It’s Friday night. You’re standing at the bar with your friend, patiently waiting to get drinks. It’s taking a while…

Do I wave this guy down or just trust that he sees me standing here?

10 minutes go by. Some girls at the bar who walked up after you did… are getting served before you.

What the fuck…?

They pretend like you aren’t there. Eventually you get served. You leave a really good tip because you heard that tipping well gets you better service. The bartender snatches the money up without even looking to see who it came from.

You and your friend stand there facing each other, clutching your drinks, scanning the room and waiting for something fun to happen.

Shit… we’re not doing anything.

You start walking around the room together, trying to smile and look like you’re going somewhere fun, scanning the faces around you for girls who look approachable.

You walk by a group of girls…

Nah, we can do better…

You walk by the next group…

Say something, say something… Uhhhh… SHIT… Why is my mind completely blank? I was talking so much before we got here… Ok ok… I got the next one, for sure…

You walk by the next group…

Come on man! Say something! Shit, they just gave me a dirty look, they hate me… You know what… I just need to regroup, I’m not in the zone right now.

You wind up standing on the opposite side of the room, facing each other and clutching your drinks, scanning the room and waiting for something fun to happen.

This is not fun…


Sound familiar? Next time you go to the bar, here are 5 mistakes to avoid that can completely ruin your night and make approaching girls feel like pulling teeth.

  1. Looking around too much.This is a classic signal that a guy is “on the prowl.” Looking around too much communicates that you are needy, because you are more interested in checking out girls than having fun with the people you came with. People perceive that as shifty and creepy. Instead, imagine you have tunnel vision. Only focus on interacting with the people you came with, and talking to anyone close to you. Instead of walking around looking for girls, you will stay where you are and naturally draw them to you. It keeps you in the zone, having fun and generating a positive vibe around you and your friends.
  1. Looking down too much. This is what people do when they get emotional. If you’ve ever had a girl look you in the eyes and then look down, you know how cute that can be. Sorry to tell you, but it’s not cute when guys do it. It’s submissive. It makes you look scared and unsure of yourself. Instead, keep your head level and focus on making eye contact with everyone. If a girl makes eye contact with you, do not break it, especially downward. Smile and start talking to her.
  1. Hesitating too long. If you want to talk to girls, go talk to girls. Don’t over-think it or make it into a big deal. It’s not complicated. Waiting too long just causes excuses to form in your mind and make you nervous. “I don’t have anything good to say,” “they look like bitches anyways,” “I need to get a drink first…” Instead of hesitating… waiting forever to get drinks, finding a spot to stand, observing the room… just walk right in and start talking to the first group of girls you see. The bar isn’t going anywhere.
  1. Buying into the negative bar mentality. Bars and clubs can be intimidating environments. The prevailing attitude, as a regular guy, is that you are worthless in here and hot girls are way more important than you. They get served before you, they don’t pay for drinks, they don’t wait in line… If you’d like to make up for how worthless you are, pay a lot of money to get in and buy drinks for these perfect angelic girls that you don’t deserve. Obviously that’s a bunch of crap, but it can feel that way sometimes. Instead of buying into that, change your mentality to a much happier one: there just might be a lot of interesting, fun people in here, not to mention a whole lot of cute girls who really want to meet me. I wonder what kind of crazy adventure we’ll get into tonight?
  1. Trying to be cool instead of trying to be fun. A lot of people live their life in fear of being judged. They are always trying to fit in and be “cool.” Ironically… if you’re trying to be cool, are you cool? No! The people who are cool are the ones who don’t care about being cool. Instead of focusing on what other people think of you, focus on having fun and genuinely laughing. For example, recently a girl made fun of me at a bar for drinking a beer with fruit in it. She said “I’m going to have to revoke your man card for drinking that.” I laughed and said, “I’ll be keeping my man card, and please try not be jealous of how much better my beer tastes.” Ten minutes later she ordered a round of the same fruity beers and introduced me to all of her friends.

Next time you go out to the bars, keep these tips in mind and you’ll have a night to remember!

Conor Boyland
Conor Boyland

Conor Boyland is an executive coach at The Tao of Badass.

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