The most common way guys undermine their own success … and how to keep it from happening.
I’ve loved hot girls back when loving hot girls wasn’t even cool. Yup. That’s right. Back when all my classmates were vaccinating themselves against the opposite sex with the cootie shot, I had already been infected with a crippling appreciation for the fairer sex.
Naturally, this acquainted me with the cold, harsh world of rejection before I’d stopped believing in the Tooth Fairy. I may have loved women my entire life, but the feeling certainly wasn’t always mutual. It wasn’t until I realized that girls rejecting me had nothing to do with the girls themselves, but instead everything to do with how I thought about the girls.
It all boiled down to a single question. A toxic, 6-word question that often appeared in my mind—either consciously or unconsciously—acted like a malignant tumor to whatever attraction a girl might have felt for me.
Once I identified the question, and decided to never again ask it, I delivered myself from that cold, harsh world of rejection. And I promise you, most of your rejections also stem from this one voodoo-spell of a question.
But before we talk about that, be my Jiminy Cricket for a moment and sit on my shoulder as I kick some game to one of the hottest girls I’d ever seen …
So the year is 2007 and I’m peacocked out, locked in, and disqualifying an absolutely stunning blonde at a swanky hotel bar in New York City. The pickup is unfolding like a field report inspired by Homer—this girl is Helen-of-Troy-hot and her interest in me is epic. Everything was going so well—and so quickly—that I hardly had a chance to take note …
… one moment I was asking for her opinion on something, the next her hand was pressed passionately against my chest, her finger aimlessly twirling a strand of her perfect blonde hair as she asked for my name, asked if I had a girlfriend, asked all the questions that have no significance other than to signify attraction …
I continued to run game proper on her, until she looked at me with a smile, reached into her purse to get her wallet, and said, “Let me buy you a drink, what do you want ?”
Now, you’re on my shoulder. You hear her ask this. You’re my Jiminy Cricket, my conscience. How would you advise me to proceed ? (Keep in mind, my mouth is parched.) Do I take the drink, or do I refuse ? The question sounds asinine and the answer seems obvious, but what would you advise me to do ?
Oh, and if you haven’t realized, this has nothing to do with the actual drink, yet everything to do with what the drink implies.
So what’s your advice, Jiminy ? Because I’ll tell you what actually happened, what I did back in 2007. I refused. Sheepishly, I glanced toward the floor, smiled an embarrassed smile, and mumbled, “No, that’s okay.”
“But I want to buy you a drink,” she insisted. “What do you want ?”
For a moment I reconsidered. There was nothing in the world I would’ve loved more at that moment than a cold Blue Moon draft with an orange garnish to accompany this Homeric pickup moment, yet I backed away from her. I threw my hands up in protest. And I said, “No, really. The drinks are expensive here. You don’t have to do that.”
Minutes later, her white-hot attraction had cooled to an icy, “I’m gonna get back to my friends … nice meeting you though !” And I watched as yet another hot girl walked out of my life—a trend I’d known as long as I’d believed in the Tooth Fairy. Learning “game” may have prolonged the cold, harsh world of rejection—but it didn’t deliver me from it.
That’s because it doesn’t matter how much game you have, or how good you look, or how much money’s in your bank account, or even how much of a celebrity you are … if 6 little words creep into your head followed by a question mark, it’s over. It’s like detonating a dirty bomb during a pickup—there will be no survivors.
If you haven’t guessed, that little lethal question is, “Why do I deserve this girl ?” Until a few years ago, I couldn’t help but ask myself that question. It crept into my mind, regardless of the caliber of game I was kicking … though it never presented itself outright. Instead, the question seeped into my mind insidiously, and then manifested itself during an offbeat moment, such as when a beautiful girl would offer to buy me a drink.
Maybe you can relate. Perhaps you also know that, during that split second when her offer hangs in the air, if you ask yourself, “Why do I deserve this girl ?” you’re essentially shooting yourself in the dick.
What you probably don’t know, however, is there’s a simple cure. By just identifying the question, you can stop yourself from asking it. (Aren’t you glad you read this article ?!) That’s because you’ll find an answer before the girl’s ever in front of you.
The answer isn’t because you have great game, or a fresh new haircut, or even a shiny red Corvette; the answer is because you know the life experience and good emotions you have to offer someone. You know what you’ve been through, what you’ve seen, and what you know. And if that doesn’t answer why you deserve this girl, then you shouldn’t be looking to piece together your game—you should be piecing together your life.
Once you have it pieced together, then loving hot girls will only result in them loving you back. No longer will you feel the chill of cold, harsh rejection. Instead you’ll enjoy that Blue Moon draft with a girl whose beauty rivals Helen, as I take the form of Jiminy Cricket and do a little celebratory break dance on your shoulder because that toxic, 6-word question never once crossed your mind. You do deserve that girl.