When I was traveling in Budapest, I had a discussion with my friend. We were talking about dating and he said that you should always pay on a first date. He went even further and stated that I as a man should pay all the time. Not only on a first date, but for the entire relationship. I should always pay for everything because I am a man and she is a woman. That’s an interesting debate.

My opinion at that time was you should always split the bill. Always, no questions asked. Period. Do I still share the same view? Well, yes and no. It depends. Sometimes I split the bill and sometimes I pay for everything, but when I pay for everything I expect the girl to pay the next time. I always try to pay 50%, either by splitting the bill or letting her pay the next time.

How to split the bill without looking cheap

Money should never be an issue, but never go on expensive dates. If you’re not rich then it could be an issue. That’s why I advocate for cheap dates. Even on cheap dates I always split the bill. So how do you do that on cheap dates without looking cheap? Being casual is key. Here’s my tactic:

My first date is usually to grab a drink. It’s very casual, cheap, low investment, less flakey and she should know it’s supposed to be a date. Here’s how I split the bill:

You both order a drink and the waitress comes with the bill and you tell your date, “I’ll pay for this round.” Or “This round is on me.” Or “First round is on me.” You get the picture. Act very casual like it’s the most normal thing in the world. Now she knows she has to pay for the second round or the next time you two go out. This is also an excellent way to filter out gold diggers. You will also show non-neediness and she invests her money in you. If she likes you then she’ll happily pay for you too. This simple trick is golden. It’s what I do all the time.

Sometimes I do pay everything or cook for her, but I only do that if I genuinely want to. Not because I want something from her. I also reward good behavior. If the sex was incredible then I’ll be more likely to surprise her.

    3 replies to "Should You Pay On A First Date?"

    • Clifford Clifford

      My personal approach to whether to pay or not for the date is the following. Firstly, I have learned from talking to women that a guy who doesn’t pay for the date will be (for some women) a complete deal breaker. It is critical to some women and it doesn’t necessarily mean they are golddiggers. What I do on a first date is that I will, when the bill comes, motion to pay it. If she says anything or gives any indications that could be needing some response, I will say that I am happy to pay for her – I might say how I know some women insist on paying or splitting the bill, but to me it’s a non-issue. If she wants to pay or split the bill, no problem. But always make it clear that you are willing to pay. You want to avoid this as being the reason she rules you out. At this stage you both don’t know each other and she can have all kinds of ideas of what your paying or not wanting to pay means and you just don’t want that to ruin the possibilities. As for the future, there should come a time in the next 1-2 times you see her where you just have a discussion and find out her views on this and from there you can decide whether or not you will keep seeing her and if you pay, split or let her pay half the time.

    • Viper

      I feel the man should pay… but not always. (1) Often the girl states that, “she has a great job” or makes good money. Or, (2) she runs up a good sized tab drinking and eating. Then, I will hold the tab and examine it carefully… AND, wait to see if she says anything about it. Then, I’ll decide on the quality of the entire meeting and if I think that she should contribute.

      Even if she has a killer job or lots of money, if I’m digging her, I want to make sure I want to dhv (demonstrate higher value) her, I’ll definitely pay. I’ll then try to get her to phase-shift to another venue to deepen her attraction. If she’s a dog, rude or undesirable… ask her to buck up.

      Also, for us older guys, sometimes she has made considerable concessions to get out on a date. Mainly, arranged for baby or kid sitters. So she’s contributed, in some part, before she’s even gone out.

      Bring on the HB8+’s!


    • […] we pay for her or not? There are different situations and different answers for different people, and […]

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