I hope you are enjoying this series of Cliff’s List emails which is presenting comments on the wide variety of challenges that men face in their quest to be more successful with women.  We’re talking about the real things that bother you – height, weight and body issues, your looks, your financial situation, your attitude, etc.  I’ve been engaging many of the world’s best pick up artists, seduction coaches, and dating experts for their views.  My not so hidden agenda is to pit them up against each other with the goal of stimulating some healthy debate where, when there are differences of opinion, each will present why they feel their solutions are best and you will be able to get some real insight into what these skilled trainers think as well as different perspectives on strategies and methods.  This will have the added bonus of letting you see what ideas and concepts are out there and find the path (and trainer and/or method) that resonates with you.  I am, as usual, looking to present some real value for you here and if you have any questions or anything to contribute, please email me.

Today 60 Years of Challenge talks about having the mindset of deserving a quality woman.  

“Do You Really Deserve Her?

You may not be dating beautiful women right now, but that isn’t the problem. Your real problem is something much different. Something more deadly.

The biggest “inner game” mistake is when you secretly believe….you don’t deserve beautiful women. For example, I realize I probably won’t sleep with a perfect 10 every night I go out. However, I always feel like I deserve one.

If not, you’re basically saying beautiful women are better than you as a person. Just because they look good. Can you see the difference in mindset?

You deserve her, but realistically you might not get her. (and that’s okay).

This mindset is crucial, because if a hot woman starts flirting with me, I won’t be shocked. I will be ready to take action. I deserve it.

On the other hand, if you feel like you don’t deserve a beautiful woman, then when one does show interest, you won’t believe it. And you will sabotage yourself. I see this happen to students all the time and it sucks because the girl really liked them, but they just couldn’t believe it.
Remember, you may not be dating the type of women you want right now, but that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve them.

Start cultivating a “I deserve it” mindset and watch your results with women skyrocket.”

One of the most prevalent concepts out there is that almost any problem you have can be solved by having the right attitude.  That’s probably impossible to argue against, but this is, as they say, “easier said than done.”  Just because you know that if you had a super positive attitude, showed a lot of great enthusiastic energy, and expected only the best outcomes possible, that you would have great success, it doesn’t mean you can actually do it.  Well, you could actually do it (meaning you know you technically are equipped to do it) but it doesn’t mean you will really be able to behave this way, no matter how much you know this is what you should be doing.  It’s like dieting – for me, for example, if I need to be on a diet even though I may know 100% that I need to lose weight and know exactly what I need to do, I usually can’t stick to a diet and program until somehow or other my mind falls into the right place and it’s only then that I can follow through with eating and exercising right.  I can’t tell you why or how my mind shifts into “diet mode” but I do know that it just doesn’t work until it makes that shift.  What about you?  What has worked for you to make changes in your life that has helped you succeed with women? Is there something that you did or experienced that put you in the right “diet mode” for women?

Here are some comments from Brian Burke on some issues that can be fixed.

“Great stuff Cliff – after coaching guys myself for 9 years, I’ve seen two basic problems that can be fixed fast. The first is style and grooming. I’ll have students send me photos of how they normally dress, and I will then get an idea of how to upgrade their fashion game. A lot of times guys show up to a coaching program with bad haircuts, long dirty nails, baggy/ugly clothes, and just don’t look “clean and put together.” No matter how confident you are, if a woman senses you aren’t groomed, she won’t want to get naked with you. Also, you must look like the kind of guy who hangs around cool, successful people, and the way you dress has a lot to do with this. So I like to take the guy shopping, and even get a haircut a day before we begin the actual program. That way, when he learns how to approach and escalate, he’s not held back by basic fashion/grooming mistakes that are easily fixed with a little cash and an hour at the mall. 

The other thing is guys who have small frames or have little muscle tone. Guys who are short, skinny, and out of shape are going to struggle to get the hottest women, even if they have great social skills. Part of it is the physical aspect. A woman needs to feel like the man she is with could protect her from danger (it’s our primal wiring). But I think more important is the lack of testosterone flowing in the guy’s blood, and his un-sexual image. A woman won’t give you the time of day unless she can imagine having sex with you. The good news is, if you are short or skinny, you can get away with really sexual behavior. It creates a contrast because it’s unexpected, and of course, it leads to her imagining sex with you. I just finished some videos where I open up my secret cookbook for lighting that sexual spark with any woman – check it out here if you’re interested. 

And similar comments from Blackdragon:

“I was chubby during much of my successes with women a few years ago, so I can relate when guys ask me about what to do if they’re overweight. My long-term advice to them is to start losing weight by getting comfortable with the “Lose It!” smartphone app, Get accustomed to measuring food before they eat it, and start exercising regularly if they aren’t already. My short-term advice is to immediately address every other aspect of their physical appearance (including grooming, fashion, body language, eye contact, voice tonality, etc.) so that their weight is the only physical negative to their results. Lastly, they need to assume a confident and outcome independent frame and demeanor, even if that means they have to fake it for a while by emulating confident celebrities like Sean Connery or Robert Downey Jr. Assuming a guy is putting in the numbers, weight can be overcome if he’s paying attention to everything else.”

One thing that I have observed over the years is to never underestimate the other guy.  I have known a number of heavier guys who were (some shockingly, to me) massively successful with women.  Some of these guys carried their weight like it made them an armored tank, and they had killer attitudes.  If you looked at them, you probably would think they were somewhat chunky, or fat, someone you would like to have as a linebacker on your football team but (without knowing them) probably would not be your first choice for a wingman. But you may be surprised.

I want to make this next comment without guys reading this and taking the wrong message from it.  I am definitely not endorsing attitude over bad hygiene, but this is an interesting tidbit and reflects how attitude trumps all.  Steve P and Hypnotica talked about a guy named Bullet who was described as short, ugly, bald, scrawny but with a killer attitude.  Apparently not too fond of showers, though. It seems someone smelled him and mentioned showering and his response was something to the effect of “Shower?  Last shower was about five women ago.”

And, as I think about it, I remembered a number of successes I had with women who either met or liked me at my dirtiest and smelliest.  For example, I had a girlfriend for a year and half a long time ago who really didn’t want me to shower.  That didn’t stop me from having good personal hygiene,but because I knew this I probably spread out the time between showers more than I would have otherwise.  Today I do what I want and that means being clean – I am only mentioning this as another example of how the opposite of almost everything someone will tell you can work as well.

Here’s another true story about how height doesn’t always make the difference you may think it does:

Scot McKay:

“For what it’s worth, I’m 5’6” and my wife Emily had never dated anyone under 6′ until she met me.

The truth is that women follow your lead, and if you don’t have a problem with yourself, neither will she.  In fact, she may adore you as the complete “perfectly imperfect” package you are.  Today, Emily would tell you that she wouldn’t want me to be 6’4″ even if it could magically happen.  I just wouldn’t be me anymore.

Honestly, the reason why many women say they want a taller guy isn’t because they need someone to get things off of the top shelf for them, but rather because they’re fed up with the overcompensating Napoleon Complex they’ve dealt with from most short guys.  It’s become a wholly unattractive stereotype.”

Keep in mind that most women seem to end up dating men who they want to fix something about.  Women love projects and if they think they can turn you into a better man, that’s a challenge for them and you see their getting involved with guys with issues happening a lot. Of course what seems to follow that is either (a) they end up with some guy who just won’t change (eg. won’t get or keep a steady job and lives off her) or (b) they fix the problem and then they are bored and end up breaking up with the guy.  The finally get him supposedly the way they want him and find out that what they thought they wanted didn’t satisfy them.

That’s it for this newsletter.  Keep in mind that if you link to any of the professionals who are quoted here and buy either products or live training from them, let both them and me know that you got to them from Cliff’s List and we will send you a free bonus product in addition to each item you buy.

Best,

Clifford


Clifford
Clifford

I have been fortunate enough to have been able to present a lot of great material in the cliff’s list newsletters and now on the website that have made a significant difference in many guy’s lives.

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