Walk out on your girlfriend and she’ll chase you; stay, and she’ll start arguments with you so you can show her your indifference.
Jason: (Commenting on “Well this guy leans over and whispers in her ear. Ending of my conversation with her.”) An appropriate response would be to immediately lean over and continue the conversation by whispering in her
OTHER ear. Doing so would:
1. Neutralize her attention on the other guy – you’ve just upgraded yourself to a similar sensory channel.
My Comment: There’s no question that this is a good move if you are doing it and one that will piss you off if it is being done to you.
Jason: 2. If she has any sense of humor at all, probably make her crack up at the absurdity of a guy whispering in each of her ears.
3. Shown that you are a classy, humorous guy who can handle interloping fuckheads with aplomb.
At worst, there is at least the psychological benefit to oneself of doing something to stay in the game instead of just standing there feeling like a pimple on a pig’s ass while he walks off with her.
My Comments: As I think about it, if someone is talking right into someone’s ear and you lean over to talk in the other ear, don’t you think this would be a pretty rude move?
Jason: Rude to whom? You don’t care about the other guy’s sensibilities, right? He’s a fuckhead! You would be very rude to YOURSELF let him get away with such a stunt.
My Comments: Granted the other guy is pulling a fast one but for you to now try and one up him this way…well, I just think about trying to talk to someone who is already talking to someone. It seems like you are (a) desperate and (b) someone without any manners (the woman supposedly doesn’t know that this first guy who started talking in her ear is trying to cut the other guy (you) out, so by talking while she is listening to the first guy you are just interrupting). Maybe I am missing something.
Jason: I see no need for you to do so much second guessing upon the surface structure. The action I suggest would cut to the heart of the matter, simply, humorously and without physical violence. It reminds me of a story I once read about a tv debate between two politicians. Just before the program started, the shorter guy asked for a cushion to sit on, so that he would look taller and as impressive as the other guy. Guess what the other, taller guy did? He asked for a cushion as well! I like that!! Seems to me like a simple, economical model for many competitive situations. It means you don’t need to memorize a whole lot of moves and counter moves for the infinity of situations where someone might pull a fast one – just mirror the bum! In the case of the whisperer you would have only a second to react so a simple, pre-programmed response is all that is possible.
My Comment: I think another element involved would be the logistics of the situation, how you were standing, where she and the other guy were positioned, etc. But I think having this in mind is much better than having no idea what to do when someone pulls a shot on you like this.
Rob: (Commenting on My Comment that “Naively, I think that most women (not all) are not hunting out men with money) Well, if women only want you because of your bucks…..it may not be a bad thing if you can bang ’em and forget ’em without spending money on them….usually it dosn’t work that way. I’ve had women comment on how surprised they were that someone my age is quite a sucksexfull entrepreneur, and have my life together so well.
My Comment: I keep being told that there are a lot of women out there only looking for a guy with money. I guess they must think I am broke. It also reminds me of the story about Hugh Hefner. When someone told him that ‘don’t you know why these women are all interested in you?’, he responded “I don’t care why they are interested, as long as they are interested.” (Not an exact quote, but you get the idea.)
Rob: Which leads me to another thought that I have been pondering the last few days….that of maybe appearing to have my life “together” a little bit too much, and not enough of the “fuck it” bad boy attitude. Even the condo I live in is spotless, and people continually comment on how clean it is for a male dwelling. Which I think back to I think what was in F.J Shark’s book about strewing pizza boxes in your living room and not cutting your grass ever again, and ditching the fancy sport-ute and getting a clunker. So it seems that having some bucks, and having your life together seems to do absolutely SQUAT as far as women go. May even be a hinderance, time to get a Harley 😉
My Comment: You probably need to make friends with a guy who is single but of very modest means and you will likely see someone who is sure that having what you have would be all he would need to have women lined up at his door.
Rob: I think we as males are entirely driven by sex. If we haven’t banged her by the third date, then the unconscious starts to think this isn’t going anywhere, and your pecker starts losing interest. Before SS, I know I would put up with tremendous amounts of crap, just for the sake of having regular sex……my dad once said to me “Is the fucking you’re taking, worth the fucking you’re getting?” which of course comes from a position of not being in control, and not being able to get what you want elsewhere. That’s probably the coolest thing about SS, shifting the power paradigm a bit back into our favour.
My Comment: For some strange reason it has always been my experience that, for me, if I haven’t at least made out with a woman on the first date, it usually goes nowhere. I think there are only a few exceptions to this that have happened in my entire life.
Rob: While I do have women friends who started out as friends and have never gotten past the friends stage, for me, I think after having sex with a woman, it has to stay sexual for us to continue being ‘friends’. While I enjoy being around those types of women for their friendship, I equally enjoy being with them in intimate ways. I don’t see the need to hang around a woman who just wants to be friends, in the hope of getting some someday. That’s coming from TOTAL supplicator mode, and I refuse to do it. Most woman have no problem with being just your friend after a relationship; translation : I like you, I like being with you, I like you spending your money on me, I just don’t like you in THAT way.
My Comment: I haven’t (yet) been able to be “just friends” and have a sexual relationship with a woman. This is, I am sure, my own limiting beliefs getting in the way.
Rob: (Commenting on “An interesting website about (power) is …”) It’s a great book, and has some great insights. I especially love the Law about creating the Fantasy for people….hmmm where have we seen THAT before??? Although having to CONTROL women is not the angle of attack I want to take with SS. Creating an opportunity for an HB to be together because we have fun together, and truly enjoy each others company, inside and outside of the bedroom. To position myself as someone interesting, fun, thoughtful, strong, compassionate, someone different than the rest of the chumps out there.
My Comment: As I have said before, I would like to have as many tools in my arsenal as possible. And I am sure that knowing the mechanics of “power” would be very useful in some circumstances. There is an old expression, which, roughly translated, goes “If you need a thief, you cut him down from the noose.” If that’s what is needed in the circumstances (and it doesn’t violate your own principals — and this depends on how you do something and what you do), then you sometimes need to reach into your bag of tricks and pull out a rabbit.
Rob: (Commenting on introducing others to SS) I have many other friends who I KNOW would benefit greatly from SS…..ones that are in current relationships….being stepped all over by their current GF’s…..all because they think they don’t have a choice….it’s painful to watch……but….I know most of these guys would never put the effort into learning SS. Besides, I know if someone would have told me about SS a couple years ago….I would have just rolled my eyes at them……it really makes the ego deflate a bit…..and accept the facts and the way women love to be talked to……I remember first reading the connection pattern and laughing for about 5 minutes straight…..it was way too “icky” for my old “lets talk cars and sports” self.
My Comment: My point was that some guys deserve to know about this stuff and it is pretty cruel not to give them the chance to improve their lives when it won’t cost you anything and (as I did) it can be done anonymously.
Oscar: I will tell you what a wealthy guy in New Orleans told me about women. He is older and has been married several times. Very experienced. He said that women want two things. Something that belongs to someone else and second something they can’t have. Based on that I’ve changed how I deal with a woman I’ve just met. In the distant past I would tell a women I had no special lady friend.
I thought that would give them the impression the door was open. Now I handle it different. I prefer to say ” I am not available but I’d love to talk with you a while”. “I have a lady I see regularly who claims me as her own, and she’s been good to me”. That will sort of push her away without closing the door. I say ” I doubt anyone would treat me better than she does so I guess I really have not been looking although I sometimes think I could do better”, and “What do you think I should do about that?” I think you get the idea. Anyway based on the theory that women want something that belongs to somebody else or something they can’t have, that’s pretty much how I handle women today. It is sort of the “take it away from them” that a good salesman uses.
My Comment: Why is it that this strategy is so obvious and yet one that I somehow resist fully embracing? Tactics related to this interest me greatly.
Oscar: The realization that women are only interested in arrogant and independent guys, while when asked what they want, they claim they want a “nice” guy. It’s for sure, when it comes to women, nice guys don’t win.
My Comment: I very much enjoyed the little book “Nice Guys Don’t Get Laid” ($7.95 from Amazon.com) which echoes your words.
Oscar: When you walk away from a woman you are going with she generally will chase you. But when you were with her she probably spent most of her time starting arguments. Why did she start arguments? Clearly, because she wanted you to demonstrate your superiority, strength and indifference.
My Comment: I absolutely love your clear, direct distillation of how women are. I think you are right on the money and it is almost identical to the philosophy of my friend that I mentioned before.
Oscar: Women want to be told what to do no matter what they claim.
My Comment: These are the words that most guys don’t know and if they did know in whole or in part would be unable to repeat. They underlie a very true but politically incorrect philosophy that I think is absolutely key in understanding women.
Oscar: What it comes down to is that a guy must ignore every word any woman says (pretend to listen of course) because their words will only mislead you into taking actions that will win you nothing. Just ignore what they have told you they want, just do and say what you please and let the cards fall.
My Comment: This is exactly my friend’s advice; but it is a hard leap of faith to make. One that I am going to make because it is the only way to go. As you said in your book School for Scoundrels (http://www.fearlesspublications.com/html/school.html (site is either inactive or no longer relevant)), it takes courage to make a major change in your behaviour when you step into the unknown.
Oscar: More will fall your way than struggling to be Mr. “nice guy”. That has been proven to me ever since my New Orleans friend gave me the advice that he did.
My Comment: My friend who does this also feels that once you make this a part of you it comes easily and naturally and you can’t go back to the old “nice guy” ways. I almost feel like this is the quintessential advice which makes my postings redundant.