You just stepped out of the shower.

After briefly fixing your hair, you head over to your closet to pick out your outfit for the night. You check yourself out in the mirror again – damn you look good.

You take a knee in the solitude of your bedroom, close your eyes and whisper a silent prayer to the seduction gods to bless your Saturday night with the company of a stunning beauty and an unforgettable adventure.

Your friends come to pick you up and once in the car, you put the music on full-blast and pum yourselves up… It’s gonna be a good night. You rehearse your best line in your mind. You know exactly what you’re going to say and can already imagine how smooth you’re going to come across.

As you walk up to the club, your excitement quickly turns into dread: Not only is the club packed, but the music is so terribly, terribly loud…

How to approach women in loud clubs

I used to have a lot of trouble with this. Mostly because I’m not tall, I’m not particularly good looking, and I’m not on steroids. Clubs were a lonely place for me, until things began to make sense.

Okay, the first thing you need to understand is this; Ask yourself ‘what do I want?’

This is super important. Most men will walk around the club aimlessly, without purpose or direction, just wobbling about. There’s something almost spiritual about the clarity you gain when asking the above question.

How do you apply this? It’s simple; you spot a beautiful girl in a tight black dress. “I just wanna have a drink with my boys” you hear yourself say. “What do I want?” her. The answer is her. Okay, what are you waiting for? “She’s clearly with a couple guys”, probably, but “what do I want?” her. “She’s mid-conversation, it would be rude to interrupt”. Whose life are you living? yours or someone else’s? So again, “what do I want?” her.

Now you have clarity. A man knows what he wants and takes it.

So you’ve decided what you want, what do you do now? You walk like a man of purpose; point A to point B. No stops, no breaks, no pussyfooting around.

Loud clubs are a ton of fun because it allows you to have even greater clarity than anywhere else. You literally have an excuse to walk up, get real close and whisper in her ear. Awesome! What could be more seductive than that?
You want her. Don’t stop to talk to her friends (just yet), don’t try to weasel your way into the group. Don’t look at the men in her group for approval. Don’t circle around her group until you can get close enough to her to lean in and peck at her ear like a frightened child tugging at mommy’s skirt for some attention.

I can’t stress this enough – learning to shamelessly, unapologetically show up is one of the greatest skills you can master. The sheer confidence of that move is enough to get her attracted to you on the spot. You won’t even need to think of what to say – your desire is enough.

And make no mistake about this; women want to be desired. I know what you’re thinking “I want women all the time but they think I’m creepy”. That’s because you want women, you do not desire them. I’m talking about that feeling you get when a woman blows you away, when you can’t take your eyes off her and your entire body seems consumed with a burning desire – a desire so strong that you don’t even care who is watching. You don’t care what others think. You don’t care if her friends are judging you. You don’t even care if she thinks you’re crazy. All that exists in your head is what you want. That, my friend, is how you desire a woman.

The opening scene in the film Crazy Stupid Love is one of the best depictions of this I’ve ever seen in a movie. Sure, for the sake of the plot, Emma Stone originally rejects Ryan Gosling’s advances and he ends up acting like a douche, but the first minute or two is absolute gold. Gosling’s character walks right up the table where the two girls are sitting, firm, tall and in control. He states his desire towards Emma Stone’s character (“There’s plenty of beautiful women in this bar, your friend included, but I can’t take my eyes off you. That’s a fact, not a line”). He doesn’t care who is watching, he doesn’t care what her friend thinks, none of it really registers to him. All that exists is what he wants and by God he will show up like a man to get it.

So where were we?

Oh yes, point A to point B.

Make it a habit to put your ego on the line – take the beating. Walk right across the floor, gently push your way into her circle of friends and plant your two feet in front of her, look her square in the eye (there is no attraction without eye contact). Pause a second, relax. This is important here; project. You are not a frightened child asking for approval, you are a man, here to take what he wants. Because the club is loud, you have to be even louder. Close the distance, get up real close, put your arm around her waist, lean into her ear and state your desire. Tell her exactly what you’re thinking. Tell her you want her, tell her you can’t take your eyes off her. Tell her how incredible she looks in that dress and you wanted to see if there’s more to her than meets the eye. Then, extend your hand and introduce yourself. If she takes it, it’s on.

That, my friends, is how a man seduced a woman in a loud club.

Patrick Ananda
Patrick Ananda

Patrick is a scoundrel, rogue, vagabond and founder of the Centered Man Project. He teaches men how to overcome their social anxiety and fear of rejection, by unleashing their unshakable self-confidence.

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