The only thing separating you from success is experience … and the only thing separating you from experience is success. How to break the vicious circle.


What is the biggest difference between a frat boy and a geek when it comes to success with women ?

The way they think they’re being perceived.

I really think that the most important thing is how hot you think you are. Much more than what you know about what works and what doesn’t.

What do successful guys all have in common ? They all think women want them. They know they may have to do this and that to seal the deal, but deep down, they know that most of the time it’s gonna work. And this is the biggest confidence builder.

It doesn’t matter if you have a nice car, a cool loft, are handsome, or know some techniques. That doesn’t make you successful with women.

What makes you successful on a consistent basis is that you know women love you. You don’t know exactly what they love about you, but you know that most of them are or will be interested in you.

I’ll even go as far as to say that all the techniques and stuff we learn are useless in some way. They are only useful to correct bad behaviors that we have or to change our mindset about the whole thing.

They don’t bring us success with girls … they just help us make fewer mistakes.

What really attracts a girl is your confidence. We know that. But not confidence that you are valuable as a person. We all know we are.

Instead, it’s confidence that women love to be around us, want to give us their phone numbers and want to sleep with us. We go out and try this “’new technique.” It doesn’t work that well, so we come back the next day with something else and have the same result.

But we keep trying.

The good thing about this is that by going out more, we learn to be more comfortable in a bar, talking to strangers, having conversations with women, etc.

But a guy who goes out twice a week for 3 years (the average time it takes for most guys to transform) and who just tries stuff without knowing the community at all at will probably improve much faster.

All those theories only give us a reason to go out and interact with women. I never really used any canned material. I don’t have a typical opener. I don’t follow a particular “system.” But I’ve become good at improvisation while talking with women. I just developed better reflexes on how to react to various things they say or do. Practice makes perfect as they say …

The only thing we have to overcome to get good with women is the fear of being rejected, of getting your ego hurt.

Lets say a marketing firm hires you to make an experiment. You’ll be paid 30$ an hour on your spare time (about 10 hours a week) to test some approaches scientifically. These tests would not be to evaluate you personally, but to see what would happen if a normal guy asks a certain question or makes a certain move.

So I would ask you to go say, “I love your purse. I want to buy one like that for my girlfriend. Where did you buy it ?” to the next 30 women that pass by. I would take notes and then you would come back and we would compile the data and try something else.

It doesn’t matter if you’re attractive or not … we just want to test which sentence works better. Would you really care about the outcome ? There’s no outcome dependency. You’re just paid to ask a specific question to many people (women in this case).

But what would happen ? Let’s say you do this for a few months … would you still be stressed about approaching a girl ?

Probably not.

But maybe you would go out by yourself and try it on your own. You would probably start talking to women really easily, but get stressed about asking for their phone numbers … but then the marketing team calls you again and says they want to test what percentage of women would give their number to a normal dude like you. Then it probably would be fine for you to do it, right ?

You see where I’m going ?

The way I see it, the only way to get good with women is by experience. And the only reason we’re not getting experience is because we are afraid of the reaction women will have towards us.

Let me ask you something. Is it possible that all the “naturals,” the guys that always had it, just have more experience for some reason ? Is it possible that when they were 10 years old, they would just talk to more girls than us ? Yes there are environmental and educational reasons why they did it more all their lives, but in the end what I’m saying is that they are probably good with women not because of their looks, their financial situation, their status or their reputation, but only because they have more experience than we do.

All those things (looks, money, status) just help. They are not the reason why girls are into you or not. A shy person is not as good socially as an outgoing person. Why ? Because he’s shy and doesn’t talk to others as much at the outgoing one.

Why doesn’t he talk more to others ? Because he’s shy !

Why would someone be bad with women ? Because he didn’t try enough to get good at it. Why doesn’t he try more ? Because he’s not good enough … make sense ?

Yeah but … feeling that girls love you = being good with girls = (how much experience you have) X (environmental factors).

So when you go talk to a woman, understand deep inside that it’s totally normal to not be as good as you would like to be yet. Then just relax and try stuff. Your success is not a reflection of how cool you are, but just an externalization of your experience in that field. With everything in life, when you start, you’re not as good as when you have practiced it for awhile.

To close the loop, the techniques are just there to give you a small boost. But everything is learned through practice. Guys who know women love them are not good because they know more stuff; they know more stuff because they practiced more. That’s all.


I have been fortunate enough to have been able to present a lot of great material in the cliff’s list newsletters and now on the website that have made a significant difference in many guy’s lives.

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