Welcome to a Brand New Feature on Cliff”s List! We are very excited to present to you our Round Table discussions, where
we will ask questions to our world-wide connections of dating experts, pickup artists, ladies men and professional coaches so that
you can get a range of opinions and help on topics that will make a difference in helping you become more successful with women.
Our first series is called “Sticking Points” and we will be asking the experts for their views. We are hoping this will stimulate
some spirited debate among them as well as spur you our readers on to some great insights which we also hope you will discuss on
Our first topic is “Looks” – what is your opinion on how much being good looking matters in a guy”s efforts to have success with women and what do you as a dating coach advise guys who aren”t good looking and have some ingrained beliefs to deal with about it?
Brad P (Brad”s Fashion Bible):
This is actually a complex subject, so I”ll give you a few concepts.
Looks matter, but not as much as most people think.
Looks can be improved with exercise and fashion help. I can show you how with my fashion help you can go from a 4 to a 7!
Being “good looking” can be good or can be bad, because some girls dislike pretty boys or see them as effeminate.
Being “kind of weird looking” can be good if you happen to fall into a “type” that some girls are interested in. For example, I have a very big nose, way bigger than average. Some girls would say it”s a deal breaker. However, I have met very attractive girls who PREFER a guy with a very big nose. Different girls have different tastes, so whatever you think your worst feature is, there”s a girl out there looking for that.
The more you fit into a sexy stereotype, the less looks matter. Sexy stereotypes are looks that women are programmed to respond sexually to. The media does this programming to all females from an early age. Get more info on this in “Brad”s Fashion Bible.”
DJ Fuji (www.taoofdjfuji.com)
When it comes to looks, there are two camps.
One says that looks don”t make any difference at all and that (presumably) a male model has the same exact chance that a 3 foot tall troll looking dude has to attract the most desirable women in the world. The other camp says that looks matter so much that you can”t ever be truly successful with dating if you aren”t a male model.
So which is it? Do they really matter?
The short answer is yes, to some degree, though it often depends on your definition of “looks.”
Let”s assume we”re referring to genetic, or “God-given” looks, since that”s the easiest way to look at it.
In that case, your looks matter in the same way physical strength matters in golf or on the driving range. Or the way raw intelligence matters in getting good grades in school. On the whole, your genetic looks matter to the degree of about 10-20%. Which means that everything else being equal, looks WILL play a small part. And of course, extremely good or bad looks will have a larger impact than normal.
But in the bigger picture, looks play a fairly minor role compared to other factors. Take a guy who”s a 5/10 on the looks scale but is a 9/10 on the “charisma” scale and put him up against a guy with 9/10 looks and 5/10 charisma, and I”ll put my money on the charisma guy every day of the week.
Let me give you another analogy. Think of looks as the same degree of importance as breast size in a happy, long-term marriage. Sure, extremely small (AA) or large (FFF) breasts may be an issue, and nice breasts are certainly appealing to the eye, but in the grand scheme of a 50-year marriage, breast size (assuming in the normal range) is a very minor element. It”s only a really big deal if you are especially hung up on online slots them or if they”re on an extreme end of the scale (e.g. deformity).
Your genetic looks are the same way.
Now here”s the important part:
Genetic looks don”t matter much, but OVERALL looks do. So what”s the difference?
Overall looks are what you DO with your genetic looks. Are you well dressed? Do you have good posture? Are you fit? Do you have a stylish haircut?
Fortunately, the part of your looks that matter the MOST happens to be the part you can change. Maximizing your appearance through fashion, grooming, fitness, posture, and other factors make a VERY significant impact. Sure, you can “get away with” not working on this, but why make things more difficult on yourself? Improving your look is often one of the easiest fixes you can do to improve your attractiveness and overall dating life.
Take a look at what most “beautiful” celebrities look like without makeup and/or photoshop. Now imagine them (or in some cases, just look at the news) if they were 50 pounds heavier. How “A-List beautiful” would they be now? Many “intimidatingly beautiful” women are the same way. And if they”re putting in all of this work to look good, why should they date someone who isn”t doing the same?
As the saying goes, “beautiful people aren”t born – they”re made.” And that means that if you”re not maximizing your own looks potential, you”re doing yourself – and the women you”re meeting –a disservice.
Hayley Quinn (www.hayleyquinn.com):
Before any of us start to worry about the whole “do they fancy me or not” “am I hideous or not?” BS the first question to ask is “can I control this?”
Everyone who has great self esteem should work on being fit, healthy and naturally caring for their body. This does not mean that we all have to be gym obsessives but eating well, resting, exercising, is kind of like having a clean apartment – people who have their sh*t together will do this organically.
Having your sh*t together, aiming to be the best you can be, are both sexy qualities too and actually way more important than “looks.”
That”s not to say that “looks” are 100% unimportant to people – of course physical attraction is a factor. Luckily for the men of this world, that attraction for women is based on a synthesis of tons of factors (mostly behavioural and 100% within your control )- not just whether you have pecs or not.
And you know what? If you do so happen to meet a woman who”s hell bent on her partner being over 6 foot, or looking like a Man of Steel auditionee, I don”t think you should be hell bent on impressing her. Our goal in life is not to seduce everyone, or for everyone to think we”re hot. That”s unrealistic.
It”s to be proud of what we”ve got and magnetize the people who are into our unique vibe.
I spent years tearing my hair out over the fact I wasn”t a skinny blonde (which my teenage self reckoned was the only girls guys remembered on V Day) before I worked out that if a guy didn”t get my vibe, we weren”t supposed to connect, and there would be others who would be way more compatible with me.
Simple. So make the best of you, be proud of you and believe that there are women out there who will be into you.
And (dare I say it) from a “female perspective” if there weren”t guys out there who believed they were sexy regardless of their looks, there”s no way I would have in the past couple of years dated a ginger guy, an Asian guy, an older guy, a younger guy, a 6 foot 3 guy and a guy shorter than me and found them ALL SEXY.
Looks are subjective – a great vibe and strength of character is ALWAYS SEXY.
Jake Hollow, author of Guide on How to Persuade Women
As written throughout the “Guide on How to Persuade Women” I make it clear that looks are not the answer. What it takes is to believe in yourself without relying on being validated by women. Your self-confidence is the biggest key, and to have this you must first fully love yourself. Everything is balance. *Chapter 2 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SKYRtrvpdBg&feature=youtu.be) Assuming gets deep into this point.
My thing is to be blunt, so that you do not put yourself in the friend-zone. Stake out your intention, but be charming and full of life.
Be real, be yourself. I could get deeper, but listen to the audio for more.
Payton Kane (http://www.seduceandconquer.com/guys/)