Adaptive (In Response to B*lair):
Hey, good post but there are some things that I don’t understand.
You say that you have the girl trying to pursue you, trying to impress you, chasing, etc., but how do you build up to the point where she is willing to put this effort into you instead of saying fuck it and hooking up with some other guy … since, as a beautiful woman, she obviously has options ?
I think all of us who have a bit of experience know that hot, social, well-connected girls at any given time will have a few “guys that have game” pursuing her. I don’t have as much experience as you but what I have had happen to me before is that if I don’t go out of my way to stand out, be more fun, etc. the girl just won’t notice me. If I ignore her, she just won’t care and will move on to some guy who puts in more effort or is more persistent.
Maybe it’s because I haven’t developed my game enough, but I find that with really hot girls (9+) if I act uninterested, the girl just thinks, “Ok, fine, fuck that” and doesn’t care. She knows she’s got dozens of other options, so if I don’t care … why should she ? But in your case, it seems like you acted totally uninterested the whole time, and she was going out of her way to pursue you. How are you getting her to pursue you in this way ?
Yes I agree that when you start out in your development, acting uninterested seems very fruitless. And standing in your corner ignoring women isn’t exactly going to get you results. The point is not to act uninterested. The point is to ultimately be uninterested (I prefer to say indifferent), yet act in the moment.
Don’t misunderstand: I wasn’t ignoring her or belittling her achievements. Simply put: I was interested in her as much as I’d be interested in the average girl that wants me. This is very key. If you try to act uninterested, then you are interested (and being a bit weird about it).
Don’t worry, I remember doing this all the time.
What’s much much more effective is being indifferent, unattached to any outcome, and carefree. See, if you weren’t attached to an outcome, then you wouldn’t go out of your way to ignore someone or act uninterested … especially if they themselves are putting in effort to get to know you and have fun with you (like she did). The key is, you want to be social, fun and friendly but you do not want to pursue.
I also sometimes do very powerful and very direct game like the one you describe. That is different to some extent, because there’s the inherent risk that you might get rejected since you’re sticking your neck out. But if you play by the numbers, you will get results. In both cases however (even if you do chase a bit at first to grab her attention … hopefully in a cool, social, non-creepy, non-desperate way), I believe you must communicate some key things to make it work. In both cases you must be indifferent to the outcome and be unaffected by her reactions. She must realize she has no power over you.
If she’s very confident, she must ultimately want to work to get your attention and get sex. If she’s less confident, she must fold into your reality as you lead her to sex.
The big difference is in your reality, men must always chase women in order to have sex with them. While chasing could get you laid, it’s the least powerful way of attracting someone. It’s very risky and has a high chance of bringing failure and frustration. You need to give women the opportunity to chase you. They want a challenge. If you offer them that challenge, then you are in the position of power, and her panties will ooze for you.
This doesn’t mean that you ignore her or mistreat her, it simply means that she has no value to you outside of being a regular girl. This is the position from which she wants to fight to be more in your eyes.
It’s so simple it’s stupid. The trick is to not try. Don’t even try to not try, just don’t try. A lot of guys talk too much, they oversell the hell out of themselves. You want to be a buyer, not a seller. You want her to sell herself to you on reasons why you should be talking to her. First you need to start being a buyer with a lot of choice. A buyer with a lot of choice won’t jump at the first occasion to show off or connect. He won’t be desperate to fill up a silence or lull in the conversation. He won’t insist on continuing the conversation at all costs. He isn’t attached to the situation in the slightest. He isn’t even that interested in getting contact information. If you start having this mindset and coming from a deep place of abundance, then women will eventually just want to prove themselves to you.
Of course, if you never even enter her reality, how could you hope to achieve anything ? You must enter her reality, but in a powerful way. The guys that you see as being successful from trying very hard and getting a phone number at the end of the night are usually wasting their time. They call, text, go on endless dates, try to be cute and funny all the time. They want to show off with whatever they have, and come out with original ideas to impress the girl.
You don’t want to be doing that. That is a one-way road to frustration and failure. The success you may get going down that road isn’t even worth it because you will always be putting in so much effort for it. You need to live in a reality where women just want you. They chase you. They stick out their necks for you. Nothing less. Once you establish this reality, then you will never experience failure again. It’s that powerful.