I am awesome with women… only because I am MORE awesome with rejection.
Stop trying to get good with women, and first become awesome at interacting with your perceived relationship towards rejection. This will strip your cemented identity, and allow you to more comfortably express your authentic relaxed self…which is already incredibly attractive.
THEN, combine that with understanding via proper mentorship/coaching, and watch your entire life with women change.
Ultimately, these are the most important doors to open together. From here, the rest of your life will change.
Be the guy with nothing to lose, who really couldn’t care less about a girl telling him “I’m not interested”…of course…it’s to be expected…I mean look at you.
OR you can try and create this awesome high school Jock-type identity where you are the “prize,” and watch your world and emotions crumble when a girl doesn’t show you interest. This will manifest in either sadness, or passive aggressive-type anger in the form of “fuck that stupid bitch, her loss.” Neither is healthy.
The reason you should deal with this crashing of your identity NOW rather than later is because, guess what? No matter how many books you read, or gurus you get coaching from…it NEVER goes away. You do not learn to avoid it, instead you learn to experience it head on, and deal with it in a HEALTHY way.
Allowing you to transcend it.
As long as you are alive on this planet…you will feel moments of uncomfortableness…embarrassment…and awkwardness. No matter who you are or who think you want to be…these feelings will ALWAYS be just around the corner, so…you would be silly not to make peace with them as soon as possible.
How do you do this? By understanding that whatever the outcome or reaction towards you…it does not define you.
Get ok with sitting in “nasty” feelings repeatedly. They also diminish and level off very quickly as they are never as bad as your mind scares you into thinking.
Similar to meditation practice, it is not something you ever get perfect at. There is never a moment that you reach the perfect 20 minutes of enlightenment as you sit down.
I have meditated for 11 years daily…and I still feel the things a beginner feels, except my way of interacting with it is COMPLETELY different because, through constant healthy application and interaction, I have learned to either control and release negative feelings, OR, my opinion and relationship towards them has become detached and much less reactive.
Give yourself permission to SUCK!
Be ok with succeeding in a threesome filled with Victoria Secret models, and be ok with having a girl calling you a loser; laughing at you in front of her friends.
I have been, and will continue to be labeled as both of those things for the rest of my days, along with MANY more contrasting labels.
When you put yourself out there unapologetically, it will happen. Even if you do nothing, you will still be labeled as something, so you may as well have fun while it’s happening.
The important thing to understand is, I am neither of those things. I am none of those things. I am just me.
You are none of those things. You are just you.
People’s lives are controlled by the labels they place upon themselves, and the labels which other people place on them. When you become indifferent to the boxes you are put in, you are free to do and be whatever you want.
If you spend your time doing everything in your power to not be the nerdy loser, or the creepy guy, then you will never come out of your shell, and your restrictedness will basically creep girls the fuck out. Quite the paradox.
In order to be truly amazing, happy, and proficient in the areas of your life you want to be…you MUST experience both sides, and realize that neither actually defines you.
You can be something different in every moment of your life, or you can just be you, as you are, right now, reading this article. Who are you when you strip all the external labeling and job titles away? You probably don’t even know, because I sure don’t.
What does this realization grant you?
Complete fucking freedom!
Am I asking you to go out every day and get rejected by 200 girls? No.
But is that better than sitting in front of your laptop reading PUA books. Yes…ANYTHING is better than that!
It gets annoying that I must explain to students on a daily basis that I did not just get “awesome” with girls all of a sudden. You walk up to a girl and ask her name…she tells you to fuck off. Well…I could also walk up to that same girl…and get the exact same response. I guess she did not receive the memo, about me being a super cool dating coach!
Does that make me a shitty loser?
Only if I create that opinion based on her reaction!
However, if I take it for what it is, which is a unique individual responding towards me in a way which I have zero control over, then I give myself permission to let it be as it is…nothing. Nada. Zilch.
It means nothing…but the action, of you taking action, means EVERYTHING in carving out the type of man you are.
Every time you take a risk, you remind yourself how you interact with life. From this comes freedom, and success on your terms.
This is what triggers me to unapologetically say hello to the next girl…who just so happens to be my next girlfriend, and life long friend. If I had allowed myself to take on the identity of a loser, I would not have spoke to that cute girl, and my life, well, it would never really have reached its potential.
I will never forget, about 1 year ago, I was in a new city and spent over a week having nothing but flakes, or last minute date cancellations. Why? Because that’s life!
I get incredibly consistent results, pretty much wherever I go. I have success on my terms, but in that week or so, it was hilarious to me, and I really enjoyed sitting in all the over analytical thinking that my monkey minded-ego would still spit at me, even after all these years. I detached and saw it for what it really was.
Practically speaking, there was nothing more I could have done within the interactions and dynamics…shit simply happened.
If I clung to those reactions and blamed myself…that’s where many newbies drown quick, lock up, and refuse to take any more risks, stunting growth instantaneously.
You must embrace it! Or it will beat you to a bloody depressed pulp of low-self esteem.
Is being successful with women a numbers game? Sure, I guess. In the same way that shooting a free throw in a basketball game is….
BUT…with CORRECT understanding of the process, and a healthy relationship towards the baskets you miss, you can refine those numbers in a profoundly large way, allowing you to make the majority of the shots.
This is a lifelong journey that never stops. You never finish. You are never done, until the day you stop breathing.
When you take your foot off the gas and stop trying to get “perfect” results as soon as possible…you can relax into it, and you will see that the results lie in the journey.
Slow down and enjoy the moments you are creating and experiencing, instead of quickly moving onto the next shot, to seek your validation, which is only to cover the cracks of a desperate “cool guy” image.
I give you full permission to suck! Heck…I give myself full permission to suck.
How else am I going to walk over to the girl next to me in this café and hit on her like a creepy creep :-p
Go crash and burn.