If you are familiar with my YouTube channel, you will have seen a recent video, with the same heading as this article. This is currently a very important, and in many cases misconstrued piece of advice.
What I do NOT want you to assume this is:
· Being disrespectful
· Playing games
· To ‘pick-her-up’
· Trying to be better than her, or assuming she is below you
· Killing her self esteem
What I DO want you to realize this is:
· Coming from Love (through your education and understanding of male/female dynamics)
· Allowing connection to form
· Charming her (as opposed to picking her up)
· Allowing sexual tension to build
· Increasing emotional feelings such as intrigue, mystery, confusion, laughter, arousal
· Not taking any of this too seriously
· Keeping it light…resulting in her feeling comfortable around you
· Being a NORMAL chilled dude who is not NEEDING sex
I adore women with every ounce of my being. I love femininity. So with that being said, it is my job as a man (and yours) to deliver what they truly desire from the masculine.
Let me explain.
The Everyday Pick-Up Norm
As you know, there are 2 schools of how to interact with and approach women.
Both, are techniques, and are structured ENTIRELY on the words you say.
In my opinion, it does not exist. You cannot ‘do’ indirect or direct. You BE indirect or direct in LIFE. Not just with women. It’s who you are. It’s why you are there. It’s what you feel you deserve.
With indirect, the technique states you interact with women under the radar, hiding your intent. Basically being a creepy, weak, friend-zone and sneaky salesman type, hoping to convince or trick her into liking you later, by being really ‘nice,’ fake and disingenuous with the intentions you show.
The Foundation of Indirect Technique: FEAR and being ashamed of your desires. Needing an excuse to talk to a woman you are sexually attracted to. Disconnected from sexual core.
This is currently the most popular in the ever evolving pick up industry right now.
Some standard ‘Direct openers’ currently being used to death:
– “Excuse me, I just saw you walk by, I think you are gorgeous and I had to come and meet you.”
-“Hey, I know this is really random, but can I say something a bit cheeky…I think you look really nice.”
-“Hi, you’re cute, I had to come and meet you.”
Excuse me while I sharpen this knife and cut my ears off!
Firstly…the above…is NOT BEING DIRECT. It’s taking verbal words that sound direct, and delivering them in most cases (from what I see) totally apologetically and overtly supplicating.
For some reason, men have been fooled into believing that all you need in order to have her rip her panties off and declare her undying love for you is to tell her she is cute.
“I told her she was cute and she still rejected me…bitch.”
Foundation of Direct Technique: The belief that complimenting a woman will make her like you and think you are super cool and confident.
Now in many cases, yes, the woman will light up after you tell her how amazingly pretty she is, and she will thank you and tell you how sweet/nice/brave you are…but guess what, that does not mean she is attracted to you. Women are not straightforward and their attraction works almost opposite to us men.
You will be the guy who she sees as confident and ballsy, but for reasons unbeknownst to herself, she is not interested or attracted to you.
From a logical point of view verbally stating your attraction for a girl right off the bat, basically communicates to her, ‘You already have me, here are my testicles.’ You have in NO way made a conscious effort to find out how she works as an individual and unique woman.
For so many men, including myself in the past, the ‘Direct Technique’ felt like a savior. I thought ‘finally, no longer do I have to try and come up with routines to keep talking and hiding my intentions. I can just run up and verbally spit them all over her and get them out of the way.’ Then the ball is in her court.
If you ask me, the ‘direct technique’ is paradoxically the pussy move. You are giving up your responsibility as a man. Your responsibility of charming her. Wooing her. Having her chase you (which is what she wants – I have a full article on this topic on my website blog)
Let’s get this straight, if a girl is attractive, she knows it! She has had it repeated to her and confirmed by hundreds, maybe even thousands of men who have approached her badly in the past. She has been aware of her prettiness since puberty most likely.
She has 2 types of guys hitting on her –
1. The nice guy creep who tries to sneak into her friend zone completely indirectly with splashed smiles and fluff talk…WHICH SHE IS AWARE OF (but may tolerate as she is a kind person)
2. The ‘Direct Douche,’ who is usually either the pick-up artist who comments on how magnificently beautiful she is (for the 32,567th time), and he just HAD to come and meet her. Or general drunk guys who have beer courage and force themselves to approach…badly. These guys generally get more results than the 1st, as they are at least verbally stating attraction and interest. When a woman goes out looking to get laid, this is the guy she will most likely leave with.
3. The man I will be speaking about (the charismatic, charming and seductive ‘Centered Man” – all too rare, which is why she leaves with number 2.)
That’s it. Like, really. Those are the 2. My female friends complain about these types the most. It’s daily.
If you are currently in one of those 2, be happy you are now aware. Trust me, I have been in both categories in different points of my life, and neither are actually fulfilling, until I reached 3 – The easiest of the lot.
So, with all that being defined in a clearer sense, let’s take a look at how your complimenting a woman straight off the bat may be seriously effecting your results.
You are going about your day, and you see her, tanned skin, long blonde curled hair, amazing body, beautiful walk, 10 out of 10. Seriously beautiful.
You walk over to her and stop her:
“Excuse me, You are really cute, I had to come and meet you”
What happens in this moment INSTANTLY = PICK-UP DYNAMIC!!
She feels it. You are there to pick her up. You have stated your immediate interest in her. As the second party involved, she is now in the position of feeling like she must INSTANTLY decide whether or not she likes you like you like her. Are you a suitable mate for her? Also adding in nervousness, being embarrassed or self conscious. Basic weirdness.
What does this create?…
Remember, men are attracted more to the physical aspects, whereas women are attracted more to the emotional aspects. How on earth is she supposed to be able to make an intelligent decision based on your eagerness? You have not even given her a chance to warm up to you before signing your half of the mortgage.
If you want to be successful with women consistently you must understand how they become attracted and aroused.
Men…a boner in 6 seconds, ready to fuck. A light switch!
Women…slow and gradual, like a volume knob.
This is VERY well known in the modern world, so even the structure which many dating companies teach is idiotic. The foundational information is already widely available through modern science. I digress…
When you approach a woman and put all this negative pressure on her immediately, she will want to run away quickly, even if she does or could like you. Why? because you didn’t allow the space for POSITIVE pressure to be generated (sexual tension).
The man puts pressure on the process craving an outcome = the woman feels this pressure = it’s negative and makes her put her guard up = she feels weird = must get away from it.
Same shit, different guy…
Complimenting a woman you don’t really know, in many cases does not nourish you or her. It’s unintelligent, generic, bland, boring, in no way creative, and most importantly, you are sharing no part of your personality with her, so why would she even stop to speak to you for even one second? You are offering nothing! I’m just being honest here. You telling her she looks cute today doesn’t mean she owes you something. What have you truly offered her? Nothing.
Women enjoy light, flirty, laid back and sexy interactions which seem random. You taking the process of meeting women seriously, to ANY level, is putting negative pressure on not only her…but on YOU!
You taking the outcome of an interaction or approach super-seriously says what?…that you NEED this. When you need something, you give off that vibe. It’s incredibly off-putting and uncomfortable to be around from a woman’s perspective. The seriousness places a mass of pressure on you, which is transferred to her, making the interactions very regimental, strict, uncreative, and in no way spontaneous.
You complimenting a girl will have ZERO influence on the outcome of your interaction. Whether you sleep together or not…it has NO influence. Well, actually it does, in the negative sense, which is the point of this article.
The women I approach, date, seduce, charm, sleep with – I have not complimented them on their physical beauty as a way of getting them. I do not compliment the women in my life, as it would be idiotic to do so. She KNOWS how amazingly sexy I find her…my erection, appreciation and presence I give her says enough. But I am NEVER sold on her. Ever. She knows this.
I do show my appreciation for her core values which I like and desire. The personality and qualities she shows me.
The only time I really compliment her physically is if I feel she needs it, or she is having a rough body-image day. I am there to make her feel as feminine and beautiful as I see her.
I used to verbalize all my over the top appreciation and affection for how stunningly gorgeous and beautiful she is to me, all the time. Like every second. It pushed MANY girls away from me, until I understood that it’s better to not say it, and instead simply feel it, and express that with a sensual loving touch.
If you tell her she has beautiful eyes 10 times a day for 2 weeks, the compliment will have zero impact on her emotionally and she will most likely be rolling her eyes pretty soon and huffing in frustration.
But, if after being with her for 2 weeks without complimenting her, you suddenly come out with “your eyes…they’re stunning”…that will hit…HARD!
Times you may have to compliment physically are the first time she removes her clothes to have sex with you. Mostly all women are body conscious to some degree, and you expressing your positive opinion on how her body looks so amazing is very effective for allowing her to become more comfortable with you.
So…I hear you ask…if I do not compliment her….then what do I do?
Charming her: Firstly, I must state that I take the process of meeting girls in an incredibly laid back light. I take NONE of it very seriously. To do so, would be silly and counter-productive, creating negative pressure. Plus with all that self pressure, importance and expectation, I reckon I’d have severe approach anxiety.
Approaching a woman is nothing. I’m not taking it seriously. I have no value placed on any outcome. I’m simply walking over to be sexually playful and flirtatious in a light way. Her reaction does not matter, as I am usually saying stuff that amuses me with or without her there.
Do not confuse this for being playful like a clown. Instead, it’s bored and cheeky. That is the vibe I have with or without women.
I have a very random and weird personality. Sarcastic. So that’s how I behave…because to try and be anything else, or a mister super cool and smooth would be putting lots of pressure on.
I see a BEAUTIFUL girl walking down the street. Knee high boots, a firm round ass squeezed into her blue jeans and a tightly fitted white tank top. Spanish. Gorgeous…and she knows it…because guys like you tell her all day every day.
Complimenting her is literally the most unoriginal and ineffective thing I could do. It has zero effectiveness. All it demonstrates is my lack of creativity and how I am not to be even considered as I am one of the herd.
I do not need to worry about whether I am being direct or indirect. I am direct in my life. I know who I am, what I want, and I KNOW why I am going over to her…I’m attracted to her, so now I must go and charm her.
So therefore…I am direct. What I say is irrelevant.
I walk towards her, jog up alongside her, and deliver the words “excuse me” in a laid back way. Making eye contact, I stay silent until she stops and acknowledges my existence…
“Hello….eh…I have a very serious question for you (said with a blank face)….does my ass look sexy in these jeans?”
She laughs, or gets weirded out…but in my experience…she laughs, is comfortable.
SHE KNOWS WHY I AM THERE!
I am being sexually flirtatious, and my non-verbals are telling her everything regardless.
SHE KNOWS I FIND HER ATTRACTIVE! Why else would I be speaking to her.
If at any moment I feel she may be confused, I let her know, I am blatantly hitting on her.
The main thing is, I am demonstrating the fact that I am not really trying at all to get her (not as a technique, I genuinely place no importance on it).
Girls DETEST guys who try really hard to impress them. They know he is not being his natural chill self, which is what they are actually attracted to.
By the way, please do not use the above as a canned line. These are all spur of the moment thoughts that are created on the spot. I want you to allow your creative and playful side to come out. Become observant towards the world and see the playfulness and humour in everything. We are all dying regardless of how unhappy we keep ourselves. That’s hilarious in itself.
You can open her based on ANYTHING. Who cares? But try to make it playful and flirty as it will set the tone immediately.
There is no pressure. SHE KNOWS WHY YOU ARE THERE!
Be observant. You can refer to your environment, something she is wearing, how she might be feeling. ANYTHING. Who cares? *tip – deliver your playfulness with a blank face. It creates polarization which generates sexual tension and arousal.
Interacting with women this way is very easy for them to be with you as you are not delivering negative pressure to them, which will allow you to have a normal, light conversation, get to know her, while applying all the principles of sexual tension which I teach.
THIS is how my seductive success is so consistent.
I hear it so many times from the women I sleep with, because I ask them. “Why did you sleep with me so quickly opposed to other guys, what was it about me?”
The answer is always similar to “I don’t know really. I mean I wanted to, and you just made it really easy and comfortable for me to do it.”
There is NO pressure on you. Stop taking the process of talking to girls so seriously. Have fun and express yourself and your masculinity.
If you can’t…then one of my coaching packages will get you there!