Isn’t it incredibly frustrating?

You’re on your way to work and you see a beautiful woman walking in your direction. You decide you’re going to pick this girl up… So you walk up to her and cleverly ask her where the nearest Starbucks is. Then you make small talk. She giggles at your crappy jokes. You figure it’s time, so you ask her for her number. You text her later that day and… No response.

What just happened?

First, a small disclaimer: If you think about it, from a logical standpoint, two new people actually going to meet each other in this day and age has gotten to become a titanic task. Consider that for a woman to meet up with you, a total stranger, she needs to; Have zero other plans, be adventurous enough to go meet someone new, not have friends who will talk her out of it and about a million other small details. In short, the stars literally have to align for her to go out and meet you. I’m not trying to discourage you. What I want you to take away from this is that you can’t possibly see her again every single time.

Now, I’m going to get a little bit in your face here; The real reason she is being flaky is because she does not like you!

That’s the truth. Clean and simple.

I’ve seen guys run up to women, spit line after line at them, clearly not in the slightest bit interested in what she has to say or who she is, force the number out of her and then run off feeling exhilarated.

Gentlemen… The phone number is a tool. It is there only to build bridge from meeting one to meeting two. It is not the end goal itself.

What I mean by this is that for most men, getting a phone number is some kind of accomplishment used to stroke their fragile egos. In fact, most men don’t even have the balls to call the girl once they get the number. Most of the time they’ll send a weak text message and try to be funny. I don’t understand on which planet something like that would ever work.

Look, I’m not trying to be an asshole, but things like that need to be addressed. You keep getting flaked on because all the advice you read is designed to make you feel good about yourself and not focus on the real issue.

Burn your bridges

Okay. So the first step is to find out if your girl genuinely likes you. I have this one, simple exercise that works EVERY time: Take your phone out, dial her number, press the big green phone icon. Once she answers, say this: “Cancel your plans and let’s go out”. If her answer is anything other than “Sure!” or “Maybe not tonight but are you free Thursday?” then she doesn”t like you, dude.

Delete the number. Do that for every number you”ve been “saving for the right time.” Once your phone is neat and clean, go out with the intention to connect with women. No picking up. No lines. No online casino tactics. No tricks. In fact, barely any talking either.

Try curiosity

When you approach women with curiosity at the forefront, then I promise you your flaking rates will drop significantly. Why?

Reframe your flakes

Seriously, what is flaking anyway? You’re talking to your friends about this awesome movie you just watched. Suddenly, this guy butts in and says he watched it too. You start to talk and realize you both noticed the same things about the movie. He suggests a similar movie. You’ve seen it but love it. You suggest one. He’s heard great things and would love to see it. You tell him you’re gonna grab beers with some friends and watch it in a week, he should come. “Ya, sure bro, what’s your number?”

MAN was that easy… A week later you text or call or whatever. “Bro, we’re watching the movie. You in?” he answers “Ahhh sorry, man. I’m exhausted tonight. Will catch up next week.” Cool – back to watching your movie.

Now switch that random guy to a cute girl and it becomes a story of intrigue and emotional ups and downs. Why? What a stupid way to look at things.

Dates are not a big deal!

You met and connected with a cool girl. Because you were actually listening to what she was saying, you noticed you both wanted to check out this breakfast place nearby. You set plans and she offered (yes, offered. How cool is that?) her phone number in case of anything. Either way your plans are set.

Gentlemen… Stop putting so much pressure on yourself! I used to do that shit all the time. I’d meet a girl, wait a certain amount of time excitedly to text her. If she’d answer, I’d invite her for something and would proceed to clear my entire day for the occasion… Then she would flake.

Why do we do this to ourselves? Meet a cool girl, connect with her, find out what you both want to do and then just do it together. I’ve taken girls to a tea house, I’ve taken them to a shisha bar, I’ve done something as un-romantic as grocery shopping and as romantic as climbing a mountain-top medieval castle at midnight to enjoy the view together. It doesn’t matter because I did what I wanted to do. Get it?



Patrick Ananda
Patrick Ananda

Patrick is a scoundrel, rogue, vagabond and founder of the Centered Man Project. He teaches men how to overcome their social anxiety and fear of rejection, by unleashing their unshakable self-confidence.

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