While some of the sex tips that have appeared on this list may be good, I think they must be of limited use to those who really need them. You don’t teach someone to fight by showing them how to kick out a knee.

Being good in bed is not difficult. Here are a few simple ideas to that end:

1) Be aware that every woman is different when it comes to sex—often surprisingly so. Adapt. Some women have very sensitive breasts and will get incredibly turned on by your touching or licking them. Others feel next to nothing and will assume you’re just entertaining yourself. Some women like fingers inside them. Others hate that. Some women have one orgasm and are done for the night. Others seem able to go on indefinitely. The key is to pay attention to how the woman under you is responding. If one thing isn’t working, try something else. Try lots of different things and different ways of doing particular things. It often helps to ask her what’s working and what’s not.

2) Maintain a relaxed and confident attitude (probably the same one that got her into bed). This is particularly valuable when things do not go as planned. It can get you through all kinds of problems, such as premature ejaculation, episodes of impotence, or just plain inexperience. For example, say you’re in bed for the first time and inexplicably you’re not getting hard. Don’t get upset. Realize you don’t need to apologize. You might first get her off some other way. Then you might comment how strange it is that you are not getting hard, considering that she really turns you on (I assume so, why else are you in bed with her?). Tell her not to worry, this is very unusual (if it is), and the problem will no doubt take care of itself in due time. If there is something you need her to do to get your engine running, all you need to do is ask.

3) Leave your hang-ups at the door.

On the specifics:

Fingering : See (1) above. Be sure to experiment in the range of extremely light touches and slow movements when it comes to her clit.

Oral Sex: I like the Sam Kinison approach. If you don’t know what your doing down there, start spelling the alphabet.

Dicking: A hard dick is the best single tool to have in your tool chest. I used to have trouble holding back and finally consulted a sex therapist. What I learned was that time to orgasm tends to be habitual. The key therapy for me was drawing out masturbation for progressively longer periods. You cut back on stimulation as needed to avoid orgasming sooner than intended.

As far as my own credibility goes, I’ve been getting uniformly high marks in this area for many years. Even my exes say the sex was great. Caveat here—for some reason women like to stroke your ego in this way. They’ll tell you you have a big dick when your dick is just average. Enjoy the compliments but don’t take them too seriously lest you become unduly self-satisfied.

Regardless of the differences I emphasized above, it’s reasonable to expect virtually every woman to orgasm at least once nearly every time you have sex. If you are not getting that result, don’t sweat it, but make some adjustments and you’ll probably do better.


I have been fortunate enough to have been able to present a lot of great material in the cliff’s list newsletters and now on the website that have made a significant difference in many guy’s lives.

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