Question: Carlos, I hope you can help me out here. I met a girl the other day who was hanging out with a guy. She gave me her number, saying that the guy was just a friend. He said she was his girlfriend.

So whom do I believe ? The girl that says they are just friends, or the guy that says they are together ?

Carlos Xuma Answers:

I’ll bet you a fair amount of cash that you’ve run into this one before.

I have a ton of times.

The circumstances are slightly different, but in the end, you want to know if she’s “with him” or not.

You go into a bar, or club, or you see an attractive woman in the store that you want to meet, and there’s this other guy there. She’s not really affectionate towards him, even though he seems to be pretty touchy-feely and attentive.

You might walk up and say hello to her and she acts nice and interested, and introduces her “friend” John to you.

And then he puffs up his chest and acts all possessive, c*ck-blocking you all over the place.

You want to know whom you should believe ?

Neither of them !

Here’s what’s going on from her perspective:

This guy is a “wannabe.”

He’s probably needy and clingy, and doesn’t really man-up enough to get her excited and sexually attracted. That’s why she says they’re just “friends,” even if they’re sorta dating.

Sure, she tried dating him a couple times, but lost that lovin’ feeling way back when he first started kissing her ass to get her approval.

She just hasn’t worked up enough nerve to tell him to hit the freakin’ road yet. She wants to let him down easy.

(That, or she’s still getting the occasional dinner from him, and doesn’t want to kill the Golden Goose.)

Now, here’s what’s going on from his perspective:

He’s invested a lot of money in buying this girl dinners, drinks, and taking her out, and she still hasn’t put out. He’s only getting a little kissing at the end of the dates, and she always pulls away first … and then he winds up going home alone.

He’s getting frustrated, but he’s also convinced he’s got some ownership privilege here based on his financial investment.

Am I being cynical ?

Maybe a teeny tiny bit.

But the reality is that when you have two people giving this kind of conflicting story, you know there’s more than meets they eye.

If you’re in this situation, you have to realize that a woman often dates a guy because he’s a BTN.

Better Than Nothing.

It’s not evil or manipulative. After all, guys do it, too.

What it means is that she’s a serial dater. She doesn’t dump the guy she’s with until she’s got her next one all lined up. Hey, none of that ugly break-up sadness when you can just jump to the next knight in shining armor …

Look, I say you should call this girl and take her out. I really don’t think the other guy realizes he’s being a tool. And since you’re using superior battlefield strategy, you are going to get the girl.

Again, I usually don’t condone “boyfriend destroying” or any of that nonsense …

But this guy isn’t even a boyfriend … and the saddest part is that he doesn’t even know it. You can’t be responsible for someone else’s delusions, right ?

Here’s another little secret that most guys don’t know: a woman is often much more open and receptive to being approached when she’s around another man.

Why ?

Because she’s aware that she’d have to explain herself to her “friend” if she were bitchy to the guy. She’s self-conscious and programmed to maintain her “angelic” appearance. Plus, women have a built-in need for validation from men that is almost never being satisfied.

Even by their own boyfriends.

And if you’re worried about approaching “attached” women, here’s an easy technique to find out right away what the real story is …

Just walk up to him and say: “Hey, I just had to come over and tell you what a stunning girlfriend you have, man …”

And everything will play into your hands from there, with no confrontations or ugly shoving and name-calling.

She will glow and get stars in her eyes for you, and he’ll have to either thank you … or confess the blessed truth of his friends-only status.

And if their stories conflict, now you know the real deal.

Remember: real alpha men never have to jealously guard their women from being “stolen,” because she’s got to work to keep her prize.


I teach men how to attract women by being themselves – the confident and dominant men that really get women. I teach from a place of values and honor, and I’m proud to say that my material doesn’t rely on manipulation or tricks to get you more dates and more women in your life.

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