Have you ever spent a lot of time sending out tons of messages to attractive girls online, only to receive back few or no replies at all ? If you’re like most guys, the answer is yes.
That is why we want to go over probably the absolute biggest frustration guys have when it comes to meeting women online. In fact, it is the reason most guys give up before they taste any type of success. Here’s a common question we get:
Hey Race and Kelly,
I have played around with MySpace and Facebook on and off over the last two years but never really saw anything come from it. Most of my messages are never responded to. What am I doing wrong ? What can I do to make a girl want to respond to me ? Thanks for any help.
When we first started messaging girls on MySpace and Facebook a few years back, we were having less than stellar results, but we were determined to crack the code. So thousands of messages and hundreds of girls later we have come to some startling conclusions.
First off, most guys don’t know how to design their profiles to demonstrate their attractive qualities. Just as startling, most guys send out the exact same type of message. This message is extremely boring and highly ineffective. What are most guys doing wrong ?
1) They start off by giving the girl a compliment.
2) They point out something they have in common based on her profile and suggest that because of that they should chat sometime.
3) They tell their whole life story in an attempt to “sell” themselves to her.
Here are a couple of examples that a girl we met off MySpace forwarded over to us just this week. Keep in mind she gets an inbox full of these types of messages on a daily basis … and that’s even with her profile set to private !
Subject: What’s up ? Body: Hey there, Beautiful ! How’s life treating you ? I just wanted to say hello and see what’s up with you ! So … what’s crackin with you ? Anyway, Get back at me and let me know what’s good !
Subject: Hi Body: hey there beautiful hows it going ? my name is Jr. im 6’2 195 lbs. i used to be in the military and im currenlty in collage for massage theraphy and working. im a hopeless romantic. i had my heart broken to many times. i dont like to lie and i wont cheat on a girl and i just cant do it anyways. i cant live with the guilt id rather …
Blah blah blah … A girl won’t even read that much.
The point is, these types of messages don’t work. And they don’t work for many reasons. Imagine you are an attractive girl and, after having guys hit on you all day long, you log into your MySpace/Facebook account and open a message from a guy you don’t know, and he is telling you how beautiful you are and is listing all the reasons why he is the perfect guy for you.
That would get pretty old pretty quickly, right ? No wonder girls don’t respond to this.
So the question is …
How can you become the guy who consistently meets up with all those cute girls online ?
We’ll start by looking at a different approach to writing the opening message.
The primary goals of an opening message are to be read and to receive a response. Nothing more. You don’t need to show her how rich you are or how cool you are. You don’t have anything to prove to her. This is not to say that the direct approach doesn’t work. It just works far less often because 40 other guys are using the same “strategy.”
Remember, the only purpose of the opening message is to get the conversation going. Soon, she won’t even remember how the conversation started because she’ll be having too much fun talking to you.
The anatomy of a good opening message is as follows:
Don’t show any “real” interest.
Keep it short.
Make statements or pose questions that require more information.
Two things will happen when a girl receives a message like this. First, it will compel her to want to respond to you. Second, she will want to go to your profile to see if she knows you and, if not, to gather more information. This is exactly what you want her to do, because if you have set up you profile, your profile will do all the work for you. She will actually get excited to write you back !
Now that she’s responded, you’re in a conversation and can start to build comfort and attraction and ultimately meet up with her after about 6-8 messages.