Digging deeper is the theme today.  First we have a comment by DJ Fuji who talks about how he deals with “hard cases” which I alluded to in an earlier email.  Not everyone is going to make radical changes with just a new look and a weekend of in-field coaching – a lot of guys have deeper issues that just aren’t going to dissolve so easily.  (Just to be clear, though, I have personally seen a lot of guys pretty much transform over the course of a weekend training, so short term solutions do work for some.)  I have seen and heard discussion behind the scenes from a few different schools where they are proposing a more lengthy training program.  I’ve seen one year apprentice programs, discussion of six week programs, etc.  I definitely think this is a good direction.  Depending on how things are set up, this can be expensive and, even if affordable, difficult to give the needed time to.  An example would be the Project Rockstar that LoveSystems put on – it’s not easy to take six weeks out of your life and devote full time to self development. I am sure that time and money stand in the way of most of the guys who need it the most.

DJ Fuji 

Working with challenging or “hard case” students is something that I’m known for both because I was a hard case myself and worked through very significant challenges of my own (being 5’4″, Asian, introverted, etc.) and because I’ve developed a reputation through the years of getting results for these students when others have failed. My students today have a very wide and varied set of issues and challenges that we work through together. There are the traditional hurdles of being short, or overweight, or lacking confidence or being physically unattractive, but there are also more extreme issues that we deal with, many of which require us to work closely with doctors and psychiatric experts. We’ve worked extensively with students struggling with clinical depression, social anxiety disorders, and physical, cognitive, and learning disabilities.

Throughout our experiences, two concepts continue to reappear:

1. If you’re struggling with dating and things aren’t improving, you will most likely continue to struggle until you either get randomly lucky or until you find a good coach who can help you.

2. The industry standard 3-day boot camp with tons of lecture and a couple of nights infield with a coach who runs around drinking and hopefully giving you a few pointers — is flawed and unlikely to do much if you’re one of the “hard cases.” Challenging students need much, much more than a 3-day “feel good” weekend. What they need is mentorship.

At this point, 99% of our coaching is done within personal mentorship programs because that’s simply what works. Mentorship programs are when a coach takes a student under his wing and works with him 1-on-1 for a year or more. Unfortunately, there’s no “quick fix” for hard case students because if there was, they wouldn’t be hard case students.

Most of the time, working with these challenges involves a combination of exposure therapy (usually through in-field coaching), cognitive behavioral therapy, and tactical intervention (teaching correct behaviors and habits.) While hard case students obviously tend to be the most challenging, they are also the most rewarding to work with, as most of our coaching staff has struggled through the same difficulties in their own respective journeys.

Clifford:

Ross Jeffries below bring up some other level comments on what attracts women as being “an ever changing response INSIDE the neurology” which is a very intriguing concept.  As he explains, it goes beyond “looks” and raises a different perspective.

Ross Jeffries:

Hayley has said it better than I could, and I endorse her answer as being the most thorough and intelligent.  Otherwise, all I can report is my own experience; there is no standard, common-sense, “materialistic”  explanation for the difference in my “looks” and “age” and the “looks” and “age” of the women I have and can still get.People would swear I’m paying for them and I’m not.

For me, it comes down to a much more profound understanding than anyone even asking this kind of question begins to see:

“Looks” are not some fixed quality of some “thing”.  And attraction doesn’t exist anyway, except as an ever changing response INSIDE the neurology of the woman whom you wish to attract.  

It’s an activity her neurology does, not a quality YOU possess. 

And asking “How important” is a sloppy way to put it. As measured by what? In what units of measurement?

I think what goes on between men and women isn’t just limited to cause and effect, simplistic, “one” input gets “one” output equations.

Something else is going on; something in the realm of belief, energy and unconscious communication.

If you don’t believe in any of that; fine.  Go work out, get plastic surgery, try to find and follow some standard model of what works.

But as far as I can see, it’s a huge mistake to ask questions about one area of human interaction without diving a little deeper and asking what is really going on with what it means to be “human”.  Are we just bits of stuff, with some of us having bits that look more appealing to those whose bits we want to play with?

Or is there something more to what is going on than meets the eye with all aspects of our human journey?

I’m so glad I quit teaching all of this.  And put it in the capable hands of Ms. Quinn.

Clifford:

I’m interested to know more about how to deal with the “realm of belief, energy and unconscious communication” when it comes to creating efficient attraction.  What are your experiences?

Best,
Clifford


Clifford
Clifford

I have been fortunate enough to have been able to present a lot of great material in the cliff’s list newsletters and now on the website that have made a significant difference in many guy’s lives.

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