So what really stands in your way? Why do you really choke up around women? We all know this one… The basic emotion is fear. Where does that fear come from?
Again, we all know the answer… Lack of confidence. So, how do you build real confidence? This is the tricky part… Lack of confidence can stem from many areas of our emotional being… Mental road blocks at several logic levels can create beliefs or symptoms that stop us dead in our tracks. Our choices are to focus on the symptoms and apply fixes directly to each behavior or build a solid emotional foundation that addresses all of the symptoms… Example: You find yourself hesitating to approach a woman… there is undoubtedly some internal dialog happening… What are you saying to yourself? She’s out of my league, this never works for me, I’m lousy at picking up women, she wouldn’t hang with someone like me, I’m nervous, maybe one more drink, etc… All common, and the list is endless. If you know something about NLP, you know that those dialog statements are coming from a handful of the many parts of you that will block you from succeeding on several fronts.
Direct fix approach:
The symptom is that you hesitate to approach women. A direct fix would be to convince yourself that your behavior is irrational (there are many understandings and techniques that can help with this) then approach many women repeating the exercise until you no longer fear the process. There are many varieties of this approach.
Again, if you know something about NLP, you know that the above approach is basically an attempt to force feed your parts some new ideas and reinforce those ideas with selected behaviors. In other words, you are attacking those parts from the bottom of the logic level ladder (Behavioral change)
This approach will generally create a quick shift and if you are a man with a fair foundation of self-esteem the shift may be permanent. If however you have reason to have low self-esteem or deep seated emotional issues, the fix will not only fade quickly but, the resulting failures will reinforce your identity as a looser or your beliefs that this stuff doesn’t work for you, etc…
Another thing to think about when applying behavioral changes to this specific symptom is that you might increase you ability to gain relationship without increasing your ability to maintain relationship. Again in the long run the risk is that you could reinforce your negative beliefs and put yourself in a deeper hole of despair.
Foundational change: It is my sincere belief that it’s not about seduction but rather attraction at a deep level. It’s about being the rock solid “real man.” (An icon of masculine) That requires change at all logic levels. In short; build the belief system foundation that will support the behavioral changes. Example continued:
A man that is the icon of masculine is a man that people gravitate to, a man the people look up to and yes, a man that everyone is attracted to. Visualize that man (you may know him) a man who women are attracted to being with and men are attracted to working with. He most likely doesn’t have any problem approaching women. In fact he is more likely approached quite often. His attractiveness is foundational. Let’s look at some of the elements of that attractiveness… (he has them all)
1. Lack of need… He doesn’t need on a physical or emotional level.
2. Lack of concern… Nothing shakes him.
3. Straight forward, direct speech and eye contact
4. Physical and emotional presence… When you deal with him you know he is involved.
5. He makes people feel comfortable…
6. His life seems effortless.
7. Purpose… He is a man on a mission and he won’t be denied.
8. He knows how to get what he wants and he usually gets it.
9. He seems to be more interested in giving than getting.
10. He is a leader.
11. He is successful on many levels. 12. He looks good, he walks tall, etc… The list goes on… What is important to understand is that while some people find all or most of these traits within themselves naturally, more men must cultivate them. Most men must do a great deal of change work to get to this place. It’s also good to understand that men in our culture have been trained to be the opposite of the above list. The good thing is that avenues for change exist and it’s not rocket science. There’s hope for those of you looking for this now… There is a formula and anyone can do it! Caution: Self-knowledge is not the magic bullet, you must do the work. You can’t just tell yourself that you are confident. Every part of you must know that you are “exceptional”. The proof will be that your life is amazing and on track to a real purpose. The basic path includes…
1. Gain a thorough understanding of relationship polarity.
2. Practice and become proficient with your command of your core polarity
3. Use change modalities like NLP and other counseling to remove road blocks.
4. Define your purpose.
5. Refine and plan the path to your purpose.
6. Develop your manifestation skills.
7. Implement your plan.
8. Work with a group of men on an ongoing basis to stay on track.
9. Be accountable.
10. Serve and change the world.
11. Enjoy the results.
These are highlights of a somewhat complex path to an attainable state of being. Try it and be amazed. My own experience has been great and men that have chosen this path have completely changed their lives and oh yea, the world is attracted to them.