Smooth (President, The Toronto Lair – TOPs):
I have been spending a fair bit of time in the Toronto Lair explaining to all the PUAs my theory called The Monkey Swing. The following is a graphically worded, no-holds-barred analysis of hot chicks, and although the language I choose is not my normal mode of communication, it is vital to understanding the theory and learning the lesson. Consider yourself duly warned.
The name is derived from the typical behavior of women who go from guy to guy throughout their life, taking little or no time off for reflection, personal growth, etc. It is said, “they swing from branch to branch never letting go of one branch before they have a firm grasp on the next.”
The purpose of this post is not to suggest a method for banging a new hot chick every weekend, but rather, how an average guy can get a stellar HB for a girlfriend in an LTR. The magic as you ultimately see is in the “duration and quality,” and with patience you will see this can work for everyone !
It is also hyper important to note that this relates to the HB selecting her next LTR ! Not a stud she pulls from a bar for a one night stand. This is very important, and her choice is made quite differently.
As well, the other point is that you will see the position you may obtain may not be that attractive to you in the long run. This is where the true gold lies in the theory. You can and will see how to perpetuate the quality and eject and replace if necessary when you can no longer maintain your hold or power over her. You will truly beat her at her own game, and could literally spend the rest of your life “swinging” from branch to branch with an HB10 on every one.
But it takes an element few of us are prepared for: time.
Another key point about this theory is that hot women can literally have their pick of just about any guy. If an HB10 walked into a room full of 100 guys and said, “I really need someone to fuck me right now,” than most if not all guys would readily agree. Further, if after she rocked your world, she turned out not to be psycho or defective and said, “Wow, what a great lay you are, can you fuck me twice a week for the next year ?” what do you think most guys would do ?
As well, I have seen many posts during my time in the community about “The Boyfriend Destroyer Pattern.” You will need to learn these routines for later use in the later stages of this strategy. I have used these techniques many times, and even when you don’t leave with them or close them in any way, you always have a blast and laugh your ass off at the way she falls for the pattern and plays into it. I have never once had a chick see through the pattern and realize she was being played.
Buried in the pattern and her response is the key element which provides the power behind the monkey swing. Many people have explained why women say “I have a boyfriend,” and to some degree they are 100% accurate. She uses it to qualify, eliminate, and otherwise keep the men at bay. She is bombarded with attempts, PUs, offers, and suggestions every day. She has limitless choices of men and often enjoys the attention.
The real element in why she says she has a boyfriend isn’t these reasons, but rather the “reason she has a boyfriend in the first place.” Based on my completely unscientific study of hotties and supremely fuckable women, I have found that most of them have two things in common. The first is they actually do have a boyfriend, and second they love male attention and all the ego boost they get from their attention whoring. The boyfriend is categorized by HJMB (He’s Just My Boyfriend).
So, in the final analysis, my theory is as follows …
Most hot girls have a boyfriend for one reason and one reason only. They keep all the other cocks out of her pussy. How else can she protect the gold without some form of security ? The trade off is usually very simple. The boyfriend gets to fuck her and is usually (ultimately) treated like shit in the LTR. The “male friends” don’t get to fuck her and are treated like gold. She flirts with them, talks nicely, jokes around, hangs out and does not stress them at all. They all think they’re “gonna get to fuck her,” but they aren’t because she already has a dick in her every night from her boyfriend. So you have one of two choices: get treated like shit and fuck her, or be treated like gold and jerk off !
I believe this is one of the key reasons for a question we all ask ourselves everyday as we walk down the street. “How the fuck did that dweeb get a chick like that ?” It’s easy. She picked him to fuck (and control) and keep the dicks out of her while she flirts and attention whores her way through life. She needs both and will always have both as long as she is hot.
Continuing along this line of thought, then … for a hot chick, or even for any chick who is kinda hot, her choice in selecting a guy is not how, if, when or why, but who. She can walk out her front door and in five minutes select a guy, and like I said earlier, say “Hey wanna fuck me for a year ?” and he will likely say “When do I start ?” LOL
Now how do these hot chicks “process” their boyfriends ?
Easy, they run them through a repeated and predictable pattern. For simplicity I break it down into three phases. These are the “hot and heavy,” “tried and true,” “complacent and contempt” phases.
Our male reactions to these phases are also highly predictable. I call these, in the same order: “died and went to heaven,” “fat and happy,” and “obsessive compulsive.” See the following graph which shows the three phases and her relative “interest level and commitment and quality of sex” to her current LTR.
[H & H] [T & T] [C & C]
[D in H] [F & H] [OCD]
(Great Sex) (Good Sex) (Bad Sex)
So what do these phases mean ?
The “Hot and Heavy” phase is the beginning part of the relationship, where everything is fresh and she basically “rocks your world.” She offers and demands hot sex from you, shows up at your work with just her coat on and fucks you on your desk, suggests you fly to Miami so you can both join the Mile High Club together, etc. We have all been there.
Those days and times we often look back upon with our LTR and think, “Why can’t the sex and everything else be like it was back in the beginning ?” This phase is impenetrable. She is just as immersed in you as you are in her, and even beginning to think you could break in is not realistic. She is madly in love-lust with the guy and vice versa. She isn’t really even flirting or attention whoring at this time, because her senses are all taken up by her new boyfriend.
Sadly, you can not expect this to last forever, but the next phase can be equally enjoyable, less stressful and time consuming, and actually more rewarding.
This second phase is the “Tried and True” phase, and is the optimal zone, and ultimately I will talk about how to keep her in this zone as long as possible. This is when you are a “solid couple.” You have both actually gone back to going to work instead of calling in sick to fuck all day. You are enjoying each other’s company and time for much more than sex, and quite “at peace” with the fact that you have a really quality piece of ass on your arm who fucks you regularly and is fun to hang out with and entertain, vacation with, etc. She speaks positively about you and isn’t thinking about replacing you … yet ! This is where your work will begin.
However, this is when she begins to enjoy the flirtatious approaches of the men who hit on her everyday. She has found a “balance” where she can start enjoying the advances of other men and feels karmically pure because she “already has a dick in her.” These are just her “male friends” whom she “gets along with better than women” and yet will not entertain cheating with you. Of course, some rare seducers might break through her walls and seduce her for a ONS, but she is settled, happy, and content, and even proud of her solid boyfriend.
I can hear her saying now to most guys who try to work her … “OMG you are so funny. I love spending time with you. OMG look at the time ! My BF will be here to pick me up in a few minutes and take me home to fuck me like he does every night. You are so sweet. See you tomorrow.”
The final stage is a pure and total living fucking nightmare of epic proportions for most guys. It starts with that nagging feeling that something is “different.” She is just not the same anymore. You still like to bang her, but you can tell she is just not as into you anymore and at times is just “lying there” or “doing her part” because she is your “girlfriend.”
This is when most guys turn into an obsessive compulsive nightmare to them. You feel them slipping away and begin trying every trick in the book to get things back to your comfort zone you so cherished not that long ago. Nothing seems to work, and no matter how hard you try, she slips away. This is why most chicks can tell you about a guy they had to “get a restraining order on.”
Basically, the truth is that once she slips over the edge and into phase three, you are lost. The pain comes from how long it takes you to realize it, or for her to finally dump your sorry sniveling ass.
So back to the “Monkey Swing Theory.” This is how you can get yourself an HB. It is quite simple. You simply find an HB in a situation where you can see her repetitively for an extended period of time and never make one AFC mistake during this phase. HBs simply pick the next guy for LTR in line who isn’t a total flaming dickhead loser AFC and has worked to create some mystery, attraction, etc. I have done this three times successfully and I know it works.
HBs do not go to a bar to find their next LTR. They pick a guy they (think they) can control who is attractive, and who has given them repeated positive experiences throughout her LTR with another guy.
If you time it right, you can start just before she enters the downward slope so you don’t waste too much valuable time. If you wait until the “Complacency and Contempt” phase is in full swing, I assure you someone else already has the next spot in line sewn up and doesn’t even know it. I realize after all the background provided this sounds somewhat “anti-climactic,” however it is reality. Like I said I have proven it three times with very hot women, one who was 17 years younger than me, and it lasted several years. The only part I regret is not understanding this theory then and ejecting at the top of the slope, instead of finding I can be as obsessive-compulsive as every other man out there and dragging it on for far too long.
This is the phase where she is “hanging onto the current branch” while she “picks and then grasps the next one.” This is your golden opportunity if you have laid the groundwork. The beauty is you can be constantly doing this in preparation for your gf’s monkey swing and you get to swing at the same time onto a new branch and with luck having little or no down time to get all depressed and feel like a loser because she is fucking some new dweeb from work !
So let’s break it down into a real world example. I am going to use the hot bartender at your local pub.
Step One: Find a girl in a place where you can see her repeatedly. Preferably 2-3 times per week and where you can realistically engage her in direct and private conversation even if not uninterrupted. I have literally scoured every pub in my town for venues with hot bartenders who are usually working during hours that are not really busy. I actually hit pay dirt, and the pub within walking distance of my home has 4 hot bartenders. All of them have boyfriends who pick them up every night. They are usually available in the 5-8 PM region when it is usually not very busy, and they are keen to engage me in conversation between rounds for the few other customers. I now go there 2-3 times per week for one drink and maybe a burger or something, and they all now know me by name. They all treat me respectfully and I never do anything to lose that respect from any of them. This is not a sarging venue but a monkey swing joint !
Step Two: Talk to them ! About anything and everything.
Step Three: Determine which phase they are in with their current boyfriend. You can do this easily by watching her reaction when he picks her up, or when she references him in conversation. If she is in the hot and heavy phase I suggest you chat with a different bartender or change bars altogether if she starts monopolizing your time. If she is not in Hot and Heavy then proceed to Step Four.
Step Four: Get to know her better and better, and begin the Boyfriend Destroyer routines on her. You must never ever ever tell her she is hot, that you like her, care about her, excessively tip her, kiss up to her, supplicate, or anything. Treat her like the bartender that she is and let her reward be quality conversation and humorous and positive experiences with you every time she sees you. In time, she will begin to crave your time together. The conversation will become easier, and she will start to tell you more and more and more about herself. You will begin to see if she is just starting the “tried and true” phase i.e. the first few months, or well into say 1 year’s worth, or getting close to the brink of disaster for him ! As time wears on, she will begin going home and day dreaming about that incredible guy who makes her feel so good at the bar a few times per week, wondering where you are when you don’t come in and being elated when you do.
Step Five: Wait for the brink ! It always comes. Remember, you should also be visiting other girls in other venues. The dry cleaner once per week. The variety store, Blockbuster, the office down the hall, etc. Scour the world for places you can see them over and over. That is the key. When she hits the brink you will know it. She will start dissing her BF to you every time you see her. This is when you massively lay on the boyfriend destroyer patterns but do not indicate you want her in any way. She will smell that a mile away. As you prop him up, she will knock him down. What she is doing is psyching herself up to dump him and figuring out who her next BF will be. That BF is almost always the guy she has spent the most time with over the last two phases and the one who didn’t commit any AFC or loser moves during the process.
Step Six: Close. Eventually, you will see she is now at her limit. She is pushing him away and he is obsessing about her and making it worse. She will constantly be referring to getting rid of him. All this time you have never ever once told her she is hot, you like her, want her, or whatever. She only wonders and guesses how you feel but she does not know ! When the moment is ripe you motion “come here” and whisper the following to her. “Bar girl, tomorrow is honesty day.” And then you walk out. Make sure you have already paid your bill. Don’t allow her to re-engage you. Make sure you can turn around and walk out. Don’t look back. And don’t come back tomorrow. Come back the next day, or her next shift. I guaran-fucking-tee you that she will be completely and utterly obsessed with what the hell you meant by that. “Does he think I am a bitch,” “Does he like me,” “Did I offend him ?” She will think of little else other than what you are going to be “honest” about because she doesn’t know how you feel. When you don’t show up at her next shift she will go completely non-linear. OMG he hates me, what did I do, blah blah blah. Time your next visit so you can get her out from behind the bar when you are finally gonna tell her. She will jump on your ass and demand to know where you were, and tell her you had to work overtime or whatever. You have to plan it so you can say “You really wanna know ? Well step outside (or back there or wherever) so I can tell you.”
Get her outside, look at the effect on her face all this has had and when she says “Alright, I haven’t slept in two days what is it, tell me ?” You move in real close to her and prepare for the final move and say “I am crazy about you …” and then try to kiss her. She will fucking melt in your arms and say “OMG me too !” You’ll be fucking her or seriously making out with her that night, and when it’s done you tell her. “It’s time to go home and dump your BF if you want to see me again. We should have waited and I feel bad but I cannot do this again until you have come clean with him.” Hand her your address and tell her to drop by once it’s done and leave her there to ponder it all.
That, my friends, is the Monkey Swing. You can visit 5 different girls every week and always find a girl in the right spot. By practicing non-AFC techniques once you get her, you can make things last as long as you want (in phase one or two only) where she is capable of making you feel good and true joy. When the joy stops, get your ass outta there. Remember guys, it’s not about the sex with her, it’s about the joy.