As humans, we have a tendency to go after the things we cannot get. That’s because we’ve been conditioned to set goals and pursue them. Something you already have cannot be a goal.

For this reason, girls do not want a guy who will give them the impression that he is easy to obtain. Chances are that if the girl is pretty, she’s used to guys approaching her and letting her know how desperate they are to get her. If you want results…be the exception!

Lines like, “Can I get you a drink?” or, “Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?” or even, “Hello, my name is Spidey,” show desperation. They show that she is important enough for you to walk across the room with the sole intention of getting acquainted. By comparison, you look unimportant and desperate. Right off the bat, she knows you’re obtainable…you lose.

Keep this in mind: if the girl can ask herself in her mind, “Why did he come to me, as opposed to anyone else?” you’re out. A situational approach is an approach in which the girl cannot question why you came to her versus anyone else, and what’s better is that you don’t give her much attention in all this. The goal is to look at her and instantly find one thing about her that is rare or uncommon, and when you make the approach…use it!

Here’s a great example from an approach I once did. A girl was sitting with a bike helmet next to her. My approach was, “Hi, I know this sounds weird, but I’m a magician. My friends have requested to see a trick that I do, but in order to do it, I need a receptacle much like your helmet. Can I borrow it for a second? You can watch.” There! She knows why I approached her, and I haven’t put her on a pedestal.

Now, I’m not assuming that every girl has a bike helmet, but anything works: a ring, a specific bag, a specific hair color, any piece of jewelry… anything!

If you don’t want to use magic…no problem! Look for something she’s doing and use that.
Here are some great examples I’ve used many times before: Girl sitting near dance floor: go next to her…tilt in to look at the dance floor from her point of view, then say, “Nope…I just don’t see what you see. It’s a lot more fun over there.”

Girl by bar, dancing: “That would look a lot more normal over there (point to dance floor.) Besides, I’m sure you’ll get all the attention you want from those nice guys.” (This opener also plays with the “levels” discussed in the following chapter.)

Girl looking at a list of shooters: “I know exactly how you feel, I’d be confused too…get this one (point to random shooter)…trust me.”

Girl shopping: “Sorry, you look like you know what you’re doing…do you know where I can find the ______ ?” Now in certain cases, as hard as you look, you may not find a situation.

Solution: create one. Here are my 3 anytime, anywhere situational approaches. Basically, you create the situation. Each one is followed by how you get out of the approach and into conversation.


This approach is simple. You pretend that you are either lost, or that you have lost something. So you’re either asking her for help because she’s the first person you saw since you realized you were lost, or you’re looking for whatever you lost around there because you were obviously there a moment ago.


You: Excuse me, but have you seen a little black pouch lying somewhere around here? I put it down, now I can’t find it. I can’t imagine why anyone would have stolen it, what is inside is of no value to anyone except me. There was a deck of cards, 3 coins and 2 rubber bands.

Her: Really? What is that for?

You: Oh, I’m a magician.

Conversation begins…

Alternate ending: I can’t imagine why anyone would steal it, unless they themselves are a magician (a little more straight to the point if you feel you have less time.)

You: Have you seen a ticket for a coat check somewhere here? They won’t let me get my jacket, so I’m stuck here unless I find it…oh well, since I’m stuck here anyway…want to see something cool?
Conversation begins…


Excuse me, but do you know where the corner of Guy and St-Catherine is? It’s funny, I’ve been living in this town my entire life, and I can’t find my way around. My friends are visiting from out of town this week, and I told them I would show them around. I think I need a little tour myself.
I should mention that this is a little more difficult, because although you made her laugh a little with your confusion, it is difficult to now go into a serious conversation. You can ask, “Where else do you think I should take them?” but that’s small talk. However, it does work if there’s nothing else.

Fight Scene: For this one, you will need a friend around. When you see a girl you want to approach, you say “No!” He says, “Yes!” You say, “I’m telling you, no!”

He says, “Dude! Trust me, yes!”

Then you stop her and say, “Hey, sorry, maybe you can settle something for us.”

Then make up anything…I use, “See, my friend here thinks guys don’t understand girls. I think guys do understand girls…what has your experience shown you?”

Trust me, girls love giving advice on stuff like this…this is a great opener.

Sometimes I don’t even create the scene. I just walk up to her and say, “I have a very important question to ask you. My friend and I are arguing about something, and all I need is a girl’s opinion so that I can go prove him wrong. Do you think guys understand girls?”

This is amazing. You get right into a conversation. If she says she thinks guys do not understand girls, now you can do an ESP routine, or use the material in this DVD to prove her wrong.

Speech Help:

Very easy approach. Grab a piece of paper from your pocket and start reading to yourself with a confused look, then go up to her and say, “I have a question. You might know the answer. Can you open any speech with “Dearly beloved,” or is that only for weddings?”

Now, as you read/listen to these approaches, you’re seeing yourself in your mind using them, and you’re most probably telling yourself, “Yeah, I can do that.” But then when it comes time to do it, you will freeze up and it just won’t happen.

Trust me! Just do it! It works…if you can envision yourself right now doing it, then you know it works. It’s just that when you’re in the situation, you experience anxiety, and create all these illusions in your mind that it might not work. Get over it…don’t think about…just go do it! The worst that can happen is you won’t get her number, but you’re not going to get it anyway if you don’t approach her. Worse comes to worst, you’ll have a good story to tell.

Our fear of the Approach dates back to High School, where the prettiest girl was also the most popular, and what she said was a fact. In those days, if you approached her and failed, the whole school would know about it.

This is why we have a circuit in our brain that triggers anxiety when we must approach a beautiful girl. What you must realize is that now she knows no one among your friends and acquaintances, and if she’s b****y enough to turn you down without hesitation, then she probably doesn’t have any influence over anyone.


Spidey is an international hypnotist/mentalist/magician whose career began 10 years ago and has flourished to unprecedented heights. Beyond the scope of performance, he is an international creator of magic and mentalism as well as a persuasion, influence and covert hypnosis specialist. He continues to perform across Canada and the US and wows audiences internationally from all over the Caribbean to Europe.

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