It took me about 3 years to get really good. But it really didn’t need to take that long. A year is more than enough time to get good at the game. If … you use an efficient learning process.
My results starting getting good not when I switched from one pick up / dating system to another, but when I just started learning the right way. Instead of taking the zig-zag-and-sometimes-going-back-in-circles approach I’d previously used, I moved straight towards my end goal with the shortest learning path.
I’ve condensed everything I learned about “learning efficiently” into 7 rules. Today, when I want to learn anything new about the game, I follow these rules religiously.
This is about being efficient. Least effort. Maximum results. Learn Fast. Move on to a new challenge in life …
A secret to getting good at anything in life quickly is focusing on areas where you can invest little effort to get big improvements. When it comes to dating skills, a number of things you can do will improve your success with women literally immediately. So this is where you start.
The first is to take care of your image and appearance. You may have read that image and appearance don’t matter. Well … unfortunately, that isn’t true. And I’m sure you know that, deep down. So make your life a lot easier. Work on your image and appearance, and you will always make a better first impression when you meet a woman.
This makes pick up instantly easier. More girls will open more easily. More girls will open you. Girls will become more easily attracted. Girls will feel more social pressure to “get with you” … etc. It’s all good.
First and most important things first. Are you fit ? Do you have a good body ?
If not, wake the hell up. There are no free passes. Get down to the gym. Get on a good clean diet.
The best look is lean muscled. You don’t want to get “big muscled.” It takes way too much time and effort, and girls don’t even like it. Lean muscled is the look you want. You’ll need to read up on weight training, and hit the gym 3 times per week for awhile. If you are chubby or fat, you’ll need to add some interval training cardio on another couple of days.
And don’t tell me you know a guy who is good with women and who is really out of shape, so you don’t need to do it. That guy is only good because he has really good game. If you’re reading this, you don’t … and the easiest way to get better results is to start here. Getting fit is 100 times easier than learning the exceptional game required to overcome the disadvantage of being out of shape.
Next, fashion: clothes, shoes and accessories.
Do women compliment you ? Check you out in the street ? If not, the answer is no. The good news is that this is even easier to fix than getting fit.
First rule: wear clothes that fit you. You have to get that fit body first, of course. This means not baggy. Check out any male model and you’ll get what “fitting you” means. Everything you buy should fit snuggly. You can even get clothes adjusted cheaply these days by tailors. So there is no excuse.
Second rule: watch what the top male celebrities wear. Check out what male models wear. What the guys who get women in the films wear. In all these cases, someone has gone to a lot of effort to create those looks and make them good. Copying what you like from these examples is a short cut to getting a better fashion sense and developing a style. See what looks good and copy it. Get observant when you’re out. What do the attractive guys that women are chasing wear ?
Copy. Integrate. Add. Rinse. Repeat. Before long it will be natural, and you will add 2 to 3 points to the looks ratings you get from girls.
It’s as easy as that. And it doesn’t take money. You can put together some nice outfits and add to your style with relatively cheap clothes. It’s more about choosing things with style, and avoiding the fashion disasters as well as “wearing the same as everyone else” syndrome.
Do you have good hygiene ? And grooming ? Get a good haircut … walk into a professional hairdresser one day and tell them you want a change and want something good. Tell them to let loose on you and make it look “cool.”
Take care with your trimming, shaving, and getting rid of extra hair. Get it cleaned up. Again, if you don’t know how, Google it. Simple as that.
You’ll probably feel out of your comfort zone with new fashion and hairstyles. That’s just part of the process. “No pain, No gain.”
Having taken care of these three things … you will save yourself a lot of hard work in the field, a lot of rejection and frustration. Every pick up will go down easier … smoother. You’ll find more girls come up and talk to you.
Information discipline is about focus and about learning from only high quality information.
Good news, friend. There are huge amounts of dating and pick up advice available for you. It’s not like 2001 when I was learning. Back then, we had virtually nothing. Today you have a wealth of information, and some is really high quality. There are over 1300 dating advice for men products on the market, and over 500 instructors teaching this stuff … all the knowledge you need is there …
Bad news, friend. All that knowledge, all that information has gotten so big and so varied in quality and style that you are in the “information overload” zone. The information has become noise. Too much information equals more confusion. It makes things worse. Not better. It gives you so many options of what you should do with women that you find it hard to know which one to choose.
If you find yourself unable to act and often unsure about what you need to do to take things forward with a girl, “information overload” is most definitely part of the problem.
Any marketer, advertiser or human behaviorist will tell you that the response to having too much information and too many options is inaction. Paralysis.
So this is where you need to exercise a lot of self control and discipline. We live in a “click-click” culture, always looking for the latest and best information. It’s in our biology to be like this for reasons I haven’t got time to explain here. The important thing to know is that more information does not help.
The truth is that in most cases, the latest information isn’t that much better than the information you already have.
More information is only going to distract you more from what you have to do.
So, here’s what you do.
You go on an information diet. You study just one dating / pick up system. You resist all urges to get more information until you have mastered that one system.
Make sure it is a good quality pick up / dating system. It should have a good reputation. The instructor / author should have a good reputation for giving his students results. It should have good reviews. Do your due diligence. You are going to stick with it for awhile, so you have to make the right choice.
Don’t select it on impulse. Take your time and make sure you get a good one. You’ll have to pay some money for it. It shouldn’t be an unreasonable amount, but if it’s good quality, it won’t be dirt cheap, either.
Once you get it, make a commitment. Work exclusively with that one system until you’ve worked it to death. It may take months. You’ll reread and apply, until you naturally know the one thing that has to be done in whatever situation that comes up. You won’t have conflicting ideas about what to do. You’ll be able to act.
Don’t read or buy other pieces of dating advice until you’ve got it. Keep your commitment.
This focused approach will make it 1,000 times easier for your mind to do its learning job. It will cut down your resistance. Give you clarity about what to do.
Now, here is something you should definitely not do.
There is a lot of free advice out there on the net in forums.
It is tempting to say, “I can just learn from all of the advice in the forums and the hundreds of other guys posting about this. I can log in to a forum every day and learn from all of the other guys who post there.”
This goes against the Information Discipline rule, however.
First of all, most of that advice is not the highest quality. Who posts on forums a lot about how to pick up women ? The vast majority are guys who are learning about it. The minority, if any, are guys who have been there and done it and have high quality advice.
The reality is that the guys who get really good tend to either disappear, satisfied with their “women lives,” or become instructors / authors who charge for access to their knowledge through their products and boot camps.
Second, the nature of forums is that you will end up learning from many guys with different approaches and viewpoints to picking up women. You’ll give yourself more options everyday … constantly learning about some shiny new thing. A new tactic. A new approach.
Forums aren’t all bad. There are specific situations where they are really useful. But overall, without information discipline, they become far more of a time wasting distraction and inhibitor to your development than a tool for improving your dating life. Manage the habit.
I was at a wedding this weekend where a guy from New York heard about my “reputation with the women” from other guests. He was curious because he’d seen guys who aren’t that good looking do really well in New York, and many model type guys get nowhere. He knew there was something more to it than looks or genetics, but had no idea what. He asked me what made the difference between a guy who is good with women, and a guy who is bad.
I gave him a one word response. “Experience.”
He looked confused at that. So I explained.
When you are young, if you happen to be naturally outgoing and social, you go out and get more social experience. You enjoy it. You get better at it. That includes both boys and girls. Meeting new people and interacting with them is a big part of your everyday life. Talking to girls is natural. And pretty soon, when your hormones kick in and you have no social anxiety, kissing your first girl becomes natural. It just happens. It happened to me when I was 11 years old. And I had numerous girlfriends the next years. When you hit your late teens, you’ve already had so much social experience with women that you do all the right things … naturally.
It’s not magic. You weren’t born a “natural” with women. You just started off on the right foot and it went from there. It’s those thousands and thousands of hours of social experience you collected over the years that got you good.
Sidenote: if you haven’t read Blink by Malcolm Gladwell, check it out, and you’ll see how this dynamic plays across the whole of society in everything we become successful in.
But maybe you didn’t start out as outgoing for whatever reason. Perhaps your parents sheltered you a little more. You didn’t accumulate so much social experience over the years. You developed “anti-social” habits. You enjoyed doing more stuff on your own, on computers, or in small groups of close friends. The result of this was that your “social experience” is miniscule compared to the “natural” by the time you hit your twenties.
Meeting and attracting women, picking up women … these are social activities. If you have a lot of social experience, you get good at it really quickly. If you don’t, it takes a lot longer. You learn a lot more slowly. Things are harder to learn.
So, what hinders your ability to get good at pick up is if you don’t take up “being social” as a goal for every day of your life, in every way. If you compartmentalize your goal to meet and pick up women and that’s the only time you are really social, you’re going to accumulate those social experience hours very slowly. And learn very slowly.
So, as strange as it may seem, just by increasing your social exposure through daily habits, and by making your life a lot more social, you will learn to get good with women a lot faster.
You can push the concept as far or as little as you want. But understand this: the more social you make your life, the better it’s going to get with women faster.
Expand your social circles. Make new connections. Take part in more social activities, whether they be team sports, charity, volunteering, drama classes, salsa classes, etc. It doesn’t matter what it is. If it involves relating to more people more often … it’s better.
You can go as far as to change your career if you really want to make the change stick. Unfortunatley, if you’ve chosen to be an IT programmer, the odds are that it is going to take you longer. If you became a sales or marketing person (people focused jobs), it is going to be a lot easier. It’s an extreme move to change your career, but the reality is that you spend so much time of your life at work, that it’s one of the most important decisions you make in terms of how much “social experience” you are going to accumulate in your life.
You only learn completely through doing.
Yes, reading helps us to start. It helps us to go in the right direction and make the right choices. To do things a lot smarter. However, when it comes to pick up and dating advice, there is no substitute for experiencing something by doing it.
Until you develop a habit of applying things by doing them in real life, you won’t really understand them. The true “Aha !” moments always come in the real world, when you apply what you have learned. When you test it. When you do it to see what happens, and notice what happens as a result.
Do that 10-20 times, and you’re beginning to really get it. And it’s beginning to work really well.
Make a rule for yourself that you will not read or learn about something new, or even read about the next step in the pick up process until you have mastered the first step by doing it in real life many times.
You see, you can’t expect your brain to take in lots of new information and apply it to your life like magic without doing it step by step. You just overwhelm your brain if you put more information in than you have applied in the real world. As a result, the odds are that nothing works or gets real results.
The learning process requires the completion of two steps. Without having completed both steps, you are still at zero:
A. Learn by reading / watching.
B. Learn by doing.