contests about picking up girls, different rules, different days…we both had success clean, well groomed, as dirty, not filthy, after a hard day of work, smelling of sweat,which turns some women on- a hard working man…

    • chris

      The best thing to think about,or gule, when one treats it like a game, instead of a serious venture, it really becomes quite easy

    • chris

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