I put together a whole bunch of one-liner text messages to spark attention from the get go.
It gets boring for a girl if you always text her something like:
“hey wats up”
“wat you up to”
Text messaging is very important these days, so it’s time to get good at it ! That’s what I am trying to do.
All these text messages were taken from a bunch of places, so don’t credit me for them. I just put this list together because it makes life so much simpler.
- I couldn’t help noticing that you’re mind-blowingly hot.
- I suggest we drink before we go out drinking.
- Hey, wanted to touch base in case you get rich.
- Let’s party like rock stars that only play video games !
- If you ever disappeared while hiking, I’d remain with the search party until it started raining.
- If you showed up on a free porn site I would definitely click through.
- Thought you should know I totally blasted my pecs today.
- My plan is to travel the world in a Panda suit.
- I’ve been telling my mom about you, and she said I should call.
- We’re total fucking bad asses.
- Let’s have a frank discussion about our favorite sexual positions.
- I’ve put more thought into my [Halloween] costume than into my career.
- This is the one holiday where our full-blown alcoholism could possibly go undetected.
- I can’t believe how much I’m not sick of you.
- (If they can’t do something) Your busy day is interfering with my slacking off.
- (In response to what I’m doing) I’m practicing the shocker. (Go with the flow after this).
- I’m concerned your hotness may eventually make me insecure.
- Someday I want to adopt an Asian baby with you.
- Big dinners make me drowsy, so let’s do the sex part first.
- I’d appreciate it if you started treating me like a sex object.
- Let’s go to a crowded party or bar to socialize exclusively with ourselves.
- Please make yourself available to talk when I have nothing to do while driving.
- I’d take you to coffee but your Starbucks drink order embarrasses me.
- Let’s invite ugly friends out tonight to highlight our hotness.
- I’m too horny to be in public.
- Let’s pretend to get together soon !
- I really can’t say enough good things about your blowjobs.
- Fucking you really turns me on.
- Sometimes I get sad about how uncool you’ve become.
- Someday we should go into rehab together.
- I’m ready to change my Facebook relationship status if you are.
- I caught you staring at my package.
- I love it when you tell a story 368 times.
- I insist that everyone start calling me by my porn name.
- If I ever run for president, my association with you is going to haunt me.
- Just an FYI that my Facebook friend tally has recently skyrocketed.
- Just wanted you to know that I’m new to the neighborhood and am required by law to tell you that.
- Really great meeting you, but I’m currently not in the market for new friends.
- I’d like your permission to slightly exaggerate our friendship.
- Just saying hi and wondering if the morning-after pill worked.
- Let me know when you’re available so I can make sure I’m busy.
- Welcome back if you were on vacation.
- When you’re with me, your beverages are roofie-free.
- Your username is making me hesitant to flirt with you.
- I want you to uproot your life and move to my hometown so we can casually date.
- I’ve almost figured out our relationship.
- I’m glad you recognize how terrible your life is without me.
- I bet my weekend can kick your weekend’s ass.
- I’d bang you if you weren’t such a nice girl …
- Ha-ha, I’ve got you by the balls now !
- I hope you’re smiling.
- What sort of trouble are you causing ?
- Guess what ! (If lame response) Bad girl. I said guess. Try again.
- Thinking of you (and taking cold showers).
- You’re boring. Better start being entertaining before I leave you. ;P
- I just don’t think we should do this anymore … sometimes you make me feel like I am just a piece of meat.
- Let’s fly to Las Vegas, get married, argue about our third kid’s name, develop a gambling problem, divorce, and grow old lonely and depressed
- Hey ! I really miss you and want to see you badly but this dumbass security guard won’t let me into the zoo. Can you escape ?
- Hey you cheeky-slag, orgy starts at 8:00, but be there early so I can get you while you’re still fresh … fine, well can I at least get seconds ?
- Today is Holy Shit You’re Hot Day, send this to someone you know who is hot … just not to me, I’ve been getting this fucking text all day ;p
- Exciting, you are going to make a great soccer mom some day ! I will keep an eye out for used mini vans and do some research on anti-depressants for you !
- Hey, I was just thinking about you, wish you were here (so you could cook me something and do my dishes / so you could fetch me a drink and give me a foot massage / so you could clean my house and do my laundry).
- So bottom line, you kinda impressed me tonight … and I don’t get impressed very often. Keep up the good work 😉
- Yeah it’s big … sorry, wrong [girl’s name].
- I forgot, are we fighting ? And most importantly, am I winning ?
- One hundred percent of homosexuals check their text messages with their thumb. Too late to switch fingers now !
- Stop thinking about me !
- I think of you every time I browse my phone on the toilet.
- You’re only as old as you feel while getting wildly fucked.
- It’s been too long since we threw up on each other.
- Let’s confirm that we’re getting pants-shitting drunk tonight.
- Wanting to make gentle yet impassioned love to [Tom Brady] doesn’t make you gay.
- If I was your co-worker I’d sexually harass you.
- If we were in prison together I’d totally help you not get raped.
- Don’t forget that blowjobs are like flowers for men.
- OMG, Becky, look at her butt !
- You’re going to be a great MILF.
- Let’s do the whitest thing imaginable.
- Surprise !
- Knock knock …
- How’s my favorite little brat doing ?
- Ciao bella ! / Mi amore ! / Ma cherie amour !
- I just made you open your phone for no reason … looks like I got you in check =]
- What sort of trouble are you causing ?
- I am luring women to my house with candy … do you prefer Skittles or M&Ms ? (My Addition: Bring preferred candy to next meeting. Funny. Also, after reading posts they always pick Skittles … I’m going to actually try and bring a fun pack of Skittles when I’m out and use this as a funny opener. If they say Skittles, I’ll take out the pack, pop one in my mouth and say, “Want a Skittle ?”)
- I know my math … u + i = 69
- Girls are gross …
- I hope you are smiling. If not, just think of me !
- Aliens are coming to abduct all the sexy people off the planet and force them to breed. You should be safe, I just wanted to text to say goodbye.
- Out of all the (first name) (last name)s I know … I think you’re my favorite.
- You just popped into my head, so hi … now please stay out of there
- Hey I hope you got home safe [name].
- I don’t know who your boyfriend is … but he’s not spanking you enough !
- I don’t think you’re ready for this jelly.
- Awww, you’re so sweet. You’re making me get diabetes.
- I was thinking of you …
- Something about you seems to always make me smile.
- Feel better so I can guiltlessly / mercilessly make fun of you again.
- I’m glad you recognize how bad your life would be without me.
- (On the stress of relationships) Life would be easier if we were gay.
- If you really loved me you would say it on my Facebook Wall.
- (After waiting a while when they message) I just finished balancing my chi, what are you up to ?
- I get it … you’re just a simple woman who wants her salad tossed.
- I couldn’t get through [day of the week]s without knowing you’re equally miserable.
- I’d like to offer moral support, but I have questionable morals.
- It’s never too early to start a mid-life crisis.
- Do something special for yourself and then feel guilty about it.
- (Bowling, etc.) Sure … I genuinely enjoy any activity in which you bend over.
- And here are some two liners:
HB: Why ?
You: I was just thinking of you. Congratulations =)
You: Hey I’ve been thinking … ..want to rob a bank with me ?
HB: Haha, what ? (Or something of the sort, most girls will play along.)
You: Seriously, I need a partner. Are you driving or are you shooting ?
HB: Blah blah.
You: Oh, a badass huh ?
You: Who is this ?
HB: [Girl’s name]
You: I know … I’m just being an ass.
You: Let’s go to Vegas and get married right now. You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met. (Then follow up with) Oh my bad … wrong person ! / Sorry wrong number !
You: So are you in love with me yet ?
You: Wow, you’re lasting longer than I thought / Give it 15 minutes …
You: Don’t worry, you’re still my favorite girl. (Wait a couple minutes). Or at least in the top 5.
HB: What are you up to tonight ?
You: Tonight’s my weekly melted Haagen-Dazs bath.
HB: Who’s this ?
You: Prince Charming, duh.
- So I felt you should know the Snapple fact of the day: your eye expands up to 45% when looking at something pleasing. Now I know why you are all bug eyed when I’m around !
- Those innocent eyes, those juicy lips, a great smile, that awesome bod, so hot ! But enough about me, what are you up to ? (Love this one.)
- I know you’re thinking about me. So I thought I would say hi !
- Looking forward to seeing you. You’re like the bratty little sister I’ve always wanted.
- Fun times ! I guess it’s safe to introduce you to my friends !
- Had a great time ! Even if you’re a little dorky …
- Ewww stop thinking about me, I can feel your thoughts all over me … pervert !
You: I heard what you said about me !
HB: I’m confused.
You: You told your friends that you just wanted to bang my brains out and use me for sex … tsk tsk … I thought you were different.
You: Snapple Fact: A one-minute kiss burns 26 calories.
HB: Oh wow, really ?
You: Yeah, so if you ever need some help working out, I’ve been told I’m a great spot.
“I’m having the worst day … I’ve already lost 4 retards. I lost 2 at Chuck-E-Cheese … one at Wal-Mart … where the hell are you ! ?”
“I was tipsy last night and gave a homeless guy $20 because he had a sign that said “Need money for liquor, I have a date.” When is the last time you contributed to society ?”
“I heard on the news someone checked into the pysch ward wearing only a thong and riding a goat. I’ll come and get you … but this shit has to stop !”
“Cooking bacon naked is a bad idea.”
“Hey, the cops are looking for a sexy person and a retard … they already got me, but you still have time ! Now grab your crayons and hockey helmet and get the fuck out !”