Zardoz: How to Meet and Attract Women
Part 1: The Basics (To Getting Laid)
For many men, women are a mystery. They were for me, too. I was raised by my mother, who in all her good intentions taught me absolutely nothing about what women want in a mate. She told me to “Just be nice.” But here’s a surprise—it doesn’t work.
Does that mean you need to be a “jerk” to get the girls ? Not exactly. You need to embody the characteristics of an alpha male, one who relies on nobody but himself for validation. One who walks through life with purpose and confidence.
The good news is, seduction is a skill to learn like any other, and with enough study and practice, the nerdiest guy can attract and date very attractive women. How do you do this ? First you have to meet them.
Most people meet through friends, family, and social gatherings. Increasingly, people are using the Internet, most with limited success. I’m not going to teach the tactics of meeting women online, but most of this knowledge is transferable to that realm.
So what do you do when your social sphere is exhausted ? Where do you meet women ? Well … look out your window. They are everywhere. Approaching a stranger may seem hard at first. You may think that you are invading their privacy, but in my experience most people enjoy being approached, and will open up to a stranger if that person’s energy and charisma are dialed in.
First I will teach you the basics concepts of female psychology and seduction … starting with the approach. From there, we will go into the various techniques and philosophies.
Approach Anxiety (AA): is the fear most people feel when they think about approaching an attractive stranger. The symptoms are increased heart rate, sweat, inability to articulate or talk straight, shaky knees … and an overall bad vibe. It’s a poor place for attracting a lover, or dealing with life in general.
In this physical and emotional state, you will come off as nervous, creepy and weird. The good news is that, with practice, you can overcome this common issue. The best way to practice is by approaching strangers until the fear dissolves. It worked for me. I can approach any stranger any time. Approaching an attractive woman is the same as asking an elderly man for the time. It’s easy to become that social man that people open up to.
Repeated exposure will eventually equal repeated success, success being that the girl or group you approach will give you a positive reaction, enjoying and even encouraging your presence. You are calm as a summer breeze.
The 3 Second Rule: This is a term popularised by a dating coach named Mystery. The theory is if you approach someone within 3 seconds, you won’t allow your mind to engage and cause the AA. It’s a good start. Spot your girl, 1,2,3, go. Remember to smile.
It took me several hundred approaches to eliminate AA. Some people take more, some less. It’s different for everyone. But eventually, it becomes very easy, and fun. Approaching women is the first step to bringing more romance and adventure into your life. It’s a great skill for anyone to have, man or woman. If you don’t approach, you will never advance. The more often you approach, the quicker you will learn.
Practice in environments other than your home neighbourhood. It takes a bit of practice and you don’t want to make mistakes with people you know well. Your transformation will take time. That’s ok. Mistakes are how you learn.
Assume attraction. From this day forward, you are an attractive being. Whether you are fat, short, old, young, bald, or just plain ugly … this is the day you become your new identity. Do not let your mind tell you otherwise. Believe this now, or fake it till you make it. You will become what you pretend to be.
Don’t be afraid of rejection. Embrace it. You learn from your mistakes. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Re-frame every rejection into a positive learning experience. With enough practice, you will never have a poor interaction.
Female Psychology 101
What Women Want: If you ask women what they want in a guy, most will use these words: “Funny, smart, handsome, confident, ambitious, successful.” Most men believe beautiful women only want tall, muscular guys with money and nice stuff. Those things help, but they’re not necessary to attract a high quality woman.
More important is what women “don’t” want. They don’t want to be put on a pedestal and raised above you like a precious stone. They don’t want to be treated like spoiled royalty. They aren’t rare creatures to be wined and dined and supplicated. Most men see attractive women as being above them, better than they are … a fragile delicacy to be possessed.
Treat a beautiful woman as you would treat one of your male friends: as a human being with strengths and flaws. Bring her to your level. She will respect you for respecting her.
Don’t be the cheesy douche bag that whistles and hoots and hollers, slobbering on them like a horny dog. Don’t be the creep that stands in the corner clutching a drink to his chest, eye raping. Don’t be the guy that says dumb stuff like, “Hey baby, where you goin’ ?” Lame ! Be the fun, happy confident guy that needs nothing from anyone. You are comfortable in your own skin, and always in a good emotional state. Others react to you. You have no fear, and love life. You are an alpha male.
Don’t be needy. You don’t need anything from her. Women are used to guys trying to get things from them like sex, or validation, or props from their buddies. You don’t need anything. It’s her privilege to interact with such a cool guy. Be a value giver, not a value taker. Tell her a story, give her advice on relationships or fashion, give her a subtle compliment (if she has earned it,) show her a magic trick. Make her day. Who doesn’t want to hang out with that guy ? If you give people value while asking for nothing in return, the universe will repay you in kind.
Women are more emotional, men are more logical. Engage a woman’s emotions, not her logic. Women are attracted to men that make them “feel,” not “think.” That’s why many women are attracted to men we call “jerks.” Even though these men may seem to treat them badly, the women will return for that emotional roller coaster. You don’t need to be a jerk. You can still be a nice guy and give her the emotions she craves.
Pre-Selection: Women are attracted to men that other women find attractive. Have you ever been talking to an attractive woman, and noticed other women checking you out ? Or butting into the conversation to meet you ? They are very competitive. They want what other women have. By surrounding yourself with women, you become a man of value. That’s why, when entering a venue, you should immediately strike up a conversation with the first attractive woman you see. All the other women will notice, and look forward to meeting this valuable, pre-selected man.
Pre-selection is genetic choice. Women want the best genetics for their offspring. This does not mean the biggest or strongest or best-looking man. This means the man with leadership qualities. The man that other women are attracted to. If beautiful women are attracted to this man, it must be for a reason. Women want the Alpha male. If you aren’t alpha, you are beta. Second best will not do.
Social Proof: This is similar to pre-selection, but works on a larger scale. Celebrities have tremendous social proof. The quiet, shy guy with no social value has none. Be the social guy, the guy with cool hobbies, interesting stories, good grooming and cool friends. Be the one that others react to. This is social proof, and it is very attractive to men and women. The more social proof you have, the more people will want to meet you.
Earn her respect. How can a woman respect a man with no personal power ? You want to be the guy she chases. Make fun of her nerdiness, call her on her flaws, push her away. Try it: physically push a girl away in a playful manner … 9 times out of ten, she will punch you in the arm, touch you, or apologize. These are signs of attraction. Make her chase you. Women want to work for their prize; nobody respects that which is free.
This may seem counter-intuitive. Instead of being really, really nice … nicer than all the other guys … you are a bit aloof, a bit picky. Think of all the women you have been attracted to who said, “Let’s just be friends !” That made you want them even more. Everybody wants what they can’t have.
Don’t be afraid to offend her. Women aren’t made of glass. A classic mistake guys make is to tell a woman she is “hot,” and maybe offer to buy her a drink. What did she do to deserve this drink ? Why is she pretty ? Be more specific. Make her work for it. Talk to her … does she have a good personality ? You never know, she might buy one for you. Why not playfully demand a drink yourself ? I tried this once and she put me on her tab.
Women will screen men. She will ask you questions about what you do for a living, where you live, what your hobbies are. Most men will try to please by explaining themselves, seeking approval. Why do you need approval ? Screen her. Ask her questions about herself. “Are you a good cook ? Are you adventurous ? I only hang with fun girls.” Make her seek your rapport with you.
When you screen women, it puts you in a position above them. You must be a person of high value. Otherwise, you would try to please her like every other boring guy.
Be mysterious. Don’t tell her everything. Like a complicated Christmas present, women love learning about you over a long period of time. Play with this. If she asks you what you do for a living, playfully say, “I work at Burger King.” Let the present unwrap itself. You don’t want to be the braggart that talks about all his accomplishments and material possessions.
Remember to calibrate to the situation. If you say something that doesn’t work, switch gears. Some girls won’t get your jokes. Some girls don’t like cocky guys, some like nice guys, some girls aren’t as smart as you, and some are smarter. Be yourself, but play with different aspects of your own personality. Be the person you always wanted to be. You can be that person !
Be a little cocky. Play with her. Tease her. If a woman asks for something, even if it’s directions to the washroom, I’ll playfully say, “Man. You’re so high maintenance !” Don’t fall all over a woman at the first sign of attraction. Be a little hard to get.
Why does being a little cocky create attraction ? This says, “Even though you are beautiful, it doesn’t faze me. I have standards. Beauty is common.” She will think, “This guy is different. He must have women in his life. He must understand women. He will treat me as a human and not a piece of candy.”
People want to interact with those that are their peers, or above them, more valuable than they are. Imagine yourself as good-looking, famous, powerful. Assume attraction. Fake it till you make it. If you imagine yourself as something long enough, you will become that person.
Don’t worry what people think about you. In 100 years, you will be dead. Live the life you desire. You only have one shot at it.
Confidence: Do you know any men that are extremely confident ? Maybe the boss at work, a rock star, a tall, good-looking guy, or one of your friends ? Confidence is obtained by repeated success. It’s a reward for a job well done. In my opinion, confidence is the most important aspect of attracting women. And what’s something a confident guy does when he spots an attractive woman ? He approaches.
The act of approaching in itself is a sign of confidence. 99% of men are too afraid to approach a woman … and guess what ? Those guys are not getting laid. Simply being able to approach and interact with a woman without any sign of nervous energy is a very attractive quality.
Opening: This is first contact. You can open with whatever you want. I’ve opened with some of the most ridiculous phrases out there. One night, as an experiment, I went out and opened with, “I’m wearing tighty whities.” One girl said, “Oh, I’d like to see them !” Right now my favourite opener is, “Hi, my name is Tony.” It doesn’t matter what you say if your game is tight.
There are four types of openers. Direct, indirect, non-verbal, and she opens you.
Direct: Direct is when you approach a woman and state your attraction. “I saw you, thought you were very pretty, and had to come meet you.” Or you could compliment her on her style, or a unique feature. “I know this seems weird, but I thought you had very beautiful eyes, and had to come meet you.”
Direct approach is very powerful because it gets to the point quickly. It gives you a 50/50 chance. If she is into the interaction, she will engage you. If she’s not, she will walk away. It’s an all-or-nothing approach.
Indirect: Indirect is when you start a conversation on a random topic, and then gradually show interest. “Hi, do you have the time ?” “That’s an interesting magazine, do you read Cosmo often ?” “Do you think cats are better than dogs ?” With indirect you can use anything in the environment to start a conversation, and then shift into seduction. Both techniques work. You should gauge the situation and adapt accordingly.
Groups vs. Solo: Just because she isn’t alone doesn’t mean you can’t approach her. Just approach the whole group. Introduce yourself to everyone in the group, show your respect to them, and they will be happy to have you. By meeting all her friends, the odds that they will let you leave the venue with her drastically increase. Plus, you make lots of new friends.
If you befriend a group, this also creates social proof. To all the other people in the venue, you are the most popular guy in the bar. Look at all the friends you have. They have no idea you just met these people 5 minutes ago.
Daytime vs. Night Time
You don’t have to be at a bar or a party to meet women. You’ll actually meet more quality women in the daytime. Good venues are malls, clothing stores, bookstores, the gym, dance classes … you name it. Practice talking to at least one new woman a day.
There are distinct differences in the two scenarios. At the bar, you have many options, and can get many approaches under your belt. In the daytime, you have to look a little bit harder, but often they will be alone, and not too drunk to remember you when you call the next day.
Body Language: Stand tall, chest out, move slowly and with purpose. A confident guy is aware of his social value. He’s a leader of men. He’s an alpha male. His hands aren’t in his pockets, he isn’t slouching, his arms aren’t crossed. This guy has nothing to hide, and welcomes all challenges.
Slow your movements down. Don’t bob your head and body around like a goof. Remain solid, like a rock. Don’t wave your hands around, tossing your energy away. Keep your hands centred close to your abdomen and chest.
Most guys make this mistake when talking to women. They lean into their personal space like they’re trying to bite a piece of the poor girl off. Instead, lean back, and away. Give her the option to leave if she wants. Look around the room once in awhile. This shows confidence. And usually she will close the space for you.
Eye Contact: When you talk to anyone, look them in the eyes. This has an almost hypnotic effect. It shows confidence. If you want to get a little more sexual, look at her lips, her neck, etc. But always come back to her eyes. Let her be the first to submit and look away.
Vocal Projection: Talk loudly at first. Don’t speak in an apologetic, submissive manner. Speak to her like you would to any of your friends. You don’t need an amazingly deep voice, but speak with confidence. Listen to any great public speaker and mimic their style. When things are going well and turning romantic, you can lower and slow your speech. This will happen naturally anyway. Speak to them the way your boss or good friend speaks to you. Not in a needy, rapport-seeking voice. Think of how a beggar asks for change: “Excuse me sir, do you have any change ?” Gross.
State Control: State is your emotional presence. You want to be in a positive state. State is contagious. It’s like when you go to a comedy show. When one person laughs, they all laugh. Or look at a riot. When a group goes violent, it spreads like the plague. Be the happy guy. Uplift and inspire all that you meet.
Style: Owning nice clothes helps, but isn’t necessary to attract women. More important is grooming. Women spend hours grooming themselves. You don’t have to go that far, but deal with the basics. Cut your nails, shower, shave, get a decent haircut, get a tan, trim your nose hairs. If you are creative and have some extra money, go shopping and buy some cool, non-generic clothes, or a tattoo, piercings, and jewelry. The trick is to stand out. Women like guys that set themselves apart from the herd. If you need to, find a female friend to go shopping with you. If women aren’t complimenting your style, then you have no style.
Touching Women (Kino): Ok, so you’ve approached a woman, you’ve been chatting. You’ll notice that if she likes you, she’ll touch you, hit you on the chest or touch your arm, etc. Don’t be afraid to touch people. It’s nice, and creates a bond. People are physical. At first, don’t be creepy. If she says something you like, just touch her on the arm for a second. Shake her hand, and hold it for just a few more seconds. Get used to it, because you will rarely land a girl if you don’t start touching early.
If you wait too long, when you go to start Kino, she’ll be surprised. By touching her early on, you let her know you like her, and that you are a sexual being. Just don’t stand there for an hour and then all of the sudden try to hug her. With enough practice, you’ll be getting make-outs within minutes of an interaction. Trust me, it’s awesome.
If you don’t touch, you won’t do anything else. In more advanced lessons I’ll teach you how to go sexual through Kino. Start getting comfortable with this concept by touching everyone you meet.
Signs of Attraction: Women have subtle, unconscious signs. Some of these are smiling, touching their hair, laughing at your bad jokes, punching you, touching her chest, asking questions like, “What’s your name ? Where are you from ? Do you have a girlfriend ?” Signs become very easy to spot, but don’t rely on them. Often, women are too nervous to show their attraction. You have to let them know it’s ok through Kino and your own body and verbal language.
Vibing: Vibing is simply communication that displays attraction. It can be verbal or non-verbal. It’s the ability to direct communication into the seductive zone.
Here is an example of how not to vibe:
Boring ! That’s what every lame guy does. Try to find her emotional core. Women want emotion, not logic. Talk about things she feels. Don’t be like every other boring guy. Try it. Go out tonight and say wacky stuff to women … they love it. Make a conversation interesting.
Take Away: Give a baby a toy, and then take it away … the baby cries. Imagine yourself being that toy. After talking to girl, when she’s attracted, rock your body and look away, like you are about to leave. She wants you to stay. This gives the impression that you are ready to leave at any minute, and if she wants you to stay, she will have to work harder.
Push Pull: Dangle a string in front of a cat. If you pull it away, the cat jumps to catch it. The moment you give the cat the string, it loses interest and walks away. This is similar to screening with a twist. An example is this:
Break Rapport: Try breaking rapport. It shows you don’t have low standards.
“You have nice hair, but you should do something about the split ends.”
“You are very tall, but I’m into shorter girls.”
“I would be into you, but I’m gay.” (Credit Mystery)
Tease her. Treat her like you would your little sister. If she blushes, call her on it. If she laughs funny, tease her about that. It’s ok to be a little bit mean. But don’t hurt her. If you tease her, let her know you just think she’s cute. Girls love being teased.
Teasing creates attraction. Push pull, take aways, cat string … these are all part of teasing. Teasing shows you don’t need her validation. You are above that sort of behaviour. “Oh my god, you chew your nails ?” “You are so cute, I want to fold you up and put you in my pocket.” “Hey, where is your off button ?” Try it. It takes practice.
This disqualifies you as a potential suitor. She will wonder why you are not falling all over her trying to create attraction, and will work harder to validate herself for her own ego.
Pace her reality: You don’t always break rapport. If there is something about her personality you really appreciate, let her know. Even better, if she has the same values or experiences, share your own. “You like dogs ? I love dogs, too ! I used to have a great dog named Satan …”
Find out what she likes, and share your own likes.
Lead the Interaction: Women want a man to lead. They are often bouncing from emotion to emotion. The masculine power is logic and decision making. Lead the interaction from Point A to Point Z, even if it’s as simple as moving from the dance floor to the bar. Eventually, it should be to bed. Carry the leadership role for the duration of your relationship. Don’t believe the post-feminist hype. Women crave a man that can take command.
Women react to commands. This is the natural way of things, and they are wired to react. Don’t ask … tell and lead. “Come over here, I want to show you something.” “Hey, sit down for a second.” “Let’s go for coffee tomorrow.” Assume success. Create your own reality. That doesn’t mean ignore her leadership qualities. A good captain knows when to relinquish control, or accept others’ ideas.
Sexual Tension: Let the tension build. Don’t give in too early. Let her wonder if you like her enough to escalate. Then, when you want to move forward, she will be a very appreciative woman.
Abundance Mentality: Scarcity is a bad mentality. Abundance is powerful. There are thousands of available women in any major city. Why should you care if one rejects you ? Why should you care if she is attracted to your friend more than to you ? Get out and meet more, they’re everywhere. Approach. Take this mentality with you through every aspect of your life: money, career, relationships, and more. There is no need for jealousy or envy. Those are the signs of weak character.
Limiting beliefs: “I can’t, I won’t, that’s not me, I’m different.” Limiting beliefs are a self-fulfilling prophecy. Anything you wish for will materialize … if you take action. I’ll say it again: create your own reality. Say, “I can. I’m attractive, I will.” Don’t even let those negative thoughts form in your mind. Let them sail away and dissolve like mist.
Getting a Number: Most guys feel that asking for a number is intruding in her reality. The mistake most guys make is exactly that … they “ask.” Don’t say in an apologetic voice, “Do you think I could please have your number ?” Ugh. Just say, “Hey, I’d like to talk to you again, what’s your number ?” Assume that she’s interested. Why wouldn’t she be ? You’re awesome. If she rejects you, it’s her loss. Getting a girl’s number is very easy.
Getting a Kiss: If you think you should kiss her, you should. Women love kissing, and it’s very easy to kiss a woman minutes after meeting her. Don’t ask her for a kiss, give it. Better yet, let her kiss you.
Rejection: Yes, you will be rejected, probably many times until you get it right … and that’s ok. Even better … it’s great ! Every rejection makes you stronger. It’s a learning experience. Never ever get angry, or sad, or react badly in the slightest. Just smile and laugh it off. “That’s fine, no problem.” I’ve had women track me down after rejecting me and give me their number, based on the fact that I was never negative.
Always be Positive !
The Apparent Bitch or Mother Hen: Often, a girl will seem like a bitch at first. She’ll say things like, “Are you trying to pick me up ?” or “You have ugly shoes.” Women are very creative in their “tests,” and that’s what they are … “tests.”
Tests: Why do they test you ? To see if you are cool, of course. Are you the kind of guy that, when insulted or teased, is going to say, “Shut the hell up, bitch !” and then slap her ? Or run away with your tail between you legs ? Of course not. You are a man. Remember this rule: always be positive. Do not take these tests seriously. Do not react to them at all. Just smile and continue on with what you’re saying. Or tease her back in a playful manner. “Hey, did the cute one here take her medicine tonight ?” Remember positivity.
Sometimes women will throw all kinds of tests to find your manhood. Are you the kind of guy you pretend to be ? By staying cool and positive, eventually the tests will stop and she will accept you, even be attracted to you. Just assume she’s a cute, bratty little kid, and ignore her silly remarks. Even in long term relationships (“LTRs”) you will deal with tests often. There are many ways to deal with tests, from teasing to completely ignoring them. Just don’t take them personally.
This doesn’t mean take abuse. If a woman is abusing you, then either leave, or let her know how rude she is. This is a last resort. But don’t let anyone walk all over you, men or women. Who respects a pushover ?
Women love sex, too. But society has conditioned them to repress their desires, or rather, to hide them. Most women have an equal, if not higher sex drive than men. Women love sex !
A Date: You don’t have to spend lavish amounts of money on her, wining and dining. Just because you spoiled her doesn’t mean she will be your lover. Take her to the beach. Take her shopping for groceries. Take her somewhere you can interact together and have fun without emptying your wallet. It’s ok to have her pay her own way. She’s not your girlfriend … yet. Let her earn that sort of treatment. It’s ok to pay for something, but say something like, “I’ll get this one, and you get the next.” If she complains that you aren’t footing the bill, maybe you should question her motives. This is a time of equality between sexes right ?
The trick for dates is to do something that you enjoy. Take her on an adventure into your reality. Do things you would normally do for fun. Lead the way.
Where to Begin ?
Get out and approach women. When I was learning, I preferred pubs, lounges and bars. Sometimes the mall. Many people like dance clubs. I would say go somewhere where you won’t know many people, and where you have many options. Learning this skill is like riding a bike. You’re going to fall down many times before you ride without hands. It’s best to practice where you won’t know anyone. It’s hard at first, but doesn’t take long to master the basics. And it’s fun !
Remember, this is a fun game with a very great reward. Treat it as such. If you’re not having fun, you need to question your motives.
After enough successful interactions, you will lose all fear of approaching strangers. Once that is accomplished, you can move onto practising Kino, phone numbers, kisses, and even same-night adventures. It happens all the time, and gets easier with practice, to the point where you can meet and attract women anytime, anywhere.
This will not come quickly. It may take several years to master. The average is 2 to 4 years. But many guys can meet a great girlfriend within months of study and practice.
This skill set is not just about meeting women. It’s a path to a life-long transformation. Many guys find themselves improving all aspects of their lives, from health, to career, family and finances. It all adds up.
So get out there and start approaching. It will be scary at first, but with practice, it will become natural. You will become a charming alpha male. When I started three years ago, I went out 5-7 nights a week for 2 years. Now I teach. It’s like going to the gym … the more you go out, the quicker you get good. Now get out and have fun !
Wear a condom.
“I took a woman for Zardoz.” -Sean Connery