A Cliff’s List reader struggles with jealousy and frustration.


The following post came to me as an anonymous email and I discussed it with a few friends. Some of them told me that this guy had expressed very well their own frustrations, and it occurred to me that there are probably a lot of guys suffering in silence who read not only Cliff’s List but other materials on dating and seduction. Read this, and if you have some thoughts on it, please log in and post your comments there.


Why did I have to miss out ?

I missed out on what everyone else experienced. I am still missing out on what everyone else is experiencing !

She had sex with a guy last month, and a new guy last Friday in the rain, and she told me how much she loved it and how she didn’t have to give a thought about making it happen ! It was so easy for her. She gets to feel good around the opposite sex without effort ! She gets to have social fun without any effort ! I have to work hard ! I have to think about this stuff and it still doesn’t work !

She doesn’t have to do any of this ! She has something that I don’t ! I want that. I am jealous of that. I hate her virulently for that.

I picture her and that guy, that guy who doesn’t have to think about making sex happen either, and the two of them are just going at it in the rain passionately. They’re enjoying themselves, and I’m here thinking about how envious I am of them.

They can get away with this. I can’t get away with it. Instead, I have to suffer in self-hatred and envy for not being able to make sex happen. They don’t suffer. I suffer.

I suffer. She doesn’t. She can’t understand what I go through. She doesn’t suffer at all by comparison.

I suffer. He doesn’t. He can’t understand what I go through. He doesn’t suffer at all by comparison.

I don’t deserve this. This is unfair. I should have been able to have sex in the rain without effort. I shouldn’t have ever had to think about this ! This should never have been a concern of mine ! I hate myself that it ever was. I hate myself virulently that I ever had to think about this.

I should be able to turn back time, erase the fact that I couldn’t get sex to happen and erase the fact that it ever bothered me along with any evidence of this situation. I should be able to reset everything to the way I want it to be. I should not feel this way.

Then I’ll be at ease. Then I won’t have any worries. Then nothing will bother me and I won’t have any problems, because this is the problem. Once this problem gets handled, nothing else could be a problem for me by comparison. Nothing I have thought about hurts as much as this.

If I take care of this, everything else by comparison is no problem at all. Nothing hurts psychologically like this.



The pain this guy is experiencing is not only familiar and sad, but heartbreaking. By posting a lot of what you read here (and you should be going through the archives of old posts if you haven’t already, as there is a lot of great free information there) I am trying to help out, but I keep feeling there is more that can be done. If you have some ideas (and we have some ourselves, most of which will eventually be accessible through our site), please let us know about them.


I have been fortunate enough to have been able to present a lot of great material in the cliff’s list newsletters and now on the website that have made a significant difference in many guy’s lives.

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