I got into the seduction community because I wanted to have more success with women. I believe most guys who are here (and that includes you reading this) want to improve their romantic situations, but each of you have your own challenges and I want to look into what those issues are and what options there are out there to try and correct or improve things.
The problems often seem insurmountable. I’ve heard coaches refer to some students as “really not meant to reproduce” which puts quite an image in your mind. And while some issues can turn out to be easily solved, for many their problems are very gnarly and just don’t seem to change no matter what they do. I’ll be looking at that as well in this series.
Probably the first issue that everyone confronts is looks. Whether you have the looks or not, the wisdom is that supposedly women aren’t like men and do not only judge a man by his looks. While this CAN be true, I think most of us who don’t look like Brad Pitt have had this kind of personal experience
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My good friend Hayley Quinn coaches guys and has this to say about looks:
“Worried about being judged on your appearance? Then we need to begin by re-wiring your brain to think about attraction differently. There’s a good reason why women don’t head down to strip clubs filled with muscle bound Ryan Gosling lookalikes: you need to understand that for women attraction is a process. It’s a reaction to the stimulus you give them over a period of time. So if you think it’s all over within the first 5 seconds because you’re not hot enough you’re not making the most of your ability to connect with amazing women.
“So here’s some mindsets to re-wire you that I use during my coaching process:
1. Women are attracted to a wide range of characteristics and behaviours (different ones actually at different intervals during the ‘courtship’ process) so if you give up at 5 seconds she’s never going to know how awesome you are
2. So your job is to communicate to her why you’re awesome.. and if you don’t know why you’re great you need to grab either a more fulfilling life OR some self esteem NOT plastic surgery
3. To be great with women you have to understand them. If you think looks are the be all and end all you don’t get women. Understanding and mental connection is a far stronger trigger for her to feel really into you than a bicep.
4. If you’re also looking just skin deep think again. Of course you have to find the woman you’re with sexy but she won’t be into you if that’s your only requirement. Look to understand her, to know her, to make her smile and you’re much more likely to get the same treatment in return.”
While what Hayley says is absolutely true (although there are women strip clubs that are very popular), it’s been my experience that a lot of guys get turned down in person as quickly as they themselves swipe “No” on Tinder. None of us wants to admit we’re the male version of one of those women that we reject on Tinder with a quick swipe and no second thought. Personally, I’ve given “up at 5 seconds” because it happens that I’ve barely opened my mouth and she’s already looking around to see who else is at the party or the bar or has politely excused herself after the intro. And, of course, most of us don’t want to be intrusive or pushy (although that is a strategy some guys use) it’s one thing to want to “communicate to her why you’re awesome” but quite another if you can’t get her attention long enough to say anything. If that’s the case, the two opportunities you have to make a good impression and hold her attention aren’t working – your looks weren’t enough and your personality wasn’t strong enough – both can be really challenging to correct.
There are different approaches to making changes.
One of the best pickup coaches there is, Brad P., (who has an awesome product out that you can learn about here)
who told me the following:”When I see a student who has natural disadvantages, I try to break the cycle. By the cycle I mean Poor results —> tentative game—-> poor results—-> etc.
“I break the cycle by having the student take on dominant characteristics one by one, even if it feels uncomfortable.
-fashion – redo it to look more dominant
-body language – change it to be more dominant
-words – tell the student exactly what to say to be more dominant
“By trying on these new behaviors the student can see new reactions from women and start to improve. Good game trumps bad looks every time. So it’s just a matter of changing the student’s behaviors. (Caution – this is the fastest way to learn, and the quickest way to get laid, but it’s also pretty uncomfortable. You will be outside your comfort zone all the time. This is good. Staying In the comfort zone gets you nowhere.)”
Getting out of your comfort zone applies to almost everything when it comes to meeting women.
Improving your looks extends to how you feel about yourself, not only about how a woman will see you.
My great friend and an awesome coach, Payton Kane, is not only a dating and pick up coach, but a personal style consultant. You may want to check out his Las Vegas seminars and don’t forget to tell him that Cliff’s List sent you!
“Most guys that come see me, whether good looking or not, have a very low self image of themselves. They mostly attribute their success to women to the fact that they don’t ‘look good’ or ‘look right’. Some of these guys are actually great looking guys but they feel like women don’t find them attractive. When I started out, back in Cancun in the 90’s, my first client was super rich but had no idea how to dress or present himself. He thought wearing expensive suits is what women were attracted too. He too was a good looking guy but he didn’t feel like he was. I gave him a Makeover that, in itself, completely changed his self image leading to his success with women. This is why I make each and every client get a “Player Makeover.’ It’s a makeover that will first and foremost make them look more attractive to women and much more importantly, help them feel good about themselves, giving them more confidence and self worth. Because it really is true Cliffy… when you look good, you FEEL good and that, my friend, is the secret to success!
“If I can take the ugliest guy in the world and make him believe that he’s the best looking guy in the world… my job is done! Because any way you slice it… it ALL comes down to CONFIDENCE! Confidence is not only the key to succeeding with women but it’s also the secret to succeeding in life! If you believe it, you can do it and you will do it! If you don’t, you will fail. Plain and simple. I think this is exactly what the book ‘The Secret’ was trying to say. Successful people have known this for years… You need to believe in yourself to be successful in anything you try to accomplish!”
This is just the first installment of this Special Cliff’s List series on the different approaches to the challenges guys face in becoming more successful with women. I’ll be dealing with everything – including, but not limited to, lack of money, being overweight, too short, too tall, too fat, too quiet, no confidence, too ugly, too good looking, no personality, bad hygiene, no sense of humour… man, you guys got problems!
Till next time,