Amongst my friends, this is a controversial topic, somewhat unnecessarily so.
There have been times when I have been talking to a woman at a party and she might slip in the fact that she has a boyfriend, is engaged, or is married.
The fact is, that is what she is now. Not necessarily in the future.
Contrary to popular belief, possessive love is not forever. And, in my humble opinion, marriage and the stages leading up to marriage (going exclusive, engagement, etc.) are one of the strongest expressions of possessive love society condones.
It is my belief that the only love that endures is the love for all things that stems from the interconnectedness that underlies all things. The need for marriage and “commitment” is incompatible with this love. The commitment to going exclusive seems to imply, “I am going to loan you my pussy (potentially forever) so you need to put up some security to borrow against it.”
But I digress. Marriage is not always forever. Non-exclusive does not mean, “I don’t care for you.” I say this because this is probably where the resistance from others to my outlook originates (correct me if I am wrong.) That is, they believe I should not be “interfering” in something that should last forever.
I mean, a marriage breaking down is a big deal right ? God forbid if “I should be responsible for that happening.”
Anyone who blames me for wrecking their relationship is not taking responsibility for their role in it.
I have never told a girl to leave her boyfriend, fiancé, or husband to go with me. At the same time, I have never stopped her from coming with me because she was “attached.” All I do, and all I can do, is show up and be myself and act on my desires, because that is the only truth I possess. To suppress my desires because of some artificial union is to spit in the face of my truth (although I am not perfect, and sometimes I do spit in the face of my truth.)
After that, it is for her to decide. I acknowledge a woman’s ability to decide what she wants. If she believes that her needs are better served by me, then giddy up. I have done her a service by getting her out of a relationship where she felt short-changed, and done him a service by providing him with a tough lesson (should he choose to accept it.) If she believes that her needs are better served by her current lover, then I have done them a service by reflecting the strength of their bond.
And, I must emphasise, once this has happened (I use my gut to determine this, it could be as simple as a genuine “He makes me very happy, nice meeting you,”) I wish them only the very best, because we are all connected, and I only wish myself the very best.
I must also emphasize this: no amount of explaining will be able to simmer down the rage of a guy whose heart has been broken in two. While he may come to realize this as a growth opportunity in time, you may be seen as a “home wrecker.” I would not follow the “bro code” and try to explain to him how you are serving the universe by giving her what she needs and providing him with a growth opportunity. You have been warned.
The only exception (so far) to this rule, is if a girl is in some kind of relationship with another guy and I am not so into her. I know that even if I tell her that we are not going deeper than casual / one time sex, this will not register with her psyche and it will be like I hadn’t said anything at all. I acknowledge and appreciate the power of a woman’s sex drive.
For the record, at the time of writing, I have not broken up a marriage (to my knowledge.)
My question to the readers is, if a wedding ring does stop you from getting to know a woman on a deep level, if a wedding ring serves as a boundary, what does that tell you about your belief in your ability to give her an amazing experience ? Try on the idea, that your inhibition in exploring a woman who is “taken” is because you feel like a thief who is breaking into the castle to steal the princess.
She is not a princess. He is not a prince. You are not a thief.
He has no right to her.
You have no right to her.
She has the right to choose.
Don’t let a wedding / engagement ring stop you from showing a woman what a great guy you are. You might be saving her from investing in “the best she thinks she deserves” and you might be expanding her mind to what it really means to be with a great man.
Empower her with choice.