That is it. That is the secret. The number 1 secret to good sex, is Generosity.
It’s not how big your dick is.
It’s not how good you look in the nude.
It’s not how awesome your hair is.
It’s not how many trophies you have.
It’s not the size of your bank account.
Not only as a descriptive word, but how it intertwines with every aspect of who you are as a man, and who she is as a woman.
You cannot fake powerful generosity, which comes from a place of love. A love for human beings. The love you have for yourself. The love you have towards giving and serving, just to give and serve.
I do not mean serving in the sense of a slave, but serving from the understanding that this is your greatest gift to the world.
The gift of you. Your purpose.
You can fake superficial generosity incredibly easy, such as buying her something pretty, like an expensive necklace, a tiger baby, or a house. The grandness of the gift does not make much difference, as it is coming from a superficial side of your being. It will only strike the one chord in her heart, debt. She is in debt, and must now return the favour in order to receive more.
Be very aware that whether you like it or not, we all train people how we like them to behave around us all the time. This comes from our actions. My late grandmother always used to tell me, “Chris, people will always take you at you own value, so act that which you are, valuable.”
I’m sure you can agree it is very easy to give something material to someone you don’t quite like, seeming like you are generous, in order to receive a gift – their time, their money, or their fondness from them. You are training people. Yes, like the dog whisperer, but with humans and I hope without the goatee (they are just not cool).
The very negative side of this, is what we witness in society on a daily basis, which is giving ONLY to receive.
It’s like a silent transaction which is never verbalized, which in its essence is based on manipulation and dishonesty. You are not being generous to nourish her femininity and emotions, but instead in the hopes you may receive a blowjob.
*As a side-note, if you must give your girlfriend/wife presents and gifts to receive some sexual pleasure then you are basically buying sex, in a legal way. It is such a fucked up dynamic that is prevalent in so many relationships I see around me. It is also hideously unattractive.
“If I get her this bracelet, I will get SO much sex for the next week.”
If I would have to buy a woman something to get a blowjob, I wouldn’t even be angry at her, I would be angry at myself.
I have heard guy friends and acquaintances spout these lines regularly in the past and it is so off-putting to hear. My head literally drops.
If she is only sleeping with you to get things, then this is not her fault. It is YOUR fault for conducting your interactions with women on a selfish, needy, and weak playing-field.
If you are doing this on purpose because you are lazy and refuse to give her the best side of you…then get the fuck off this page. Seriously…you and your lazy ass!
If you have been conducting your life like this due to lack of understanding, and are now willing to step up and be honest with yourself, awesome. Let’s be friends!
So, now that we have dissected fake generosity, we can move on to the beautiful stuff.
The reason I have picked generosity is because it is all encompassing. It says so much about you as a man. Being a generous lover is the most important thing to women. I speak as a messenger for all the women who have shared this with me.
Most women are incredibly unfortunate when it comes to experiencing good, consistent and satisfying sex.
Most of my good friends are female, and they verbalize their frustrations in almost every meeting. I will ask them about their weekend, or the guy they are seeing, and it is usually met with a glum look.
“I mean, he is hot…but the sex is only ok.”
Basically what she is saying, is she is not satisfied, in a polite way.
The sickening truth is that most men are the “pump. pump. sleep” type of guys. Their goal upon removing their underwear, AND hers, is for himself to reach ejaculation. Then that is apparently it. Finito! Sex done.
When a woman meets a man like this, she can also turn to manipulative behaviour…
Example: It’s late on a Tuesday night, both sitting in bed, they guy wants to have sex, but for the life of her she CANNOT cope to get ready for fast emotionless sex, so she gives him a blowjob and makes him cum straight away. Job done, she can then go back to reading her 50 Shades Of Grey. Be aware, it works both ways!
Try and put yourself in her shoes. How do you think she feels? You basically use her as a masturbatory aid, and completely ignore her needs and desires. You may as well buy a doll.
If you are in this dynamic currently, then I can tell you with 100% conviction…you are not having good sex, and she most certainly is NOT!
I am not sure why, but I have never been in the “pump.pump.sleep” category. Even from my first sexual encounter, losing my virginity, I remember thinking to myself ‘I want to make her feel so amazing. Look at her, she is so beautiful.’ This may seem really un-cool, but I have always been mesmerized by women. They are awesome, and not in a just for sex way, which is why most of my best friends are women. They are fucking awesome!
Maybe this was due to how I was raised, or making sure I was liked by people? I don’t really know, but I can tell you, being a generous lover is SO sexy.
Even at the beginning when I sucked at sex, and didn’t know my elbow from her clitoris, I hung in there, giving her my full attention. I was endlessly dedicated, and curious about what she liked, and how she liked it so I could deliver the most powerful and loving connection between us and our two naked bodies.
So, even if you are clueless, approach the situation with the intention of giving, offering, devouring, and SHARING with her, while focusing on getting technically better.
Real overwhelming sex is NOT the shit you see in porn, so if you are, stop reenacting that shit. It’s designed to look good, not feel good. Also, stop watching porn. It’s damaging your idea of what sex is.
In my opinion, besides the endless orgasms, sweat, spiritual connection, and bodily fluids shared, generosity is the most important, as it inspires something…MUTUAL generosity.
When you are passionate about giving, caring and adoring towards her, she will feel INSPIRED to give back….NOT EXPECTED to give back, but INSPIRED!
Your passion…inspires her passion, which then intertwines and amazing present sex is born. I think you will agree that being inspired is an awesome feeling.
Through generosity many things occur, such as you going out of your way to find or create sexy experiences or scenarios you can offer her in a completely unselfish way which will fulfill her fantasies.
If all you do is missionary…get more. Feel more. Have fun. Get into weird awkward positions and fall over by mistake, sharing laughter.
Sex is FUN! Much more fun than tennis!
ALL women have fantasies, which through your trust she will open up and share with you. Your willingness to give, will in many cases allow her to trust you enough to open up about her deepest, craziest fantasies.
In terms of bedroom roles, personally I am usually in control. Not because I need to be, it’s just the way the cookie crumbles.
I know who I am, and what I want.
Most women prefer you to assume the position of the animalistic man, and her the animalistic woman. But it is also great to mix it up.
“doing it like they do on the discovery channel!”
Fucking her from behind while pulling her hair is a powerful position for a man to be in. But, on the other scale…having her on top of me ravishing me with her feminine sensuality is just as powerful.
Put yourself in different roles. Instruct her to do what you want. Then allow her to take the reigns and give her full expression. It is so damn sexy.
When I’m having sex…I disappear. I have no concept of myself. Just my breathing, and doing my utmost to really listen to her body and feel what she is desiring. It’s like a sexy living, breathing map. The more you can forget about yourself the better you will navigate.
Remember, sex is NOT about the orgasm. It is not about the finish. It is about what’s happening, right here, right now. Sex is what’s happening as it’s happening. It is the act of mutual touch and expression. It is your warm panting body pressed hard against her warm panting body. Working together.
Finding internal rhythm. That is sex.
Sex is not the semen which comes out of your penis. So…that being said…stop making it a race, slow down, breath, and see it as a damn sexy massage that you share with someone you desire, whom you want to experience more of and share positive, loving, and honest vibes with.
This has gone on quite a bit, so I will save the sexual techniques for the next article.
Now…go fourth and fornicate, my brothers!